Some advice needed please....?

Question

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and feeling extremely under pressure to make everyone happy. I have my family and my partners family to think about as well as my partner. On top of this I am a legal secretary and have four bosses to please too. Whilst trying to deal with the hormones and worries of pregnany I also have a mortgage to sort out and find a place to live. This is making me quite a difficult person as I am getting irratable. I have tried talking to my partner about this but I always end up in a debate about stuff. I would like some advice as to how to approach all this with him without sounding like a complete moaner. We are going out for dinner tonight so this would be a good time to have a good chat. Any advice please? Thank you in advance. xox

Thank you for all the nice advice so far, hormones a, make me all tearful!! :0) x

Answer 1

I would go about it like this. Remind him that u not only have yourself to care for but now u have two. Let him know that it's difficult to be under so much pressure into pleasing everyone and ask him if he can help out. I would also mention that, I do not want to agrue about this, I just need a little help.

Answer 2

I would try explaining that you need a little help, that you're very tired due to the pregnancy. Try and avoid sounding as if you are accusing him of not helping enough, as this will probably get his back up! Maybe saying you need his advice on the mortgage and his family issues - if he's anything like my husband, he'll appreciate feeling that his opinions are valued and will then feel more inclined to take over a bit more of the responsibility. Good luck, I do sympathise - relationships can be such hard work at the best of times, without the exhaustion that naturally comes with pregnancy. All the best.

Answer 3

You need to focus on your baby right now and the way to do that is to focus on yourself. Too much stress isn't good and can even be dangerous for mom and unborn child. Do the best you can with work, communicate openly with your partner about what you are feeling and are up to handling, and everyone else be damned! It is up to you to care for baby now, as no one else can. Listen to your body and instincts, rest and try to relax! Things are changing and will continue to change after the baby comes. You will have to start learning now what you are not superwoman and you never will be. Do not compare yourself to others, as appearances can be deceiving. I had to learn to let some stuff go after baby, as there is only so much time in the day and I would rather kiss and cuddle and read to and play with my son than have a perfectly clean and organized everything! Hormones do play a role, but the stress and overwhelming feeling is real. You have to start setting boundaries now and if you don't communicate, others cannot help! You are not being a moaner, you a being a good mommy by communicating your needs. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Hi - first of all (((((chill))))) relax and be shelfish for a minute - go and have a swim or a walk on your own, a gentle massage or manicure etc and empty your head as best you can. its ok to be human and finding this time difficult - your hormones are raging right now and this makes it tough - i guess that as you are not hugely pregnant with a buddha belly yet its hard for your partner and your bosses to see you as pregnant so they continue to expect the same from you! remind them you are pregnant and learn to say no, lovingly to your partner and kindly and firmly to your boss (if you feel they are askign too much right now) remind them of what is happening to you - that you are not ill nor suffering but there are major changes going on and you could do with a little help from them in understanding this. most people will help when you ask - thats all you need to do - ask.
and by the way - you do not need to worry about everyone - just you, your love and the little beanie!!
lots of luck xx

Answer 5

Wow, things certainly are pretty demanding for you just now.

Reading your question, I can see that there is a lot on your plate. Sorting out a mortgage and finding something is one of the most stressful times in your life. And of course you are just coming to the end of what was in my experience the hardest trimester of pregnancy.

However, I would also say that it appears to me that you yourself are applying a lot of pressure too. Maybe this is just your hormones going crazy just now, or maybe you have a tendency towards being a bit of a perfectionist? Why are you under pressure to make your family and your partner's family happy? Don't they respect the decisions that you make and your feelings, are they trying to impose their own wishes on you and your partner, or is it that you're tying yourself in knots trying to be the perfect daughter/in-law?

You also say that you have to sort out the mortgage and find a new home. Is your partner not going to be living with you? Let him share the load.

Your four bosses I hope also know that you are house-hunting just now, as well as being in the early stage of pregnancy, so they can expect that you will not be performing quite as well as normal. Can you allow yourself not to be coping as well as usual, or does the very thought of temporarily taking the foot off the gas slightly dent your pride - what I mean is: are you determined that despite the things you are going through just now you will not allow it to affect your work in the slightest and will carry on as if nothing has happened? Or if this is not the case and your employers are not supporting you and making demands which cause you to feel overwhelmed and stressed, you need to talk to them.

I hope you and your partner enjoy your meal tonight and get to talk things through together to share the load a bit. One thing is for sure, you can't carry on as you are if you're feeling so stressed, it's bad for your bubba never mind you. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy and for all three of you when your baby arrives.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel without accusing him of anything. If he specifically does something to make things harder on you then tell him when you do x,y,z I feel this that and the other. Try to avoid telling him he's this or that but let him know you feel vulnerable and need some compassion, support and understanding from him. If he can't respond positively to such an approach then I'd say the man is lacking something you need and it probably won't change so you might want to reevaluate this relationship. It sounds like you're taking on too much and without some support from those that are closest to you you will be irritated and burned out. I wish you all the luck!

Answer 7

well for starters sod trying to keep everyone happy!...people should be hepling you as you are pregnant, stop worrying about what others think otherwise you will make yourself ill.
You are very sensitive whilst ya pregnant so if you get snappy dont worry...all normal ( probably the only time you can really get away with being a cow) pardon the pun but sure ya know what I mean. Get your partner to help you more, it sounds that you like to take control....just relax and let others share the load. good luck

Answer 8

The worlds view has tried to brainwash women into thinking that they need to be everything.They tell us we need to be mothers,work harder than men at our careers,be in perfect shape,do the shopping,cleaning,and still have energy to be great in bed.I think it leaves most of us feeling like we're always trying to prove that we are valuable.Don't try to get your selfworth from trying to do everything and please everybody ,that's like chasing the wind.As women we are also made in God's image,we speak to the world of God's mercy,mystery,beauty,and His desire for intimate relationship,we can be strong and tender and it's o.k. to be vulnerable.Just do what you can and cast your cares on God because He cares for you.