Snooping quandary... Fears confirmed though...?

Question

I have a dilemma. My boyfriend of 3 months has joined an online sex / swingers site and placed an ad for 1 on 1 sex.

I wouldn't have known this had I not gone on his email account and seen the verify password email. I know I was exceptionally wrong for snooping, but I had strong intuitions that something was up. We don't ordinarily keep our emails secret, he knows my passwords and obviously I his.

I guess my question is how to handle this? I am devastated with this discovery, having gone through this before and still have some baggage from my ex having done something similar. Not sure if I am in love with this guy but it is close. He is 13 years my junior but until this has always been more mature than I. All previous indications led me to believe we were on the same page and our relationship was progressing to what we both wanted. Now, im terrified and feel that I cannot trust him with my emotional or physical well being if he is open to casual sex with strangers. Help

Answer 1

Get another boyfriend. This is just going to cause heartache.

Answer 2

First I would ask if he felt that your relationship was honest and open. Secondly, I would ask him in his own personal opinion what constitutes as "cheating". Remember not every one has the same answer. Some people feel like meeting others over the computer - so long as it hasn't gotten physical- is not doing any harm. And thirdly, I would ask how committed he feels he is in the relationship and where he sees you two in say a years time. Then and only then can you see if you are headed down the same road with the same set of morals and values.

After he has answered these questions I would seriously question myself as too whether I could live with this new-found information. I would seriously consider whether to remain in the relationship especially when it took you too sleuth out a BIG problem that could seriously affect both the relationship and your personal safety. If he is going to cheat there is no way at stopping him and the next time he may be more careful not to get caught. In my opinion he doesn't seem as committed as you once thought and doesn't seem to mind putting you in jeopardy to obtain his own sexual satisfaction. That worries me big time and you deserve respect, honesty and trust so don't settle for less.

Answer 3

Article One, Section Eight-The Powers of Congress of the Constitution says "To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;" so what part of this is %100 Bush's fault? Don't you think those good people we elect to office every year has minds of their own... Hilary voted yes, and the only reason Obama can say he didn't is because he wasn't even a senator yet. Only 23 senators voted nay, to 77 yea's... American wouldn't have even been in this predicament if Clinton was more of a man and had taken Obama (oops Osama) bin Laden out when he had a sniper in kill range. He was too busy getting busy with an intern in the oval office. If you have a leader who is afraid to stick up for our country then what will become of us? We are not invincible as clearly indicated on Sept. 11. Look at the the terrorist acts that happened while Clinton was in office and he didn't act on any of them (one night raid on Afghanistan doesn't count). People need to know that other countries hate us and will do anything to bring pain upon the United States of America.

Answer 4

Isn't it sad that we have to hide our fantasies and our true selves from the ones in our life that we should be able to be the most open with because they might be hurt or jealous if they knew the truth?

You two need to sit down and talk about this. Talk about why he is on a sex site looking for 1 on 1 sex with other women. My ex-wife went through the same thing when she found her boyfriend of a couple of years was on a site with a profile. She ended-up talking to him about it, he shared his fantasies. She was open to them and made them come true for him. That was two years ago and they are still together and still very happy. She just had to find out what he was looking for and being within her boundaries she was okay with doing it for him. Now she is the woman he fantasized about.

Answer 5

Get out while you can, you've only been with this loser for three months, leave him before things get really serious. You don't have to tell him you found out about his swinger side or you can that's up to you but either way get out of that relationship and change your passwords!

Answer 6

You are only 3 months in -- cut your losses and move on. As far as an explanation, you don't really need one except to explain that it is not going to work out. Unless, that is, that you want to explain why. It won't change the fact of what you found thogh, and to tell him will only leave him to try to give reasons why he did what he did.

Answer 7

Girl, you know what to do. Confront him about it. Hear his lame excplanation. Then let him go. That's all what it takes. It will hurt to do it, trust me. My ex cheated on me by talking to some guy on myspace. I found out by my homies that she was doing wrong. So I checked on-line and found her page. In there, I saw sexual messages of some guy that I've never seen. I was furious and ripped apart. From there, I knew what I had to. I confronted her and brake up with her in front of everyone. I carried a smile, but furious and sadened inside. We tried to work things out, but we kept going in circles. Meanwhile we were "working thing out" she was still seeing the guy that she fu**** with. Yup, she screwed him behind my back. At the end, I knew I couldn't go back with her. First time, shame on her. The second time, shame on me. If I was to go back with her, it was going to like hell. I knew that I wouldn't trust her ever again. So I did the right thing by letting her go and never going back with her. Learn from my experience, girl. I know you wouldn't want to go through hell. You gotta do what you gotta do, ok? You gotta be happy and love again. Someone who will treat you with respect. Good Luck!

Answer 8

oh gosh! i want to start off by saying SORRY! that sucks! i know that happend to me. i found out my ex put up an add like that. leave him. change everything. all your passwords. confront him about it! say you were looking for something. see what he has to say for himself. the worst that can happen is him admitting it or getting mad at you and you will know for sure what his deal is.

Answer 9

dont jump the gun. maybe he's just entertaining a fantasy. i know it think about some really freaky stuff. I've also been with my ol lady going on six years. think about this: what type of freaky things do you think about? also do you think someone is gonna give your their heart after only ththree months?

Answer 10

Well... I think it's best that you call him on it. And ask him what he is doing exactly. And if he knows that it will hurt you. It may hurt yourself for asking why, but it'd hurt you more if he goes through with it, no?