Both my fiancee and I were raised Catholic. For reasons I do not know, my fiancee has become a die hard atheist. I don't go to mass as much as I should. But I still consider my beliefs very important and believe in them very much. When time allows I do take my son to mass, but he always asks why dad doesn't come. I hate making up excuses for him. We both agreed we would not influence his beliefs, we'd let him decide. I don't force him to come with me, he wants to come. How do you explain to a 9 year old that his dad doesn't believe in God, who says that the bible just a book of fiction made up by crazy old men. I finally gave up on having my son baptised, it caused to many fights. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
2007-02-12 17:51:32 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
you really just have to be as honest as possible... it will show him your matuirty and understanding in the matter...if he (your son) doesnt see it now.. he will when he is older.
just tell him... WITH your husband (you two should talk about this before.. and make SURE that it doesnt matter to your husband if your son goes with you, and same goes for you).... that both of you have different ideas about the subject of god... that your son's father doesnt believe and you do... people are all different and its a wonderful thing. you let him make up his (your son's) mind. let him know you will love him no matter what he choices.. he doesnt have to make the choice right now.. or even in a year... just in the long run...
i strongly suggest that both of you DONT get into details about why both of you dont or do believe....just give the basics.
take care... hope things work out well.
2007-02-12 18:02:08 · answer #1 · answered by Loathing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a copy of the bible and a copy of a science book that deals with evolution - give them to your son. Tell him that many people in the world believe in the bible but many other people don't and they believe in evolution. Tell him that when children turn 9 years old, they are given these 2 books to read so they can decide what they will believe (which obviously isn't true, all children are forced to believe in god) - let him read them and both you and his father will be available to answer any questions he has about either side. When he's done with both books, he should be able to decide which way to go.
2007-02-13 07:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by ALeC.... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 7 and he knows both his parents are atheist but that Grandma and the majority of his friends are believers. You be honest with him. Don't make things up because he will eventually find out the truth and resent you for lying to him.
If you wish to indoctrinate him into Catholicism, then don't bother being honest and divorce your husband because you've already made up your mind. I'm not being mean... not really. The fact is, your husband doesn't believe what you believe and right now, you are only giving your son the side of the story you want him to hear. It sounds like he's ready to hear the other side. When the time comes in his life, he will make his own choice and if you force once believe OR THE OTHER (non-belief), you are not being fair to him or you and your husband.
Read about mythologies (Greek and Norse are our favorites) along with the bible. It will help illustrate what different cultures have believed over the years. Find a children's book about world religions.
Bottom line is he deserves the truth.
2007-02-12 18:09:11 · answer #3 · answered by Rogue Scrapbooker 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have been reading these questions about not influencing your children's religious beliefs and what not. I have kids, and because I respect their intelligence and personal spirituality I do not hide my beliefs from them. What I do is clarify that they are my beliefs and it isn't necessary for them to feel the same way. What is your son going to do in the world if you just assume he shouldn't know or that you would be influencing him. Of course you will be influencing him, he is your child. Heck what you eat when you're pregnant effects your child, there is no way around it.
I would be honest, Son, mommy believes this church thing we do, and daddy believes it is nonsense. He will learn his feelings on the subject by being educated about options and then being encouraged to have an honest dialog with his parents, asking any question on his mind.
2007-02-12 18:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you sit down with your son as a couple and explain it to him together as a couple, not one at a time, give your son the opportunity to make his own decision, in supportive atmosphere. If you tell him one by you will be making an issue that this is pulling you apart as a couple. Ensure him that you can disagree about things like this amicably as a couple. I am sure your son will surprise you...
By continuing in this vein of avoidance, you son will be confused anf feel pressure if broach the subject with him on your own. Do not give him an environment where he feels he has to choose between you. Ensure that you show that the two of you can get along despite having different beliefs and that he can follow his own mind...
2007-02-12 18:15:26 · answer #5 · answered by psicatt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be forthright and explain that you and dad have different beliefs and try not to denigrate your husband for what he believes.
You son will eventually come to his own conclusions and the differences you and your husband have will provide a fertile environment for your son's personal exploration of his beliefs.
Continue to be a silent witness for your own beliefs and someday maybe your husband will come around. You are young, like most of the posters in this forum. Age has a way of seasoning one's thinking. I can only hope that some of the posts in this forum are preserved so the posters can look at them in 20 years and see how much they have changed, too.
Ask Mr. Religion
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2007-02-12 18:07:03 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Mr. Religion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uhm...how about just saying, "dad doesn't believe in God. I do, and I want you to believe too."
Why are you making excuses for your husband? To protect your son from the truth? It's no wonder people grow up to beat around the bush and sugar-coat everything. We're so scared of telling our children the plain and simple truth. If your son needs his dad to believe in his religion in order to believe in it, then he doesn't really believe in it in the first place. He's just being led. He doesn't know any better anyway. He's just a kid. As for the part of his dad saying this and that about the bible, who needs details? If his dad decides to volunteer that insight to his son, so be it. You can just tell him the simple version I suggested at the top.
2007-02-12 18:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by Ledge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell him anything unless he asks. If he asks, I would just tell him that dad doesn't want to go. His dad can tell him why. But, I would teach him about God. There is so much influence in the world at this time to draw children away from God and their souls are at stake.
Jesus came to the earth, lived, suffered and died and was raised from death, so that we can have eternal life with Him in Heaven. We never know when the end of our time is on this earth. Even if it's a 9 year old child.
Read the gospels to him about Jesus in the Bible. Teach him how much Jesus loves him. More than likely, he will be the one who can lead his father to Jesus. Don't worry about the baptism. He can do that later when he makes the decision to do so. God understands.
Maybe if his father knew Jesus, understood that Jesus is the sacrifice for his sins, and didn't worry so much about religion, he would love and understand what Jesus did for him. Pray for him. God bless you.
2007-02-12 18:13:10 · answer #8 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
9 year olds understand a lot more than you think. He must know his dad doesn't believe in God, or at least that he doesn't want to participate in communal worship. You won't be breaking his heart if you speak to him honestly about it.
Maybe you and your son could pray together for his dad? Regularly? This could lead both of you to a great love of prayer and your son's prayers, being pure and unclouded by the cynicism of the adult world, may have more effect than your own!
2007-02-12 17:59:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're a Catholic that obviously had premarital sex as your kids dad is your fiancee, but you consider your beliefs very important?
LOL. Right. If your son can understand that, he'll have no problem understanding Atheism.
2007-02-12 19:19:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋