My mother hasn't been the best mom,when I was 7 years old her brother molested me and she did nothing. She just told me to be quiet and that if I ever speak and my father did something to him and got into trouble it was going to be my fault.Now I'm 32 years old and I still live with that.I try to love her but is to hard.She also used to tell me that I was ugly because I look like my father and not like her. My father past away and now she lives with me. My sisters don't want her even for a visit. I think I'm doing the right thing by taking care of her ,but it is very hard to love her.Any advice will be appreciated.
2007-02-12 17:30:10 · 16 answers · asked by ambershela69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would consider finding a residental living facility of no more than 4-8 other people and put her in there. visit her when i felt like it.
YOU cannot change the past, and your mom, talking to her-- about something at her age, will deny it, and you will end up hurt more and angry.
get her out of your house.
YOU are a good daughter.
take care of yourself and your family.
call 1/800/4-ACHILD AND TALK TO THEM.
They will have solid advice for you.
If this happened to me, and it did to my brother, mom, i'm sorry, you cannot live with us. we can put u in a nice little home, of 6 other residents. you will have your meals, meds, and hygene taken care of.
you visit if and when you want.
you will be much happier and healthier.
you cannot undo the past
you cannot change her.
you are trying to please the impossible.
Put yourself first and SAY NO to this person.
why does she have to live with you?
they have elder housing, care facilities and small residental homes for low monthly rent that are very nice.
2007-02-12 18:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by Lilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a lot of problem with my mom as well. She was going to put me up for adoption when I was born but my grandparents stopped her and took me in. She was not part of my life until I turned 13 years old. Three years ago I end up having to take care of her when she got sick and had undergone surgery. It wasn’t so hard when she was sick in bed, but after she got better, she was very abusive verbally and emotionally, she also hated me because my resemblance to my dad. most of the time she just ignored me completely, never cared about me, and never asked about my life or anything. I think part of the reason why it hurt so bad is because we all have this assumption about what a mother should be like. I always used to think she “ought” to care; she ought to love me more than anything in the world since I’m her only daughter. But it didn’t turn out that way and it is really hard to let go of that assumption. All parents damage their children, some more destructive than others. A lot of the times it’s because the way they themselves were raised as children. Sometimes people don't knwo how to love, maybe your mother didn’t know what was the right thing to do and didn’t know how to protect you. what has been done is already done, there is little she could do to mend your pain. It doesn’t really matter if she realize what you are doing for her and appreciate it or not, you'll always know you are doing a good thing by taking care of her.
2007-02-13 02:16:26 · answer #2 · answered by cakes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to be a better daughter is to have a better MOTHER!
Your mother is LUCKY to have you.
If your bytch of a mom would have been my mother, the next time she (and her perv brother) SAW ME, it would be on the side of a milk carton.
By the time she got out of jail she would be a great grandmother to kids that she read about in the newspaper
your mother is like a toxic waste spill.
Love her all you want to but dont let her live with you for another day. (okay she is your mother so give her the standard 30 days)
Of course she is going to cry and all that other stuff but TOO BAD!
she is an adult and she needs to stop using you.
you didnt get what you needed from her, why is it fair that she TAKES what she needs from you!
She cheated you out of your childhood and now you are letting her ruin your adulthood too!
Look at your sisters. Are they happier than you are?
If so, there is a good chance that NOT having a selfish bytch in their home is a big part of the reason!
Do you have a boyfriend?
Probably not ~ bet none of them were good enough for you according to her ~ so she ran them all off. If she keeps you single then there is no chance that her control over you will end!
END IT ON YOUR OWN!
YOu deserve a nice life and you wont have one with this negative energy around you on a daily basis.
If you want to love her, that is your choice
but you dont have to do it UNDER YOUR ROOF! YOu need the space from her constant barage of insults
2007-02-13 01:40:15 · answer #3 · answered by lisa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I am so sorry. I know that this happened a long time ago but that it is still tough for you. Somone I know and love had this happen to her when she was young, and she is still not over it. I hope you had therapy or something.
I think that you should only take care of your mother if you can handle it. If she is causing you too much stress, get rid of her. Send her elsewhere. I know that sounds cold and is hard but the reason you feel the way you do about her is her own fault, not yours. I hope everything works out for you.
2007-02-13 02:06:01 · answer #4 · answered by Interested 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother did you a terrible injustice when you were a little girl and I think maybe she did the same to your sisters. Bet they were molested too and just haven't told you about it because possibly they are ashamed. I know you love your mother and you should but you are living a terrible hell. I wish I could advise you as to what to do about it but I am not really qualified to do that. Go with your heart and the answer will come to you. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS YOU and your family.
2007-02-13 01:40:01 · answer #5 · answered by andyt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to grow up and find that parents are not perfect. Try to remember that everyone does the best that they can. You are only responsible for your own actions. In the end, you'll feel good about helping your mother in spite of the history. This may give you an opportunity to create some better memories.
2007-02-13 02:28:34 · answer #6 · answered by anmlprht 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me you are a very good daughter. I know this time is very difficult for you, but when your mom is gone, you will know you did the right thing by taking her in and taking care of her. You learned a good lesson from the way you were treated as a child. I bet you will make every effort to be a better mom than she was.
2007-02-13 03:28:29 · answer #7 · answered by MARCY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're taking care of a woman who verbally and emotionally abused you and allowed her brother to get away with molesting you...then I would say you're already a much better daughter than she deserves. She has given you no reason to love her as a daughter loves a mother, so don't feel guilty about how you feel. You're doing far more than your sisters
2007-02-13 01:40:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmph. Methinks your sisters got an even worse treatment than you got. Or, as the eldest sibling, you're a lot better at putting up with things. Well, at some point, something's gotta give, even if it takes 25 years to. Have you tried therapy?
2007-02-13 01:40:38 · answer #9 · answered by i♥sf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is to get counseling. She abused you in the worst possible way. I dont know how you manage to let her live with you, there is no way on earth I could support anyone who did to me what she did to you.
Get counseling for yourself, in my opinion she doesnt deserve your love but since you want to get it I think youre going to need way more than anyone in here can tell you. Just so you know....you are being a better daughter already by taking care of someone who abused you horribly so dont think your not a good daughter.
2007-02-13 02:18:10 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋