family problems...please help..?

Question

Hey there my name is Michael, and this is my problem. My dad is always blaming my mom for cheating on him. I mean since they have been together for the past 16years, nothing but fighting and arguing over it. My dad was put in jail for 8years when i was 2 years old, he got out when i was 10, i am 16 now. Since then all i have heard is blaming, over this. Well tonight, my dad put up his radio, and recorded everything that was going on, while he was out of the house, he came home and listened to his type. He says he has been doing that for awhile, i had no clue he was or i would have broken his radio a long time ago..just to tick him off. Ok so he listened to his type..and asked my mom how many people called, how came in and out of the house, what was she doing. Now c'mon..this isnt normal is it? He even said that alot of guys voice record, and even video record their wives, now i know that isnt true...right? tell the truth have u ever done that, to ur wife? would u even do it? Continued

Now the rest of the problem, i have two brothers ages of 2 and almost 5, he says they arent his, i dont think he believes i am his. My mom wants to leave him but we have no place to go, and no one to help us. Even if my mom even talks to a guy, he gets all mad at her..omg i can not even think about doing that to my girlfriend. Its like he has to be controling over everything, what my mom does, if i leave the house to go to a friends house, she gets blamed for everything, so i am trapped in the house..no able to do or go any where without him saying so. Has anyone else been through this? my main question is, what should i do?..how should i do it? tonight as my parents were talking all i could think about was running away tonight, or doing something stupid..i dont know how much more i can take.

erm, Info i left out, I am in homeschooling so i can help my mom with my brothers, also if i as home school..god this problem would have been worse without me to see weather or not my mom was where she said she was, and was doing everything she said she was doing, my girlfriend..believe me i'd be with her in a heart beat, but i cant. Its a really long story. I want to thank u all for helping me, i really did need some advice. Thank u all very much. Also my 'father' has told my mom if she leaves..he'll kill her, he she puts him away, when he gets out, he'll hunt her down and kill her, he wants us to leave yet, he wont let us..well he'll let just my mom leave, but he wont her let take me and my brothers..would anyone know why?..and how come he would do that?

PS: I live in Columbus Ohio.

Mikesgirl, he was on drugs for a long time, about 2 years, he was on crack, and he does drink..just not like every night. when he does drink, he drinks and goes to bed, there was a gun in the house, but i got rid of it, also he cant hurt anyone trust me, im bigger and he knows i will protect my mom and brothers till i die, he has pull a knife on me once..and i kicked him out of the house, then put him in jail for like 30days, thats when he was trying to OD on crack because his mom past away, but still, no excuse for it..to take it out on his family

Answer 1

Your mom and you and your siblings need to get out of their asap...depending on what state you live in, she needs to file for divorce. Often times...if the mother does not have a job and needs more money for support, the ex-husband has to pay alimony in addition to child support.

What you are experiencing is definately not normal and this could be categorized as spousal abuse...you could call the cops and he can get into big trouble over his behavior.

Answer 2

Micheal im sorry to hear you are in such an abusive relationship try this talk to mom see if she will get a restraining order on him have him thrown out of the house tell your mom to go and apply with the DHS for assistance and make sure the police know your situation there is an order from the court called a peace bond ask her to file this in court as well it will have a small fee but would be on record ask her to be sure and have no male friends even just speaking for the present your dad is insecure and will automatically assume the worst it sounds like a very dangerous situation,does your mom have friends or family to help back her up if so let them know the situation and maybe there is a male figure that could provide some protection just by being there/you your brothers and your mom needs to be seperated from this situation he is trying and controlling the family out of using fear tactics to your mom there is reason to be warry when and if he sees hes losing control over you all then it could be like a time bomb,if at all possible make sure your mom has someone besides you kids to back her up........good luck Michael and God Bless you and your mom and brothers

Answer 3

Kiddo make a plan. You have the rest of your life ahead of yourself too so don't do anything stupid. Also, you won't believe this but your parents do love you u will figure this out later.
Now you need to do some research. At 16 u need to find out if you can get an emancipation. That is where u move out on your own. Get a job pay your own rent live on your own with roomates or whatever. Work really hard u can have your mom live with you or whatever u want to deal with.

Or you could go to a foster home. That sucks live on your own if u can.

Or you can call cps child protective services if you feel anyone is in real danger. Check into that. they take all the kids away and not all of them go to the same home and you have no control if one of your siblings go to a bad home.

Your mom could get a restraining order which would keep him so many miles away from you guys. it is only paper though and if he gets real pissed off your not safe till the cops get there. She should then have him sign a divorce thingy. You might want to move as it sounds like unhealthy emotional environments for young children not to mention your parents.

You can get out if you want to though and start out on your own. You will feel guilty but know that u did what u had to do and if you can help your mom and siblings out as much as you can. If you wanted you could get a restraining order against your dad too so there is that option. Don't screw up your life playing with guns. That will hurt everyone you think you will be protecting. Do it the legal way and make something of yourself and show your father what a real man is and what a real father does. show him up but don't be arrogant about it. It is going to be a tough road but you can do it.

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do to repair your parents relationship. Not only is it NOT your fault, it's also not your responsibility, it's not your relationship. Unfortunately, you have no control over what your parents do. Your parents' relationship is unhealthy to say the least. There are things your mom can do to get out.... where there is a will there's a way. My mom did it with three small children and she worked only part time. It can be done, but it's not easy and sometimes it's easier not to leave rather than face the daunting task of floating your own boat with three children. There are a million and one reasons why women stay in these types of relationships. Who knows what your mom's is. Until she's ready to leave you're likely stuck in this situation. Your dad has probably been changed as a result of a prison environment. No, it's not typical or common for men to record their wives. It's paranoid. Good luck to you and your parents!!

Answer 5

You do have a major problem, you and your family need to leave when he isn't around go anywhere to another state or any where and stay close to your mom she needs you right nowl. Usually the one who is accusing someone of cheating is actually cheating themselves. But you have got to leave with your mom and you brothers. Let him come home to an empty house and don't tell any one where you are going call Family Services they may or may not be of any help but your poor mother I was in a abusive relationship and when I left with my kids he was shooting at the car with the kids in it as I was leaving and the police did nothing but I am rid of him today. But it takes you being strong and protecting your family at this point maybe go to a church and ask for help. If you have to beat the **** out of him then leave. Tell him if he does anything to you or your family it will be the last thing he ever does. You put the fear of God in him and let him know that you will not tolerate him abusing your mother any longer for any reason

Answer 6

Unless your mom can gather the courage to take you and your brothers out of this situation, the only things you can do is 1) try to cope with it 2 more years until you're an adult and can make your own decisions 2) report this as abuse, because no kid needs to be hearing this fighting and living with this volatile situation 3) get a part-time job after school so you're not home as much 4) see if you can live with a grandparent or aunt/uncle. This is really a bad situation, and it will affect your little brothers even more. My heart goes out to you...I hope you can find help

Answer 7

I am really very sorry to hear of what you and your mum are going through. So for starters. DONT YOU DARE DO ANYTHING STUPID OR RUN AWAY. That is the most selfish thing you could do. Emagine how your mum would feel not having you there for suport. So don't consider it. Now you say you don't know how much more you can take. Can you possibly think of how your mum feels. You are her responsibility. First it your mums parents are alive your family could consider going there. The law is the big hurdle here. I have never been through it but it looks like that your mum and dad have just fallen out of love with each other. Or you dad thinks of your mum as a possesion instead of a wife.

Answer 8

You need to talk to your mom away from the home and come up with a plan. Do NOT do something stupid, as your mom and brothers need you. Without you, they'd have a harder time with everything, including the loss. It is not normal to video or voice tape anyone without their permission and it is not something that all men, or most men do to their wives. You need to express your concern with your mom, about how it is affecting you and the little boys. She is probably very hurt and frustrated, probably feeling hopeless, maybe you telling her you want to help will give her some hope. I know that shelters are a really impossible answer, and so is living with relatives sometimes. I would call your local social services, they would probably have some advice. If I could help I would, but my husband isn't very giving either, and wouldn't agree with helping. Good luck, and don't give up, your little brothers need you!

Answer 9

i know exactly how family problems can be. Since you seem to be the main person who can stand on the outside and observe and identify or even acknowledge the problem, the only thing you really can do is be strong for them, your dad obviously has major trust issues that he needs to work out. Maybe if you try talking to them separatly about it, i know it is waaaaay more easier said than done. my entire family is engaged in a psychological warfare and im like the spy sent to deliver messages, it's ridiculous. Sometimes adults never really grow up, and all you can do is learn from the experience and use it to make yourself a better person and avoid making the same mistakes. Your mom seems like a pretty patient woman to put up with a guy who is constantly throwing accusations at her, i know i would have left long ago.I hope things work out and i hope you find a way to be the better person and look away.

Answer 10

For the time being, hang in there for your two younger brothers. If your mom really wants to leave, work on helping her find a place. However, I wouldn't discuss it in the house where he might be recording. Women's shelters are for this type of situation. He sounds dangerous. What city are you in? Maybe me or someone else knows the name of a shelter. No, this is not normal behavior and it will get worse. Stay to help your mom at this point, but work towards helping her find a solution. She is probably not very strong from being beaten down emotionally for so long.

Answer 11

Holy cow, 200?! Woo thats dedication. I'm guessing the numbers are dissapating cuz of school or some had to move out for college and have no time anymore. Or sports. Or like me get the Internet taken away all the time by sus madres. I don't really ask many questions period but I try to answer the TH questions that I know. And pretty much every random question i answer i refer to TH or how sexy Bill is. Even in Horoscope section, which I spend the most time in, I talk about my Virgo lover boy named Bill, giving him all the love of his polar opposite Pisces can give. Also in the music section, I always recommand THs songs and write a novel long answer why they are so amazing. So I think I'm doing my duty lol You all are so funny and sweet, love u all! :)