i have a 4yr old and i also have a 3month old..before baby i had all the time in the world for my girl and now with my son he takes up alot of my time and leaves not alot of time for my daugther..i feel so bad but she is so great with her brother but trys to be mommy and also does act out every once in a while due to lack of attention and i know its very normal.how do you all deal with it? what do you or have you done to make more time with the older child and make them them feel not so left out?
2007-02-12 16:28:39 · 14 answers · asked by lovedove662000 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It's not that hard to find time for her.Here are some ideas which will give her the needed attention and won't get all of your free time.
1.Ask her to help you
When you change your son's diapers there are some opportunities.A 3-year-old can bring you a new diaper and throw the dirty one.When you wash clothes she can be nearby and you can ask her to push the buttons on the washing machine.
2.Give her personal attention
When you go to the store or to the park with both your children,talk with her(about everything).When you are at home while the baby is asleep play some games with her.Explain her how happy you are to have an older child to talk to and have fun with.When the baby's crying ask her if she wants to play him some music(she can turn on the radio or sing something - it won't calm the baby down but she will feel more special).
3.Show her an example of self-respect
Respect her but respect yourself too.When you need a rest,tell her you are going to have a rest and she will have to spend some time by herself.Then go to sleep for an hour or two.Help her follow a regime in the evening.When going to bed,read her tales but not endless - tell her when the end will be.
You may not have understood the last advice but it's very imortant.When she sees you respect yourself,she learns how to respect herself and and also learns how to wait for the pleasures and not to receive them imediately.Good luck!
2007-02-12 18:11:16 · answer #1 · answered by Livia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter was two years old when I had my second daughter.
When I feed the baby I read her a story. I got her involved with the baby and gave her special jobs. It was her job to choose the babies outfit every morning ( I'd lay out weather appropriate outfits and let her choose), at changing time she was in charge of passing me the wipes/cream etc, bath time her job was to wash the babies legs.
When the baby was asleep we had our special time, where we would draw or play block or whatever. If I was too tired I would put on a movie and we'd snuggle on the lounge together.
My Mum was a great help. She would come over once a week and watch the baby so I could do fun things with the oldest and just have a great time. Then she would take her and have special time as well, she'd take her to the park or shopping, anything as long as she was away from the baby and receiving separate attention that made her feel special.
Maybe set aside a certain time during the day where your daughter gets to choose something she wants to do. And you do it.
Do whatever you can to make her feel included and special. Lots of hugs and I love you's.
2007-02-13 07:18:41 · answer #2 · answered by Monkey Magic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you I remember those days. I am sure that you are doing the best that you can. It's good to let the older child help you it makes them feel good so they won't get to jealous. They still will sometime so let it make you feel bad. Try to spend some time alone with the older child when you can. If someone can watch the baby take the 4 year old out to lunch or to the library and let them know because they are a big girl look where we can go together. When the baby is asleep let the 4 year old on your lap and enjoy a story or a video together. These are precious times enjoy every day.
2007-02-13 00:42:33 · answer #3 · answered by phylobri 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not so much the amount of time that you spend, but the quality of time that it is. When the baby is sleeping do someting special with your daughter. Even a few minutes of reading a book, playing a game together, or painting her nails will make her feel special. Reassure her that you still love her and that the baby is not taking her place. It is normal for her to be jealous. It may help to let her help you with the baby. Let her show the baby books, help her feed the baby, let her help you get clothes for the baby. Just little things will help her feel that she is a part of the babies life and may ease the jealousy.
2007-02-13 11:14:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also have more than one child, i have a 6yr old and now a 1yr old. It is very tough. But what i found is take at least one day of the week or weekend make that your "special day" make it a routine to leave baby at home with dad, that way you get a little break and your daughter feels special. She will come to know that you will be spending time together. She won't be so lonley.
Do it with daddy too! Hope this helps alittle.
2007-02-13 10:37:17 · answer #5 · answered by Tanya B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters, let her be the mommy for little things. My 2 yr old LOVES to be mommy. I'll let her hold the baby (with my supervision of course), and she will get his blanket, or toys, and she'll help get his clothes. Even when he has a bath, she'll wash his back. When he's sleeping, cuddle with her or read her a book. Make the time you spend alone with her really special. After the baby's in bed, spend alone time with her. If you're married, your husband can watch the baby while you spend time with her alone, or vice versa. As the baby gets older, you'll realize what your daughter wants (jealous, wants to be mommy. . . . ) and go from there :) It does get easier!!
2007-02-13 00:53:19 · answer #6 · answered by christianforChrist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do not have multiple children just one, but i have a close friend that has 2 one is 4 the other is 6months. she is a stay at home mother, not sure if you are but even if you are not then you can do this too. every time that she puts her baby down for a nap she will go color or play dress up with her older daughter, or she will let her stay up later than normal a few days out of the week, and once a month or so they go just her and the oldest to eat and shop, she is the youngest shopaholic i have ever seen. if you do not have a baby sitter you could still bring him along but you daughter will feel like you are spending more time with her if you just say me and you are gonna go somewheres together wether it be her favorite place or whatever. good luck with you little boy and girl
2007-02-13 00:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by treys girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have three children, my son is two and my twin girls are one. I felt the same way when my girls were born and as time went by figured out how to deal with this situation. My son could help in some of the care taking with his new sisters. When they got a bath I let him help with a washcloth (gently) help wash his sisters. Put lotion on them, and with super vision he talked too them while I picked out their out fits etc.. The thing I found out is to try when you can to include your older child in as much of the care taking/fun playtime as possible. Also if your hubby is around he can spend a little extra time with the older sibling so they don't feel left out. It was hard and it still is but it does get easier. My son was only eleven months old when the girls were born and it was tough, but with time it goes a little smoother. Its a learning experience I guess.
2007-02-13 00:54:49 · answer #8 · answered by jenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have four kids, 10, 4, 3, 1. It is nearly impossible to show independent attention to all, but It is also normal. You cannot feel guilty b/c your spending more time with one or the other. Just try to take advantage of certain times, like when baby is sleeping spend time with the older. When the older is sleeping, spend time with baby. Use kid naps to your advantage, it will leave YOU tired but happy your giving time to all kids. Try taking walks too, baby loves the stroller and as long as your moving, he's happy and it leaves time for you to give your 4yo.
2007-02-13 02:29:12 · answer #9 · answered by pozitive thinking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's okay dont worry i have a 7 and a 8 yr old girls. they are 14 months apart in age. when i found out i was pg again my baby was like 6 months old i was in shock, but you need to let big sis help while you are changing , feeding, clothing even bathing the baby, at nap time read books to both kids at the same time, all this will give all 3 of you all bonding time and she will love being the BIG HELPER also. you will have to get a system going like i said above to help out and in time it will come naturally to all of you guys, for now have fun with them while they are still little cause they grow up way 2 fast, and good luck.
2007-02-13 00:41:48 · answer #10 · answered by willwork4u2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋