This can't be my life, what am I cursed?

Question

I don't understand what is wrong with me. Especially when it comes to women. In this field I am only greet with defeat, I know it is kind of odd, but I even keep track of all the no's, and I am past my own age with rejections. I don't give up, but it keeps getting harder. I'll be honest, I am in my early to mid 20's, and have yet to go out on a single date, not to mention receive a first kiss, a hug, or any other kind of affection from the opposite sex. I have literally tried everything, going to clubs/bars, speed dating, the online thing, school, and the list is almost endless. I even went to two separate dating/relationship counselors. I try, but I was meant to be alone or not count. Yeah the gods are on a role. They must be playing another round of "Can you top this?" So I am asking you guys, what is wrong with me. What am I doing wrong? I am ready to throw in the towel.

Answer 1

No offense........is it your looks? That could be one thing. Or it could be your approach with women and how you handle yourself. A woman can tell when you're uncomfortable and nervous. Most women don't like nervous men. We like men who are confident and a lot of the times dominant and the stronger ones.

Maybe you need a make-over. Find someone to help you.

Answer 2

Well one thing's for sure, a defeatist attitude isn't going to solve the problem. It could be that your lack of success up to this point is starting to seep through in how you present yourself.

If you start to internalize the thought that "maybe I'm meant to be alone", it will eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know some folks have suggested you check your appearance and hygiene, but I take it for granted that you've already gone over those pretty well in light of your track record.

I would suggest this. Try becoming active in things where dating isn't the primary goal, say, an activity group where you can just get to know people casually without the upfront pressure of "do I wanna date this person" breathing down their necks. Many cities have coed activity clubs for skiing, sports teams, etc.

For instance, the city I live in has a coed singles tennis group for all ability levels. I've gone to it a few times and it doesn't matter if you suck at the activity, because it's a virtual certainty that someone else will suck just as bad. The emphasis is on just having fun doing an activity that everyone in the group enjoys.

If you can find an environment in which you're meeting women where the emphasis is just on having fun and getting to know other people, hopefully a few of them will get to know you and feel comfortable with you, and then you'll be on a stronger footing to ask one of them out.

Answer 3

Hard to say what you're doing wrong, since you haven't given details. Seems to me that all you have to do is talk to people and be interested in them. I get dates when I look my worst because I am being myself and not trying to impress anyone. I go to local events that interest me, so there is something to talk about that I can be genuinely interested in. I had no dates until I was in college, and dated that one guy for a long long time, so I wasn't a dating expert by any means - had to learn to do it all over when I was 30 and alone again. Confidence helps a lot - that's why you go where you are already comfortable. For me, that could be a school play, a sci-fi convention, a local festival, a silversmithing class. Focus on meeting people, not dates. People have friends who can turn into dates. Try to just enjoy yourself first, and be a decent, honest person. Talk about things you are passionate about, and ask about other people's interests. You never know... And sometimes you have to be the one to ask, or give the hug, because everyone is unsure and a lot of people are afraid to make that first gesture.

Answer 4

I honestly don't think your cursed. I also don't think anything is wrong with you other than maybe you are trying to hard, hard not to do. I am assuming that you are out of collage or working on your own. Do you live by yourself or with a roommate/ If not, why? Do you shower daily? Have you gotten your hair cut in a fashionable way? Do you smile and say hi to people? If you are already doing all these things I would give you Ann Launders advice. Get involved in something that YOU are interested in. Maybe volunteering for an emergency hot line once a week, take a class, join a volunteer force ., volunteer at an animal shelter, another words, do the research and mind searching and decide what it is that turns you on. Water, air, animals, books, writing, biking, skiing, water rafting, helping kids, museum tours, information booths, etc. Another words, do something you enjoy and your chances of meeting a girl who is interested in the same things go up many percentages. Good luck, there is someone out there for you!!!

Answer 5

Maybe you're trying too hard. Some things come naturally and when we least expect it..........and "love" is definitely one of them. Don't focus so much on how many rejections you've managed to obtain, but more on who what you're revealing to everyone around you. Take a look at yourself inside and out. Are you pleased and comfortable with YOU? Do you like yourself? Are there things that you can improve and change? It's all about the vibes that you're giving out. Also, when you try too hard, desperation shows and that's not attractive to anyone. You have to be confident enough in your own skin and strong enough to be exactly who you are...........Bars/Clubs are not the most ideal place to meet good, quality people. Try joining clubs or events that have to do with your own interests and hobbies. This will give you more options to meet people that share similiar things and a great way for conversations to start and who knows what else can follow............Good luck!

Answer 6

Well sweetie, there's someone for everyone and you haven't found that one yet, believe it or not you may be looking in the wrong places. You're too eager. Way too eager. So you're in your mid 20s so what, that person is still out there for you. Maybe you should get some confidence and try improving yourself. Maybe they don't think you're attractive, or you're going out of your league. That could be your problem. You have to be confident in yourself, us women tend to see your weaknesses and if you let some of us see them we tend to take advantage. Get into a "me-phase" and start taking care of you. Go to the gym, a book reading things that interest you. Clubs and bars is no place to meet decent women, if you care about that. Take care of yourself now. When you least expect it, love knocks you down. Don't worry. Take a deep breath. You're going to be okay. Good luck babe!

Answer 7

Well, that's life. It is always unfair but you should never give up. Instead, try to not think about it so much. I know it can be painful especially when you're outside and you see couples holding hands and etc. But i believe that nobody is meant to be lonely and you are not. I'm sure you have friends around. Instead of finding for a soulmate, why not you focus on your friends or family and improve your relationship with them. Besides they have friends too, so you can increase your social circle and who knows, you might find the ONE, :P. Just dont give up.

Answer 8

Dont throw in the towel.
There is someone out there for you and when you find her you will appreciate her that much more.

In the meantime can you make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.
Be sure to smile and say hello to everyone that crosses your path.
When you or anyone smiles it is like a magnent.
People want to share in that joy.
A simple hello with a smile will work wonders.

Talk to someone you trust (not your mom) and ask them about your wardrobe and make sure that it is up to date. Go visit your dentist and make sure your oral hygine is okay too!

Then join stuff.


Volunteer to work with habitat for humanity or the red cross. It is hard to be lonley when you are helping others in their time of need.
Have you ever thought about going (back) to college? There are plenty of women on campuses all accross america that are waiting to meet a great guy like you.
If you dont met anyone there, you still have not wasted your time because you were able to get some more education and you might be able to meet some great friends.
Also
have you checked your standards to determine if they are realistic?
If you are (sorry to say) a man who is 5'5 but only wants to date women who are Dallas cowboy cheerleaders, it is NOT going to happen.
Have you turned down a woman who was interested in you because she worked at walmart?
If yes, why not get to know her and maybe you will find out that she is working there to pay for her bachelors degree....

Be open to 'non traditional' women. Not to say you have to date a woman with a handicap or anything like that but maybe a woman who is not a blond bombshell but who has a bit more substance on the inside would be someone worth considering!
GOOD LUCK!
Dont give up, she IS out there.

Answer 9

You have to find in your mind the type of person you want. Be giving that a lot of thought , and don't settle just because suddenly someone wants to kiss you. Then, keep that person in mind, and keep an open mind..and stop looking!
The person will come from nowhere....like magic..Listen..that person wasn't ready at the same time you were...she is getting prepared..maybe she wasn't available but now is..Also..you have to stay happy because when she shows up she will appreciate a happy face!!

Answer 10

Dude, I hear you, a few years ago I was right in your boat. But, once I finally got past all that, I relized the thing that always was holding me back was my lack of balls. I just never toughened up and did what I had too, I still suffer from the fear of rejection a little bit but Im alot better now. Just if it ever seesm sort of right, dont get scared away, go all in with your best moves.