Meeting my real dad... I need some advice.?

Question

Long-story-short...

My birth father and my mom separated when I was 10 months old..and diorced soon after that. I had visitation rights with my older sister for a few years, but then my mom got full custody of my sister and I. That was when I was about 4 or 5 I guess. Both of them re-married. Now, I am finnaly ready to met him after almost 20 years.
Complications: My adopted Dad and my mom have a child together (she's almost 11 years old now). and My older sister wants nothing to do with him..not to mention how my mom's heart will be put through a rollercoaster . I need to meet him. it is my right. (no matter how guilty I may feel) I am ready, and I really need this closure. I 'm almost ready to start a new chapter of my live with the man of my dreams, and I do not feel completely ready to give my future without knowing my past, and finding myself at peace with it. what do you think about:
1. writing an e-mail to him
2. calling him
3. meeting him in person after #1.

Answer 1

I'm going to tell you that i answered this question because i went through the same thing when i was 19, I'm 47 now. It is very important to get this out of your system. I do have to tell you be prepared for what you get no matter what it may be. I went for answers myself. I hopped a Greyhound bus and traveled across the country from California to Chicago, late 70s. My sister didnt want a thing to do with it, and my mom wasnt happy but this was about me then. I knew my Grandpa would help me find him and he did. I went to meet my Uncle in his barber shop and he knew me the minuite i walked in the door. I called and talked to my Dad and he maid several attempts to see me but canceled on me every time. I finally called and said I'm heading out, your choice, meet me in Chicago bus terminal at this time or i guess ill See ya. He did meet with me and spent three hrs with me answered a few questions. I went back home and thought he would at least write me as he said he would but he never did. I spent a long time wondering why and what was the problem..But you know we dont have to have, all the answers!! We just may never have them ,getting this done helped me see who i was and that was Ok. I found out some medical things and that was it. twenty years later in my forties i found my lost Aunt because i always wanted to see or hear from my half brother and sister. Well we met a while later when she came here and i will cherich that forever,she was awesome and filled in the blanks for me. Sometimes theses things work out but sometime they leave you with needing more. We have to decide that no matter what, we arent definded by it.. but who we really are. We develope what we need from who God already placed in our lives to be with us during the absence of the biological parent. Do at least try, but if you cant get anything dont let that stay with you.You know they have a responisibility too!! and if they dont want to, then you may be better off for now. God Bless you

Answer 2

Try to work things out you need a father and only 1 person can be there you can have 6 step fathers but none of them will add up to the real thing.

Answer 3

Don't worry about your older sister, but talk to your mom and step-dad and explain what you need.

Then phone and test the waters, if it seems like it might work out, go for it. Arrange a meeting in a public place, a coffee shop or restaurant.

The worst thing that we do to ourselves is have expectations, don't have any just be open for whatever happens.

Answer 4

Dont have too many expectations, you cant know how he feels until he tells you, and be honest with yourself and him. I would phone him, e-mail seems a bit inpersonal for this, you can only tell him who you are and what you want, then its up to him.
Good luck I hope it all goes well for you.

Answer 5

Dont matter..i never knew my father..