i need a joke to break the ice.......?

Question

i got this assignment for my nursing class. i have to find a joke that will show that laughter is good for your health. i need i a good clean joke, but cant find any! if u know any nursing jokes that would be awesome! thanks so much everyone and god bless!

Answer 1

Maybe a hammer would work better...

Answer 2

Mr. Smith, anxious about his upcoming surgery, was in his hospital bed and had been getting his pre-operative testing done most of the day.

A nurse came in and stated, "I have bad news and good news. Which do you want first?"

Mr. Smith said, "Tell me the bad news first."

Nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that your doctor will be in shortly to slap the crap out of you."


Heeheehee!


A married couple were in a terrible accident in which the woman's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, ''Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.''

"My darling,'' he replied, ''Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.''




That's all I got for now.....

Answer 3

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

When is the best time to go see the dentist?
Tooth hurty.

The next one may considered borderline....

A little boy is dressed as a pirate on Halloween. At the first house, a lady answered the door.

"What a cute little pirate. Where are your buccaneers?"
The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Answer 4

why did the coach go to the bank?




to go get a quarterback!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwmwmwmwmwmmwmwahhahahahahhahah.....
( jk that joke was really dum here is a better one )




A young Indian asked his dad "dad how did you come up with my name?"
His dad replied "As soon as a baby is born the father walks out of the tepee and looks for a sign as to what to name the child. for example when your sister was born I walked out and saw a doe grazing in the field so she was named grazing doe. And when your brother was born I walked out and saw an eagle flying overhead so he was named flying eagle. Why do you ask Two Dogs Humping?"


( or )



A Small Problem

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ***, didn't it?'''



( or )


Carrots

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?




( or )



Star Trek

Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.



( or )



15 Ways to be Annoying

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a ''spider person.''
4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let him in! He's the killer!''
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this time.''
7) Beep when a large person backs up.
8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the ''little men.''
9) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
15) Insist that life is ''one big musical,'' then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.




( or )



What's for Dinner?

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again."
"Well," the doctor replies, "go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she is chopping some vegetables, he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"




Hope these jokes are funny LMAO material!!!!!!!! good luck

Answer 5

This joke is so stupid and tired but I love it:

A guy walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. Later he leaves the bar and as he's walking home he runs into a grasshopper. The man says, "Hey, you know there's a drink named after you?"
And the grasshopper says, "Really? There's a drink called Ted?"

Answer 6

go to funny.com there are some funny clean jokes but when you look up jokes put it on the g rating

Answer 7

Love Story

I will seek and find
You . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache,
shake & sweat until
you moan & groan.

I will make you beg
for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to
the point that you will
be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am
finished, you will be
weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Answer 8

Guy walks into a bar with his pet newt. Bartender asks, "what's your newt's name?"

"Tiny"

"Why tiny?"

"Because he's minute"

Answer 9

Shout "FAT PENGUIN!"

Then when everyone's looking at you, follow up with "just an icebreaker..."

Answer 10

search for it dont ask other people