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It's been about 5 months since I broke up with the woman I thought was the love of my life. But, she has had a long and crazy life, and near the end of our relationship starting doing more and more drugs and I just couldn't handle it any more, since I was struggling myself. As I was leaving she was screaming how much she hated me and hoped she never saw me again. We've stayed in touch to a degree, talking about once every 2 weeks, but today she called me apologizing about what she had said, and basically confessed her undying love for me. She plans to go to rehab within a week. but I can't help but worry that she is trying to get back together with me simply because I'm a stable, simple guy she can be safe with. Am I being too cynical or am I correct in worrying about her motivations?

2007-02-12 14:12:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

16 answers

You are correct in taking care of your natural fears. If you were farting rainbows in the past with her then you wouldn't have these concerns. She will have to understand that you simply are not ready to jump into anything until she is emotionally stable!

GL!

'-)

2007-02-12 14:15:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Not to quote AA or anything but "no relationships for a year" ring a bell? Not exactly one of the twelve steps but definitely room wisdom. This girl is not capable of loving you until she learns to be okay with herself and she most likely doesn't even know who that is yet. I am not saying that her feelings are not real, I'm saying that she is entirely unavailable for any kind of emotional commitment, but you already know that, don't you? Unfortunately, as a substance abuse professional, our rule of thumb is 5 years clean and then we can explore relationship possibilities seriously. First year is just the battle to get sober. Second year the battle to stay sober and not be complacent. Years 3-4 are discovering who you really were before the disease ate you for breakfast and 4-5, incorporating that with who you're going to be now. This girl has a very long road ahead of her and you will only be hindering this process by presenting a possible love interest. If you really love her, step back, let her do what she needs to do, and be there for her when she emerges as a (mostly) whole person. Best of luck to you!

2007-02-12 14:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by answergrrl3 4 · 0 0

you can never be sure about the feelings of a person who's in drugs....the question is if you love her enough to take that risk and get back with her,it's a long way and most of the time it's painful..so are you willing to help her make through this situation or not?i guess if you were ready you wouldn't have asked that question....you have to make sure that you'll be with her all the way first because she probably needs you...and yes maybe it's because you are a stable guy and she feels safe with you...but that doesn't mean that she is not in love with you...good luck pal

2007-02-12 14:22:48 · answer #3 · answered by anna gr 3 · 0 1

Let her go ,she needs to stand on her own two feet and make a life for her self ,No one should do it for her .You have to live alone be for you can live with some one else .She has never learned yet .Your relationship was not strong enough to keep her off drugs in the first place and it won't keep her off when she gets out .You deserve better life is short
. Best of tomorrows to you .

2007-02-12 14:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine814 5 · 0 0

It's natural to think that way. But if you really care for this woman. Give her the benefit of the doubt wait and see if she goes through the whole rehab scenerio for a while. Then take it from there. maybe then she will realize how serious you are about changing your ways as well. Good Luck with her and good luck to you for keeping it stable.

2007-02-12 14:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by Shorty06 3 · 0 1

You are correct.You should be worried about her motivations because she can just be sucking you into her world of drugs.Be her friend just don't get too close until you know for sure she out of drugs.If she asks you to get together tell her you will think about it.Moniter her moves if she gets better get back together but if you see her with drugs saty away from her before you are an addict.

2007-02-12 14:18:17 · answer #6 · answered by ♥JESUS IS MY SAVIOR ♥ 4 · 0 1

hi, i think u shd give both of u more time. its great that she's going to rehab but tell her that she must do this for herself and not others. its for her own good.

i understand where your worries come from.... if you care for her as a friend, make sure she gets back on the right track. But make it clear to her that you are doing this cos you treasure her as a friend and nothing more. meanwhile, do stay a distance from her also.

let her know that no one can love her unless she loves herself.

gd luck!

2007-02-12 14:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 1 0

very correct in worrying about her motivations. My aunt is a junkie and she does the same thing. tell her to call you when she is stable herself and has been sober for a year . Until then just be friends and don't take it any farther than that. Be there for moral support only.

2007-02-12 14:15:59 · answer #8 · answered by dolphinnut798 2 · 0 1

With drug abusers, you can never account for their motivations, since the drugs have wreaked havoc with their normal drives and desires. The best thing you can do for her is to encourage her to get clean. The best thing you can do for yourself is to see to your own life. You've been dealing with a drug user for a long time, and your own needs need your attention and effort now.

2007-02-12 14:16:54 · answer #9 · answered by robertspraguejr 4 · 1 0

They LOVE you and are excited to work out you. Or they're excited that this is almost time for supper. Or a mixture of the two. besides it style of feels your coming house is a vital cue of their time table. they have purely desperate this is the time to quit mendacity around and upward thrust up and run around and play with one yet another and have interaction with you.

2016-09-29 01:04:16 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

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