He has decided that since he's almost 20, I can't tell him what to do or anything. However, he sitll lives at home, is in the middle of a custody battle with his 19 year old ex girlfriend - my grandson is 16 months old. They have 50/50 custody now. My son LIES the worst in the world to me. I told him to pick his friends or his family (he & I live alone but I have a large family around). He told me he would not see this one particular person any longer but I find out he did the next day. He's been out of a job for 3 weeks and still hasn't found one.
When he is to be out looking for a job (and he swears he is) I find out he's running with bad influences.
I took the house keys away from him & told him to find another place to live if he couldn't live by my rules but he makes me feel guilty. What do I do?
2007-02-12 13:23:49 · 18 answers · asked by staci1965 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
God, this is such a frustrating situation. And I speak from the point of view of the "child". I am not much older now in years, althoug I've changed alot, and I remember what its like being a young adult. I was never really under the wing of any parent, but i do remember the seemingly hoplessness of the situation. the sad truth is, whatever people are going to discover and learn, they are going to do it on their own time. It can be at 20, 25, or 50. It's such a touchy age. At that point, he probably takes your concern as intrusion.
Tough love sucks, on both ends...But if there is ever to be any real growth, like I imagine a parent dreams of for their child, its a necessity.
All you can do is let him know you are there for him, but not while all he spills from his mouth are lies. I would demand he grows up, moves out. Its painful. And i did a lot of things to intentionally anger my parental units while i was discovering my own truths. But in the end, I knew it was an uphill battle for everyone. And in the discovery of my own true happiness, I let go all the useless resentments from my "childhood".
I wish you the best of luck dear.
P.S...Remember, ALWAYS, that guilt is a situational emotion. If your heart and intentions are true, well, tht all you can give. He is still just a child. And keep in mind, that he will not see himself that way until he truly grows up. It is a painful process for both parties. But you ARE doing the right thing. I cannot imagine the life of a parent, but as a child i can with clear concious pass on to you that we are resentful, arrogant, and in forever within our own world. Only on our own can we emerge. It is your constant, if distant, presence that gives us hope.
2007-02-12 13:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by maatawry 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing about staying home is will you still have insuruance? Make sure you have another job before you quit. Don't feel bad about whatever decision you make because its what is best for your child. I make just a little bit more than what you do. My husband is the stay at home dad. Every single day I wish that it were different. After my baby comes I know that I will be making even more money because of my work situation. I only live about 20 minutes from home and plan on doing a program to car pool. With gas going up I would suggest talking to the father and seeing what you could work out. If you find a job closer to home that sounds like a good solution but don't feel bad about it! Your co-workers will understand.
2016-05-24 03:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by Patricia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You raised him for 20 years, and he is an adult, so make him act like one. You need to throw him out. You can't make him run with the right crowd, but you can control where he sleeps at night. Its not going to be easy on you but its tough love and I think that is your best bet. He will realize what mistakes he is making, but let him figure it out on his own, he will never learn if you keep guiding him along. Its doing him a favor too, he might not think that way about it when you do, but it forces him to be more responsible.
Another thing you could suggest, have him join the military, they will take care of him and make him get out of his bad habits.
2007-02-12 13:33:01 · answer #3 · answered by George P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is grown. Put your foot down. If he cant live by your rules, then make him leave. Yea you will feel bad, but in the end it will all be worth it. Grow some balls, or he is going to be 32 still livin with his momma. If you make him leave, he will have no choice but to be a man, because he wont have you to hold his hand and feed him. He will have to learn to be a man and take care of his self. What is more important....Feelin bad? or raising a loser?
2007-02-12 13:51:42 · answer #4 · answered by BE HAPPY! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey it's your house and if he hasn't learned anything from u yet than get him out as soon as possible because if u don't your are going to have more heartaches and trouble than u ever thought possible and once he's out don't let him get to u remember u are the mom and u deserve all the respect u can get in your home and in all places the 2 of are in and when he finally understands that u mean business than just maybe he will grow up and thank you later i know it isn't easy but he is a growen man
2007-02-12 13:35:57 · answer #5 · answered by stop2wade 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how you feel my sister (20) used to be on drugs and is now pregnant and both her and the father can't hold the job. She thought she was an adult just cause she left high school.You need to show your son I know it will hurt for you and your son but he needs to grow up and he needs to take responsibility seriously. you need to show him that being an adult comes responsibility not freedom. He needs to follow your rules. You are going to have to be strong if you aren't he will never grow up. Don't be like my mom and get up at the middle of the night just for him bacause he is in trouble. You can help him but very little. like help him get a jobbut he needs to get off drugs and alcohol.
2007-02-12 14:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by bans224 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time for the "tough love". If you have to, file for custody of the grandchild if possible. He's a big boy now and wants to act like one. He has to learn that life is not a free ride and for every choice there is a consequence.
2007-02-12 13:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns if he is going to live under your roof, follow the rules or get out. He wants to be an adult which he is then act like one.
2007-02-12 13:31:20 · answer #8 · answered by ANAWHO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him 2 weeks to get his act together. If he fails to do that, then tell him he's got to pack up and leave. Tough love, my dear. He's 20. He's not a baby anymore and you, technically, are not responsible for him anymore.
2007-02-12 13:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don´t feel guilty , what for . if he think´s he can live without a job , let him . he´s old enough to know what is right & wrong , stick to what you say , he will soon change is mind
2007-02-13 07:16:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋