How do you deal with a completely selfish bridesmaid?

Question

I'm having a WTF are you serious kinda night!!!?
I am getting married soon and one of my girls is trying to get together my bachelorette party. One of my bridesmaid's (I was a bridesmaid in her wedding) is being such a brat. She say's she will not attend if it is out of town (Orlando- 45 min away) beacuse she doesn't want to pay for a hotel room (if she didn't drink so much she could drive home and a suite split between everyone is $30pp) Her mother-in law's birthday is the Sun. after and she say's she has stuff to do with her (I know from my fiancee that they are going to dinner Sun. night!!!) I am just so frustrated with her and her selfishness. Both my fiancee and I were in her wedding and it was the MOST expensive wedding I have EVER been apart of. She wanted everything to be perfect and as a good friend I made it all happen for her (stripper, weekend in west palm beach- not cheap) I just can't believe that she's not going to attend a party for me over $30 (she can afford it) This is completely a WTF situation!!!!

Answer 1

Sounds to me that she is going to be a brat because this isn't all about her. When she got married, it was all about her and you as a good friend, saw to it that she felt that way. Now that the tables are turned, she is showing you exactly what she is made of and how important it is to her that this time be all about YOU!! Her blaring statement is that she neither has the time nor the desire to fulfill your wedding wishes. This is a difficult time for a friendship to show it's true colors because you are under enough stress. It sounds to me like you are the giver in this friendship and she is the taker. She has set her priorities and you do not seem to be near the top. This is a tough decision for you because depending on how long before you get married, it would be hard to replace her without causing someone else to feel second best.

You do have a few choices here. You could just let things go and do all your celebrating without her... don't let her spoil your good time. Then keep her in the wedding party and continue on as usual. Or you could omit her from the wedding all together and find a replacement or send your maid of honor down the isle with two escorts. Or you could also omit one of the men which I don't think is fair treatment but this is your wedding.

The bottom line is she is making herself the center of attention by throwing her tantrums and this is not about her. I am sorry for your troubles.

I can see a few years down the road when she has a baby, she will expect you to throw her a huge shower. Then when you are having a baby, she won't be around.

Answer 2

Don't play her game. If she doesn't want to be a part of things, just say, OK, and let it go. She's probably already bought a dress so I'd leave her in the bridal party, but don't let her "issues" become your issues. Go have your bachelorette party and have a good time and don't give her a second thought. When she makes excuses, just brightly say, "OK", and move on mentally. Don't bother asking her for the details or give her the chance to expound. As long as she's on time at the wedding, just let the day unfold and have a good time and don't let her dampen your spirits. If she says she's going to bow out--don't be surprised if she does this at the last minute--just brightly say "OK" and reorganize your processional accordingly. Her absence wouldn't appreciably change your wedding day and don't let her moodiness or dramas touch you. Don't give her that satisfaction.

Answer 3

You should sit down and talk to her. Tell her that it appears that the events and costs of her being a bridesmaid appear to be overwhelming, and because you understand you are relieving her of her responsibilities as a bridesmaid. Give her a hug and thank her for what she's done so far.

Then leave. Don't even give her a chance to respond, just smile and go.

Answer 4

Doll, she sounds like a real B. Ask her point-blank if she wants to be in your wedding becuase you don thave time to wait for her to make up her mind. If she says, No, tell her thank you and move on. Find another bridesmaid. She doesn't even sound worthy of an invitation if you ask me. Homegirl sounds completely selfish.

Answer 5

She probably couldn't afford much after her wedding but accepted your bridesmaid position out of obligation because you were hers. I agree with the 1st answerer to talk to her. She really shouldn't have accepted if she wasn't up for(financially and morally) the whole obligation. Good Luck and chins up!

Answer 6

I would politely explain to her how you feel. This is your day and if she does not care enough to take part in it completely, I would ask her to be a guest instead. That may seem harsh, but I feel like if you felt like she was important enough to be in your wedding, she should respect your day and stop causing you stress. Good luck. Honesty is the best policy!

Answer 7

I would sit down with her and say "I would really like to have you involved with my wedding, and it would mean a lot to me if you participated in everything, but if you can't afford it, I understand. I will just have to find someone else that is interested."

Answer 8

i'd say this, speaking as somebody who has 2 sisters. issues do no longer constantly flow easily interior the sisterly relationship, exceedingly interior the previous due little ones early 20's years. The adulthood tiers, even between women who're in trouble-free terms a million 3 hundred and sixty 5 days aside, would be like mild years. I truthfully have long undergone it many, many cases. as quickly as especially between my older sister and that i grew to become into the worst nonetheless. i presumed basically such as you, I had had adequate of her antics (and he or she grew to become into 5 years older) and that i had to easily write her off for sturdy, i grew to become into unwell of it. My husband does no longer enable this nonetheless via fact as quickly as you assert something, its available and cant be taken back. i'd propose a cooling off era the place you dont talk generally, if in any respect, you will the two locate the wear clean. I enjoyed it, I had approximately 6 months the place we didnt talk in any respect, I didnt omit her one bit for the time of that factor and that i found my existence quite drama loose, it grew to become into large. After a mutually as, i desperate to attempt the waters and spot what chatting along with her as quickly as would be like. We eased back right into a relationship very slowly, it took a sturdy 2 years i'd say to come again on incredibly sturdy words with eachother. In that factor, she had met somebody and gotten married and grown up alot. Now we are large close, we talk generally and that i omit her extraordinarily, yet that harm grew to become into, on the time, the final difficulty for the two one individuals. i'd take a lots mandatory holiday from her for a mutually as and spot how she matures in time. Dont say something you would be apologetic approximately later, bear in mind that even nonetheless she could forgive you she would in no way forget it, basically as you will in no way forget her habit for the time of your wedding ceremony. it works the two strategies. sturdy success!