Please..I need help?

Question

I have this friend, i've known her for all of my life, and she says that she can't eat well, sleep well, and always feels "numb"...so, she cuts herself...i really cant take this because she is the sweetest person that i've met, and watching her suffer like that hurts me very much...this is too much....when i told her not to harm herself, she said that she can't help it...it makes her feel better...when she said those words...i broke down and cried...i now need advice...even the littlest helps...we are going through hard times right now...and im afraid that i might lose her...so please....whoever u are out there...i need help...im begging you...please...

Answer 1

Scott.....

You clearly love her a lot. Because you do, you must know that you have to do the best thing for her even if it may not seem that way to her at the moment. Please tell a school guidance counselor or a teacher you trust. Tell her parents or your parents. Tell a priest or someone like that. You need to get her into treatment. She is not just hurting deeply inside and scarring herself for life, she could potentially kill herself. Please do the best thing for her and tell someone. She may not like it right away but will love you for it later. Good luck and God Bless you and her. Please keep us informed of how things turn out.

Answer 2

I've been feeling the same as your friend for sooo long but I haven't actually cut myself or anything. But I think I might have a decent idea of what she's feeling like. Im gonna take a wild guess and say she's going through a depression. When you're in that state, everything seems so pointless, so far from what reality should be that you begin to feel, as you said, "numb". It sucks, it's absolutely horrible. I'm sure she knows logically that what's going on isn't right but when you're in a depression, logic just goes out the window.

You need to spend as much time w/ her as you can and let her know how much she means to you, how much you miss the "old" her. She needs a big, sturdy rock right now. It would be a really good idea, also, if you were able to research the internet some on cutting and depression and things like that. It's almost impossible for someone on the outside to understand what the person that's hurting is really feeling unless they've been through it themselves. But if you at least try to find out more about it, it could probably help you find more meaningful things to say to her.

I'm sorry this is so long but it's something that I'm kind of stuck in myself right now and, God help me, I hope I can get out of it before I'm old and grey. Depression is a very dark, lonely, and scary place. Even though we know so many people have gotten through it, that part's just never going to change.

So please, keep her company. Get her to talk to you more, vent more. Talk about what really matters in life. Make sure she sees the big picture of things. So many horrible things have happened in my life lately and it's definitely made things a whole lot worse than they need to be. But when I just think about what matters the most to me, why I think I'm really here, it helps to stop me from doing anything drastic. Once again, I'm sorry this is so long but I just want you to know that you're not alone and neither is she.

Answer 3

Well what you need to do is get her into a hospital, so they can treat these things, and teach her new coping skills, which would be healthier coping skills, and they would also try to find out why she is not eating or sleeping, and why the cutting. Their are issues there that she needs to address, and in a hospital setting, sometimes that is the best place, casue you meant others that have you same problem, and it is just a safe place to work on those kind of issues. Or you could try to get her into therapy which would also help, they would do the say thing, just slower, cause they would not be seeing her as often as they would if she was in a hospital setting.

Answer 4

Ok. calm down. i have been where your friend is. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety not to long ago. I self harmed by cutting and escaping the mental pain, i would rather experience the physical pain. I tried to commit suicide. I know how your friend is feeling. But I also heavily relied on 1 friend to get me through. And now that i am feeling better -and it is possible- i can see what i put her through and the pain that i must of caused her. I thank her almost every week for her support and for getting me through.

You sound like a genuinly concerned friend. And that is a start. What i would suggest is what my friend did for me. She supported me. She let me put my trust in her ( i had never had that before...never), so once I knew I could trust her, i would seek advice from her, if it got to much she would let me know. If i had told her I was cutting myself, or was stepping over the line. She would let me know that it was about to get out of her hands and she would have to call someone else i.e an ambulance, parents, phychiatrist. As she is not trained to deal with this and neither are you. So dont take on to much you cant handle. Talk to her. Tell her you want her to seek help. Professional help. Offer to go to the doctor with her for support. So if she gets embarrased she has someone to look at for support, or if she feels she can't tell them something you can help her with the answer. This is what my friend did. I then got recommended to a phychiatrist and I got permission for my friend to come along after a few sessions so, my shrink could get there side of my depression/suicide, it was also a help for me as i could see what i was doing to others was hurting them. It gave me inspiration to get the problem fixed.

I was put on medication and regular check ups with my phychiatrist and doctor and now today 12mths later I have been cut free for 3 months and still have ups and downs, but they are more controllable. I also learnt that I can't always rely on my friend. it was to much to ask of her, but she was there and really helped me through. She saved my life. It took some time to get into the right medication and heal a little from my past hurts, but I am there now, and with help and support your friend can too!

Good luck xoxo

Answer 5

Scott, I understand my son use to do this when he was a teenager, very dangerous, he related to me that he to felt numb and that it was the only way he could feel anything. What happened with him is he ended up with this girlfriend as mixed-up as him and one night she broke a glass on her forehead and reversed it on him, they use to argue who had been through the most pain. I don't recommend this unless you were able to get some fake blood and pretend you did the same as she was doing that might get her attention then she too would better understand what you were going through. Strangely enough after his girlfriend did this, he has not self-mutilated and it has been about 3 years now. But that is really how he stopped doing it. I can't suggest you go to those extremes but I do know that you have to keep talking to her, maybe she will tell you what it is that caused her the pain to become in such a numb state, that may open a channel. I had him admitted in the hospital when he was doing all this and it still did not help and he would refuse his medication. I think when his girlfriend started doing the same type of stuff, that is what opened up his eyes. As for me I was patient with him, very paitent, and it was very hard for me in going through all this, but finally his behaviour has changed dramatically, he still has problems and it agravates me, but he has not self-mutilated in years and I think that part of his illness was infact cured by his girlfriend out the same way. Very dangerous and sad stuff, perhaps it might help if you tell her the story of what I went through with my son, sorry to hear you are going through this, continue to let her know how much you love her and be patient. When his girlfriend reversed the roles on him though, I believe that is what broke the ice and we were able to fit in from there. I can't suggest you do this but that is what happened in my case with (son) and the lord was merciful.

Answer 6

Your friend has a mental illness not unlike anorexia. Parts of her world feel out of control, so she focuses on something she CAN control - cutting. Please urge your friend to get counseling - a good counselor can help her find other, less destructive ways of coping with her feelings. In addition, there are medications that can help lessen the feelings of despair and "numbness" and suppress the urge to cut. This is something she has to do for herself, though - you can't "make" her get well if she is not ready to do it. Please don't take it upon yourself to make her getting well somehow "your" problem to solve, because it's not - it's hers. Be a friend when she needs one by doing the things friends do: be supportive, go out, have fun, confide in her, keep her confidences, etc. But above all keep yourself happy, healthy, and whole - you won't be in any condition to help someone else be well if you are not well yourself. If the day comes when you can not keep yourself healthy because you are taking on too much of this person's problems, it may be time to distance yourself for awhile. Don't let guilt or past loyalties keep you from doing this, if you need to, because again: you can't help her if you need help yourself. You just end up making one another "sicker" because you make it too easy to be sick. Getting well is hard work, and sometimes the only thing that can inspire someone to get well is when being sick turns out to be harder work than the getting well is.

You are a good soul to worry for this person so. She is lucky to have you in her life. Take care - my fingers are crossed for both of you.

Answer 7

just listen to her that is one of the most important things you can do, listening to people makes them feel valued and she needs to share her pain in order to recover from it and look at it objectively.
She will need counselling to get over this, get a book on counselling it will teach you to be a good listener and direct her to proffessional, she has been hurt in her life and needs love and care to recover from it. Tell her she is loved by God becuase she is you both are and she can get better. Love heals.

Answer 8

Take her to the ER. She's a cutter and she needs medical attention. She needs to talk to someone, Sweetie, a professional. Don't try to fix this yourself as she needs someone who has training and experience with these kinds of things.
Good luck to you and plz do right by her by taking her to the ER.

Answer 9

Tell your friend to get help immediately. If she's cutting she's in crisis. Call emergency if you have to

Here's a website for more info:

http://www.crazymeds.org/supportCut.htm

Answer 10

i think you need to seriously help youre friend. its hard to explain what to say, just help youre friend and stay strong. i wish you the best of luck NEVER GIVE UP!