i know this is a huge topic but we are both very mature and neither of us want to be married until we are both out of university(2011) and also had time building up money in order to do it properly ((2014) we dont have a sexual relationship as I am recovering from PTSD after a violent ex and I want to save it for maried life. we arent desperate to be married or engaged but we want other people to take us seriously and we both want to be together forever and have the strength to be. I personally have a lot of paranoir even though he is completly trustworthy and even my parents trust us to stay alone together at hoime while they go over to france. I want the way we are to be seen, my mum has even given hints about it she knows we are so good together and that is alot coming from my mother!sorry im not explaining this very well (dislexic sorry (cant even spell that!) he is very supportive and helping me through ptsd and my 4th hip surgery and possible heart problems and i support him 2.
2007-02-12 10:51:23 · 32 answers · asked by kat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
the problem we have is stupidly said no even though i was jumping for joy inside deeply in love is that we are both really worried about our parents view although my mum has actually said since (to my aunty ) she wudnt mind if we got engaged as we have been together for so long and also asked what I would say ( I should have explained and got her view with the oportunity! but "i would have no idea"slipped out instead ) how do i work round this and get her opinion of it what about his parents im scared to say yes even though its my future. i want her opinion so bad but when she brings up possibilities lies roll out!
2007-02-12 11:16:52 · update #1
no you are not too young --- we married at 18 and 20 --- waited until we had a house before having kids and then i went to TAFE and uni --- and we we both virgins when married --- best wishes to you both --- just make sure you make time for each other --- time to fall in love again and again
2007-02-12 10:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you are both very mature but this is not how your question comes across. It is full of inconsistancies and insecurities. The reason you get engaged is personal, not public, not to show anyone else anything. If you are in love and wish to show each other that you are willing to make a commitment to each other for the future, that is the reason to get engaged. A ring does not make a relationship any more real or better. Your friends and family can see how you are together without any formal announcement. I presume that you live outside the UK because you do not need permission to get engaged at 18 here. Therefore I think that parental permission is important to you and perhaps even necessary. If that is the case and you wish to get engaged, for the right reasons, then you will have to stop fluffing about and discuss this with both sets of parents. First and foremost I would give this situation a lot more thought. You sound very immature, frightened, unsure about your reasons for getting engaged and you both have a long time to go before you finish university. You have had problems before in a relationship from which you are not fully recovered. Stop worrying about engagements and commitments. Enjoy the loving relationship you have, take your time, you have no intention of getting married for a long time and are not ready for a sexual relationship so take it one day at a time and confirm your feelings to each other. Other people don't matter.
2007-02-14 08:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by ELIZABETH M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was with my now husband 2 months when we got engaged I had just turned 18, we bought our own flat 3 years later and got married 5 and a half years after getting engaged. A lot of our family had their opinions, they are too young! it won't last! she must be pregnant! All I can say now is we have not got children, we are more in love now than we were last week, we have a beautiful home that is ours and we are still only 24 and 25.
You don't need approval look at it this way if it doesn't work out it's no big deal no one will think any less of either of you, it's not like you are running down the aisle tomorrow. Do what is best for you both, worry about each other not other people.
2007-02-20 02:52:13 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if ya'll feel you are mature enough and love each other enough then you should get married. I do feel like 18 years old is a bit young. you still have all that partying yelling to come out unless you already let it all out, but that would be very young seeing that your only 18. I have a daughter who got married at 18 and she has 2 kids. She has changed drastically for the better. It's like night and day. It could be because of the kids and the fact that she loves her husband very much. They are a very close family and we support them emotionally in any way we can. She is now 22 and has a degree in teaching. I'm so proud of her.
So if you really mean business and you are very mature and ready to take on the role as a wife and a supporter go for it. If you are having any doubts whatsoever you'd better what a few more years cuz it ain't easy girl.
2007-02-12 11:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by fuzzyfish 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just follow your heart. I was 18 when i got engaged. I was so worried about what my mother would think but i just went for it and said "yes" because i knew that was what i really wanted. my mom was fine with it. You seem like a perfect couple. You obviously are very much in love, you are both adults so what have you got to lose? Go for it! When you are actually engaged and have a long, happy engagement, people will definately take you seriously. You can be engaged for as long as you like. Then just get married after you finish university like you said. You are not too young, trust me. Listen to your heart.
2007-02-19 12:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lady_Crimsyn1986 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"we are both really worried about our parents view"
No, your problem is you are too worried of what others feel and think rather than what you feel and think. Therefore, you allow their opinions make the last decision rather than your own.
When you begin to make your own adult decisions, is when you will begin to be ready for that type of commitment.
Stop trying to focus on how to convince everyone how "in love" you are. You are not in high school anymore. People will take you seriously when time passes on and you two are still together thick and thin. People still won't take you seriously and that is when you have to learn to ignore it and move on from it.
"im scared to say yes even though its my future. i want her opinion so bad"
If you wanted it "so bad". You would flat out would ask her what she thinks about it. Then leave it at that. Just because she might oppose doesn't mean that should be your final answer to him. learn to make your own opinion's and follow through with what you feel.
2011 and 2014 are too far ahead to begin to get engage and then have wedding 3 to 7 years. When the time is right, then get engaged.
You also are focusing on yourself. Let yourself heal before allowing another male to enter your life at such a emotional/physical and mental level relationship.
2007-02-12 11:59:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking, it is probably too early to get engaged, but that has nothing to do with your age!
You can also take a deeper commitment without getting engaged yet. A promise ring is a small ring that usually has a small diamond or diamond chips in it that show a promise to be engaged. Women wear it on their ring finger on their left hand and then switch it to their right when they get engaged.
A promise ring is meant to show the world that you are very much in love and you will get married one day. It shows that you are so serious about your love that you will take all the time and do all the preperation necessary to create a loving successful marriage.
2007-02-19 00:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend and i got engaged at 18..we also decided to wait to get married. We wanted to finish some school. Now we are 21 and will be getting married next year. We both will be 22. I'm happy we waited and it allowed us to show that we were committed to each other as well as show others. We were able to finish some school and save up for our future together. I think you are making a great decision in life and asl long as you both support each other there is no harm in waiting. Good luck and dont rush.
2007-02-12 10:59:08 · answer #8 · answered by ALF08 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are not too young to be engaged at 18. The way you have put things you are both thinking in a very mature and sensible way and are obviously serious about the way you feel about each other and the way you want things to work out. It is your decision an I for one applaud you. Good luck for the furture, an engagement is supposed to be a promise to each other and I think you realise this!.
2007-02-12 11:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by mistickle17 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is that 18 was far too young for me to even consider marriage. I was a different person at 25, or even at 22, than I was at 18. I wanted different things, found different things attractive, had different goals, and just had a different life. I'm not saying that two people can't change together, but I can't IMAGINE being married to any of the guys I dated when I was under 25.
But again, that's just me. It's not my place to tell anyone if they are too young or not. I can tell you how it was for me, but in the long run, it's up to you to look at your situation honestly. Good luck to you in whatever you decide. : )
2007-02-12 10:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
what a lovely story, you two sound perfect for each other.
I had ptsd at the end of a long violent relationship too so i know just how you're feeling & it's great that he's supporting you.
Good luck and best wishes for the future.
xxxx
2007-02-12 11:18:45 · answer #11 · answered by becbark 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋