Tell me a good joke, please.?

Answer 1

10 Ways to Annoy Cops

1. Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
2. When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."

3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.

4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.

5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.

6. Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.

7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.

8. When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.

9. Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.

10. When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold my beer for a sec?"

Answer 2

It's Christmas time and three men are at the gates of heaven,one of the men rings the bell and St Micheal comes to answer,he's wearing a paper crown has streamers around his neck,has lipstick kiss on his cheek ,and has a bottle of champaign and a glass in his hands,in the back ground the men can here music and the sound of people having a good time."Merry Christmas"he says"and since it is Christmas I am under strict instructions by the big guy up stairs not to let anyone in unless they show me something to do with Christmas"..so the first guy turns out his pockets and produces some mistletoe."Okay"says St Micheal "in you go"..the second man turns out his pockets and produces some tinsel "Okay"says St Micheal "in you go"..now the third man he looks through his pockets and all he has is a pair of ladies panties,"What have theses got to do with Christmas" says St Micheal.."their Carols" says the man.

Answer 3

Practical Communism

Answer 4

The Psychotherapist
A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having such success in his business that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the signboard for him and put it above his shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the signboard. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began to understand why!
The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split the word in 3 places.
The sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist.

Answer 5

An 83 year old man goes into the doctors office and tells the doctor that he wants his sex drive lowered. The doctor tells the man that he is shocked, "most men your age want to have it raised". "Are you taking Viagra" asked the doctor, "No" says the man. "Any other type of sexual enhancers", once again "no" says the old man. "Do you have a prolonged erection for a great length of time" asks the doc. "No, good gracious no" states the elderly man. "Well, I've got to conclude that this sexual drive is all in your head" says the doctor. "Yes that is exactly what I've been trying to tell you" says the man. "That's the problem, it is all in my head and I want to have it lowered!"

Answer 6

Whats the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to beat the information once into a computer.

Why cant blondes wear earings?
There feet get in the way.

Answer 7

Whats the difference between an oven and a fanny???

A oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out.


Women are like milk cartoons it's not so much whats inside nor how it looks on the outside, it's how to getting thoses fu,c,king flaps open


A woman is like a KFC once you've got passed the nice firm breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy bucket to chuck your bone into.


lolol

Answer 8

Did you hear about the man walking around town with a wellington on his knob?

Somebody called the police but they decided he was just f**king aboot.

Answer 9

did you know you can reuse condoms??

yep its true, just turn them inside out and shake the **** out of them.




how do you know a condom is used??

you throw it at the wall and it sticks!!







why don't guys eat ***** in the morning??

have you ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich.




how does a blonde turn the lights on after sex??

opens the car door




why do blondes like tilted steering wheel??

more head room

Answer 10

what was the only 20 stone man to ride a derby winner?..........
Lester Piggotts cellmate. Bom Bom (crap joke but there you go)