where do i go for help? i need to do something about it before he thinks he can get away with it. he winds me in the stomach making me not breathe this isnt a normaly relationship but i love him.
2007-02-12 10:15:04 · 95 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sweetie, you need to have more respect for yourself than that! You are deserving of love and respect and a gentle, caring guy. :(
Here, go to this website or call their hotline for help:
http://www.ndvh.org/
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
*hugs* I hope you do something now, before it gets worse. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
2007-02-12 10:19:04 · answer #1 · answered by AprilChild 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can love someone and also know that he's not the right person for you.
Here are the things that women tell themselves when they are with an abuser:
1. This isn't the "real" person - he's only like this when he drinks/drugs/whatever. It's the "real" person who I love.
2. He's had a really tough life, and I'm the only one who loves/understands/sticks by him.
3. It's kind of my fault he beats on me. I make him so mad sometimes that he can't help himself.
4. If I leave, I'm afraid he'll hurt himself.
5. No one else will want me.
When it really gets bad, it will be: "I'm afraid to leave because he'll find me and kill me."
Then there's the cycle of violence:
1. Things are great, beautiful for awhile.
2. Then you can tell he's getting on edge; you know a flare-up is coming soon, and you start walking on eggshells waiting for the boom to drop.
3. The boom drops.
4. Then he is so sorry, feels so bad, "I'll never do it again." or "Honey, I love you so much, but you just force me .. make me ... He might even give you gifts at this stage. All is beautiful again.
5. Then the eggshells ....
Call your local domestic violence hotline. Look in the phone book.
Don't screw around about this anymore. You deserve better.
2007-02-12 10:26:15 · answer #2 · answered by Rienzi H 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There are an astonishing number of women who stick by a relationship where they are being brutalised. The reasons are varied. Some will say they love their partner and he's not really bad, deep down. Others will say ' well it's my fault, I give him cause to lose his temper. Others may even suffer the pain so that they can enjoy making up.
The reality is that this kind of relationship can never be acceptable. Any man offering violence to his girl is a coward and bully an not deserving affection or loyalty.
Remove yourself from this man immediately and seek a partner that who will treat you as you deserve. Do not seek to rectify the situation in any way except by leaving him. No good could ever come of such a relationship.
2007-02-12 10:36:19 · answer #3 · answered by Davy Crockett 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do what my Mom did to my Dad, and what I did to one of my boyfriends ...
Wait until he is asleep, get a cast iron skillet (buy one if you don't already have one) from the kitchen, and whack him in the shoulder (right sight if he hits with his right, left if he's a lefty) as hard as you can. Then, get out of there as fast as you can. Go straight to the police dept. and tell them what you've done, why you did it, and then ask them for the number/location of a nearby womens' shelter. Press charges for battery against the jerk.
Okay, maybe the violence isn't the way to go ... but it might make you feel a little better.
However, GET OUT NOW. Go back later with friends and family to collect your things. Get a restraining order. Press charges. Call his Mom, Grandmas, and Aunts and tell them what he has done ... maybe shame will change his ways.
You DO NOT love him. Because he hits you, he has somehow made you feel that you aren't good enough for him, and you stick around so that you can try to make HIM happy. That will NEVER happen. He is a low-life little man, and you can do so much better. Plus, the longer you stay, the more chances he has to eventually kill you.
GET OUT NOW!!!
2007-02-14 10:28:46 · answer #4 · answered by frankiquilts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may love him, but this is not a real relationship. He does not love you. A man who beats up his woman is lacking in something, especially love and respect for himself. If he has no respect for himself, he can't know how to respect anyone else. Do not believe, for one minute, that you can change him by loving him. Honey, been there, done that.
I loved someone who abused me. I was a strong, feisty woman; he very gradually undermined my confidence,; I became pregnant, he continued to hit me while I was pregnant; I went to counselling with him, without him, tried to cope with him; I really believed that if I loved him enough, I could change him.
No way. I took it all, and he left after my baby was born; he had been having an affair, and the new woman knew nothing about me. I have no doubt he ended up treating her the way he treated me.
Leave him. Do it, now. Yes, your heart will be broken. Yes, you will miss him terribly. Yes, you will be tempted to remember only the good parts and make excuses for him. He is a human being just like you and I, with the same responsibilities to the rest of the human race as you and I.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, has the right to hit you.
Be true to yourself first; get him out of your life. If he loves you, he will want to change. But the only person who can change him is himself.
Cut your losses. Get out while you still can.
2007-02-12 10:56:44 · answer #5 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do u something sweetheart I went through this for about six months it drove me crazy. I love my boyfreind to peices also. We used to both take cocaine and one night we had gone to bed I was fast asleep and my fella could'nt sleep he started going through all my drawers in my flat trying to find something that would prove that I had been with someone else. In the end up he found a peice of paper saying snazle nd joci nd joe was eya well he came in to the bedrro and started to beet me up whilst I was asleep I have self harmed and everything because off my fella. We have been toghter now for 3 years and things are alot better because we have stoped talking coke. But anyway the other reson that he wont hit he again is because one time he battered me so much that I ended up in hospital When I came home he was there acting like nothing had happened I was'nt gonna put up with it any more so I got a knife from the kitchen and said to him if he ever touches me again the knife would be through the other side of his ******* head.
2007-02-15 20:36:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lovesherman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to think a lil more with your head and stop thinking with what apparently seems to be a wounded heart...
did you have a two parent family, was there violence in your family, and were you molested as a child...all of those situations oddly enough seem to push a person toward an abusive relationship.
cause you deep down think you deserve it...and you dont...
he won't stop, no matter how many times he promises he wont do it again....chances are he comes from a terrible family situation and knows no better...
my advice...leave him...or show up one day (possibly after he has beaten you again) with a punching bag...tell him, "here is a punching bag, this is what you punch when your frustrated...you got to be smart enough to tell that this bag is not me, and if you hit me again, the police will help you get a better understanding of what the difference is"
2007-02-12 10:22:30 · answer #7 · answered by boosted 1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
just wanted to say that what might feel like love to you may not actually be the love you need.....i mean ..can you honestly say that you can 100 % love this guy if hes beating you up? what the qualities about him you couldnt live without.....how strong he is?? his fiery moods?? unpredictableness?? im sorry but all of these qualities you may love are not the good kind of love.
you also have to think about yourself....you may want this love but do you NEED this kind of love? theres a guy out there thats not going to hurt you emotionally or physically...hell there may even be two or three....
do what feels right for you if you need to talk to someone then family or police is the best idea.
Do what you have to do.
2007-02-12 11:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to get away from someone who you think cares about you. He dosent, and as hard as it is to leave him because you love him imagine how hard it would be to stay with him. To have him beat and make you feel inanimate everyday. Do you really want that. Get help, In some areas there are shelters for women to go who have bin the victums of abuse. Yo could also go to your local police station and get a PFA put out against him. This would require him by law to stay so many feet away from you for a period of time. Good luck
2007-02-12 10:21:10 · answer #9 · answered by B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god, how old are you?
You need to tell anyone! A parent, a close friend, a teacher, ANYONE. You also need to get away from him as fast as you can. Do you love being hit? Do you think that he does this because he loves you and he doesn't know any other way to express himself? WRONG!! This is not love, and this is not what a relationship is about. You are going to wind up in the hospital or worse! This is not a healthy situation, please, talk to someone......NOW......TODAY!!
2007-02-12 10:17:47 · answer #10 · answered by Meadow Soprano 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Love is mutual respect and trust and sacrifice. He does not love you. He loves controlling you.
Go to the police and file a report. Move out. Get away from him. Go to family members, friends. Find a local women's shelter, who will have therapists and counselors trained for this sort of thing.
Do NOT allow him to think that you will allow this to happen. You are better than this. One day you will look back at this and realize that you do not love him. Love should never hurt like he's hurting you.
2007-02-12 10:20:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋