Should i be mad or should he be mad...help?

Question

My husband and i are fighting again...lol..and we were doing so good. The other day i want to know why he wasnt talking much and always grumpy. And why the fun in the bedroom kinda faded away for almost a month. He wouldnt talk to me he wouldnt answer anything i asked...so i just left it and gave him time. last night i bought it up again and all he wants now is sex. which i wouldnt give him. i tried to talk to him again and he wouldnt answer me. today he texted me and said he has alot on his mind and that he is mad at me, but wont say why.ive tried every thing. should i be mad or him? what do i do? i could just leave and i have told him that already.

Answer 1

#1. Ignore stupid answers...
#2. Ever read men are from mars women are from venus??? I was having some problems similar to what you're describing and when I read that book I knew what I was doing wrong. Men do not like to be questioned all the time. Sometimes they just need to retreat to their 'cave' and be alone. The last thing you should be doing is hassling him and asking what's wrong all the time. Men are fixers, they like to find their own solutions, in some cases they do ask for advice but it's usually from a male bud. For men sex is a way to bring them back to a place where they can forget their worries, it makes them feel good, it's like a release. Why would you not give him sex? Surprise him with it some night when he gets home from work, see how he responds to your initiation. The worst thing you can do is say 'fine, then I'm gone', it just shows that you're not willing to work at it with him (or at least that's the message he'll get from it). Sometimes we all get to a point where we feel overwhelmed and lose interest in things and it's not anyone's fault. Be patient with him, get him when he's in a good mood and calmly explain that you'd like to help, leave him the option to come to you. Don't demand answers. Sometimes it's best to just leave it alone and wait for him to come to you, just let him know you want to be there for him.

Answer 2

So do you use sex as a weapon? Why all of the accusations and put downs. Do you have anything sensible to talk to him about. Marriage isn't a game you know. Threatening to pull out anytime you don't get your own ways is emotional blackmail.
You might try asking him how things are going at work. Be supportive and let him know you're on his side even if he is wrong. What kind of interests do you have that you can share with him? Learn to laugh at yourself and each other, and the whole crazy mess this earth. Who are you going to vote for during the election and why? I don't know or care, Just get involved with life so that you are an interesting person with a mind of her own. And give him a little space. No one person can meet all of your needs. Stay in touch with your family. And be realistic--no one agrees on everything all the time. Life would really be boring if they did. Disagreements are healthy, unless you go into attack mode. Just say something like--I never thought about it that way before, I agree/disagree but/and respect your right to have your own opinion. But demand that he respect you and your opinions--marriage is something you have to work at all of the time and is a two way street. When he doesn't feel like talking read a book, watch TV, call a family member or a friend on the phone, bake a cake, etc. But don't stir up trouble unless it's a real crisis. Remember the story about the little boy who was always yelling wolf, wolf.

Answer 3

Well it sounds to me like you just cant give him his space. If he has alot on his mind, just b/c he won't tell you doesn't mean you're the prob. I went through the same thing w/ my bf and I kept harrassing him b/c he wouldn't tell me what's wrong. Bad solution to the problem. Even though I was trying to help, it ended up hurting the situation in the long run. Remember, men are usually bad with feelings, so don't be surprised. But one thing that didn't help your situation was asking why there was no bedroom action and then denying it when he tried to please you. That just makes the situation work. I would be patient and let him work it out and then when he feels comfortable, he will tell you. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

I don't think anger is the right response, as his anger will only feed on yours and vice versa. He definitely needs to learn how to deal with anger, though. His response is most inappropriate. Is he trying to punish you? Mess with your head? Manipulate you? Get you under his thumb? Or does he just not know how to deal with anger?

Tell him that you'd like to talk about what made him angry, as you don't have a clue what it is and therefore can't avoid it in the future. Suggest that if he doesn't want to talk about it to you, maybe he could talk about it to a neutral third party who could help him talk it over with you. (That's a counselor, but he might be skittish about "counseling.")
Also, you're a couple; he ought to be able to talk over what's on his mind with you.

If he doesn't change, I see major troubles ahead for your marriage. I hope you are able to work it out.

Whatever happens, don't let him blame you for it. I mean, if you did something wrong, okay, apologize for it and try to make it right and not do it again. But if he's a manipulator, he will only find something else to hold against you, until he controls you by fear of making him angry. please don't fall for that trap. His silence is probably passive aggression, which is hard to deal with because if you try to deal with it directly, he will just deny it and claim he "has a lot on his mind."

Although I said anger is probably the wrong response, if he continues to be difficult, at some point it is probably the right response.

Answer 5

well lets see, you argued with him when things in bed werent going on and when he tries you deny him, i think neither of you should be mad and i bet hes just as confused. talk to him again and see what you find out

Answer 6

prepare a hot bath for him tonight and give him ance msg with a hot oil ...and while ur doin dat tell him how much u love him and try to let him tell u wats in his mind if it didnt work out try a dfrnt thing tom ..ask us and i'll give you another solution BUT DONT AND I'LL REPEAT IT DONT get mad at him if he didnt tell you ...just be soo nice to him

Answer 7

umm... I don't know all the facts, but, sometimes guys aren't like us girls. They don't blurt out what's bothering them. Give him a little sugar and some space, and tell him "Please come talk to me when you're ready." I bet he'd appreciate that.

I know, it's tough to take the high road sometimes.

Answer 8

You sound annoying. Id be bummed if I married you.