To hypenate or not to hypenate?

Question

I'm getting married and though I already have a long last name, I'm thinking about hypenating and using my maiden name as my middle (i.e. Jane Doe-Smith). My reasons for doing this is simply because I already have children and I don't want to have a completely different last name than they have. His adopting them and changing their last name won't work - their father will never stand for that. Also, I would like to have another child after we are married, I definately don't want the three of us (me, him and the baby) to have a different last name - I don't want to alienate my kids. My fiance totally understands this, though I think secretly he's sad about it - he just wants me to have his last name without the hypenation. If I didn't already have children, it wouldn't even be an issue, I'd simply take his name. So I'm wondering what other brides and brides-to-be have done or are doing? Did you/will you hypenate or simply take your husband's last name?

Thank you for your responses, but I have to tell you, there is a LOT in a name! Your name does change you! It's definately biblical - however in those days and even in more modern times they waited to see what characteristics the child would have before naming it.

Answer 1

I got married 6 years ago and I refused to drop my maden name. I hate my husband's family and therefore didn't want to have his last name. (His parents were absolutely horrible to me). I told him he had two options. Option one, I hypenate my last name to include his or option 2, I don't take his name at all.

I hypenated my last name and I don't regret it one bit. Why should I give up who I am just because I'm marring him? We don't have children yet, but when we do they will have my husband'd last name.

Answer 2

The good thing about kids is that they are human beings and capable of understanding why their name is what it is. If you change your name and they still have your old last name, they will understand that. If you explain it to them, they won't feel alienated... I see no sense in going the rest of your life with a hyphenated name, when all you have to do is tell your kids why it is the way it is. And changing your last name doesn't compromise who YOU are one bit. You are still you...just with a different last name. It doesn't change you.

Answer 3

I understand your concerns, I kept my ex's name when I divorced because of my son. However, when I remarried, I took my new husband's name only. My new husband certainly wasn't interested in my carrying my old husband's name around for the rest of my life, especially since he was such an a**. You won't alienate your kids by changing your name, or having another child with your new last name. Explain to your kids that your name has nothing to do with being their mother, you will always be there for them. I wouldn't want to alienate my new husband by keeping my ex's name! Good Luck

Answer 4

When I got my divorce I changed back to my maiden name. I have 3 kids, 2 from previous marriage & 1 to my partner now. My oldest son lives with his dad. I'm changing my sons name to my maiden name and when my partner and I get married, my son and I will both take his name. If I were you, I would hyphenate your surnames until your kids from your previous marriage are older. Probably when they finish school then I would drop the ex's surname.

Answer 5

identity take my husband's call if I have been to remarry. in case you have been a efficient criminal expert or baby-kisser or author as an occasion that's incredibly helpful to hyphenate for notariaty. I doubt if the youngsters are having as plenty worry with this as you're. basically tell em that's all criminal stuff and doesnt replace who they're. you may hyphenate your call until you get all your banks, identity's and so on replaced, yet for the main section its greater subject than something to have 2 surnames. identity do the candy common element. peace

Answer 6

Instead of hyphenating my name I chose to add a second middle name (i.e., Mary Ann Smith Jones). Just as an aside: if you decide to hyphenate your name, Doe will not be your middle name, it will be part of your last name Doe-Smith. Doe will only be your middle name if you choose not to hyphenate (i.e., Jane Doe Smith)

Answer 7

I personally wouldn't want to hang on to my ex's last name. I think your fiance will probably be more sensitive to you keeping it than your children will be to you dropping it. Have a discussion with your children and ask them if they would mind you changing your name. I doubt they will understand the significance.

Answer 8

Hyphenate.

Answer 9

I am hyphenating my last name.My husband did not want me to drop my maiden name so I agreed to hyphenate it.

Answer 10

go ahead and hypenate if your fiance is ok with it.