On a recent show Oprah Winfrey had a panel of working and stay-at-home moms and said the friction between these 2 groups seems to be the implication that working Moms are made to feel that they love their children less (those that choose to work, not the very few w/ no choice other than daycare).
Oprah concluded both Moms love their children the same, but I actually think that since love is displayed by ACTION, dropping your baby off with strangers every day because Mom feels better as a working woman, versus the ACTION of sacrificing the money, status, comfort, etc of working to care for your baby all day does actually mean that the mother that stays home loves her baby more, is more selfless and shows love through action rather than mere words (and a few rushed minutes in the morning and a few tired hours at the end of the day...)
Is this an off-base opinion?
PS: I left a high-powered career 1 yr ago to stay home with my baby; HARDEST job ever but best decision of my life.
2007-02-12 07:54:54 · 16 answers · asked by Finnale 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow - Primo Mom, this sure hit a nerve with you, but I'll answer your question:
M baby is napping right now which gives me 2+ hours every day to tidy up the house, do whatever I want on the computer, start dinner, etc.
He's exhausted from a morning spent at the playground where he gets my undivided attention while kids from the local daycare just meander around with runny noses, freezing their butts off or getting sunstroke b/c there is nobody to check on whether the clothes they were dropped off in at 7 am are still adequate for 10 am outdoors -- these poor kids always swarm around me and my little guy for some mommy attention while the "teachers" just gossip on the chairs nearby; it is so sad... the working moms have no idea what their kids are doing all day and what kind of people are instilling what kind of values day-in / day-out for their kids.
But you work so you can provide whatever "things" your children want; you should reconsider instead of getting so angry / vulgar
2007-02-12 08:54:49 · update #1
Your child will only be a baby once!
Your child will only be a toddler once!
Do you want to be with them for their first step?
Do you want to be with them for their first word?
Do you want their first word to be MOM?
Is it so bad to take 5 years off of a carer?
To each their own, but I think if you want children you should want to be with them and raise them till they go to school!
There are always situations where a mother has to work but given the option I don't know why they would choose for a daycare to raise them!
2007-02-12 08:04:04 · answer #1 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I personally think that this is an issue that should not even be. We are all moms trying to raise our children the best we can. Some do not have the option of staying home, because someone has to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. I have done both, stayed at home and worked. At neither time did I love my children more or less. It was just a matter of if I wanted them to eat or go hungry. I would rather stay home and spend the day with them, but unfortunately, unless I want to put completely on welfare with no future cash for their college, I have to work. And I am one of the lucky working moms that get off work right when my kids get out of school. So I am able to be there when they get home;
I think all mothers need to unite and quit fighting over who is the more loving mother. We have more pressing issues than that to deal with.
2007-02-12 08:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by Angela K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I am not a mother...I will admit that much. But my mother works her *** off to support me and my brother. So does my dad. They work so hard and appreciate them so much. And those few hours at the end of the day when I get to see her, I love it. We have a blast! My mom and I are very close. And everytime either my brother or I am sick, she stays home. She has also said openly that we come first. As a little side information, my mom used to be a stay-at-home mother, she would work her *** off at home too. She made everything perfect when we got home and I thought that was great! But I have always thought that she should do what she wants to. So, she decided instead of staying at home all the time, she would work to earn us a good living. At one time we used to hop around states and hop around apartments. And then later when my mom thought we were in a stable environment she started to work. And she did what she wanted to do. She hated housework and frankly I am glad she made that choice and didn't stay home. She is doing what she wanted to do and she loves us kids so much. I think you are completely wrong with this opinion. Very wrong.
~queenpan1295
2007-02-12 09:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by queenpan1295 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are totally off base. Most families cannot get by on one income, and not everyone was intended to be a stay-at-home mom. I am not discounting how difficult it is. There are many women out there that are not doing their kids any favors by staying home. They have whiny, clinging kids with no social skills at all. It will be much harder for these kids when they go to school. I was a single mom, I had no choice. Leaving my daughter with a sitter at 6 weeks was horrible. My daughter is just out of college now, and is one of the most well rounded people I know. She has always handled herself in social situations better than most people. In other words, I don't think my staying home with her would have made her better. It may have hurt her in some ways.
2007-02-12 08:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by Bev 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the question isn't about how much love you give to a child, but about selfishness. And for some women, that may be okay, because for some, they are a better mom to their children if they have their own needs fulfilled by a career. I've seen some stay-at-home moms who are absolutely pathetic at raising children.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure you are a wonderful mom and I applaud your decision to stay at home. But I live in an area where I've seen both good and bad stay-at-home moms, and both good and bad working moms.
2007-02-12 08:18:48 · answer #5 · answered by TPhi 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think some moms really don't have the choice. I plan on working when I have a child, but my husband will stay home. I say, if at all possible, one parent should definitely stay home.... depends on who would be best.
I don't think it is right for two parents to work just to have a little more money. Sacrifice is part of parenting. Some parents have to work otherwise there is no food, so that is okay that they are working, but if they are working because there is no playhouse: GET REAL!
2007-02-12 09:20:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends... what if you are a single mother and the only way to pay for your children food, toys, etc is to work yourself. Or what if your husband doesn't bring in enough money to support all 3 or 4 of you? i think it is an off-base opinion. you can't judge someone by whether they send their child to daycare or not without knowing their lifestyle. i would absolutely love to be able to stay home with my kids (when i have them) but unless something changes then my husband doesn't make enough to pay for the essentials for me, him, and a baby. Women who have enough income but just don't want to be around their children and drop them off at daycare for that reason are the ones you should judge, if anyone.
2007-02-12 08:18:53 · answer #7 · answered by akp_02 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it nice that you were able to leave a job and stay home
some don't have that choice
don't put them down they love their child as you love yours
the action you speak of is taking care and loving your child
working to make a better life for them-staying home would be a sacrifice- no food -no clothes- no health care
how dare you say it makes Mom feel better to work-
i know many stay at home Mom's who spend less time with baby then working Mom's
2007-02-12 08:05:01 · answer #8 · answered by zachsgrammy1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well--I'm basically staying home as well--and I think that is the most imporatnt thing to do--some mothers cannot afford to do that--they are single moms or truly cannot afford it--but many can afford it--yes--there would be a bit of a financial squeeze--but most could manage it--I agree and think it is the most important job in the world--yes--we want to be able to have our own careers etc--it is fulfilling--but there is a time and place for everything--and if you pursue your own dreams and neglect your children-well--it will catch up with you--my mother had a full-time career--and I turned out okay--but i always wanted more of her time and I am sure many instances in my life would have gone smoother if I had simply had more time and attention form her--it's about basic math--more time adn involvement from mom--means more issues will be resolved faster and easier--kids won't have to figure it out on their own or get help from strangers who do not know them as well..
So--I don't judge moms who work but yes--and I don't think they love their kids less--but they don't see into the future enough--there is not as much long-term thinking to realize--wow--how will my being with my child NOW--affect him/her 20-30 years down the road--our culture is very NOW oriented so people don't think long term--everyone wants to feel good and perfect now...but once we have kids--we have to be able to put off instant gratification and think about our kids futures--it is a tough decsion--but I am also glad I made that choice and have never regretted it once--My kids will always come first and they will always know that (I do do thing for myself as well--I take time out for me and attend part-time alternative schools etc--I keep myself involved in other activities and have my own life too--I would just never let those things interfere with my role as a mother--because I don't see motherhood as getting in the way of my life--of getting in the way of my personal fulfillment--I see it as a cherished part of my life--a fulfilling role I welcome and embrace fully)
2007-02-12 08:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
some moms have to work to keep food on the table and a roof over thier head. i can understand that but the parents i have spoken to say that there children are with grandparents and wouldn't work if they had to past the child to a stranger. i do agree with you a parent should give up work to look after the children because at the end of the day we decide to have children. i am a stay at home parent and wouldn't have my childern in a strangers home. i love them to much for that.
2007-02-12 08:04:45 · answer #10 · answered by louise b 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
some moms have to work in order to keep their kids fed and a roof over their kids head. does that mean that wealthier moms who are able to stay home with their kids love their kids more? i certainly don't think so.
2007-02-12 08:58:48 · answer #11 · answered by sarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋