Have you ever been in a bed relationship and found it hard to leave?

Question

I've been with my man for almost 3 years now, and it just seems to be getting worse and worse. First he accused me of cheating, read my diary, stole my cell phone, broke into my email account, and told my friends off. Then the next year he started pushing me around and being very controlling. This year he twisted my wrist, twisted my arm behind my back, pushed me, and chased me down the street. Now when I try to leave him he doesn't take me seriously and always talks me out of it. He is so manipulative and I feel trapped. I told him several times it is over but we always end up talking and the next day life is as ususal. I want to leave, but I don't want to start another fight for fear of what may happen to me. I just want to tell him I am leaving and that's it, but it never works out that way. Any suggestions on how to get outta here?

For the record, I don't love him anymore, I don't want to have sex with him anymore, and I can't even sleep next to him. I have been living out of our guest room just to avoid him.

Answer 1

Spend the next few days making a list and getting everything you want to take with you ready. Legal papers, titles, receipts, pictures, etc. Remember, things like computers, tv, stereo, are just objects that can be replaced. Then make plans to meet him at a local coffee shop on his way home. But before you leave to meet him, have everything on your list loaded up, or already out. Have a witness waiting in the car while you go in and tell him it's over.
A guy that treats you like that will not let you just move out. I would plan way ahead, and if necessary, have a restraining order served to him at work the very next day.

Answer 2

It happens to all of us. I've been in a relationship that I hated but stuck around for whatever reason. I think it may have been the fear of being alone driving this insanity. The first 3 months without her after we actually broke up and went our separate way was hell to say the least. We'd constantly call each other and meet on occasion but to what end? Anyway after 3 months I realized how stupid it was for me to hold on for so long and these days if I get a slight sign of abuse, I'm out without question. It still hurts when you like someone and have to come to the realization they're not for you but you get over it pretty quickly.

I highly recommend you just let it go and believe nothing he says. Every time you think he’s going to change, think of all the negative he brings in your life and move on.

Good luck!

Answer 3

So, first and foremost, you need to get out. I know it's hard but at least you don't want to stay and think everything's alright. Do you have any money?? A place to go where he is not going to find you - TRANSPORTATION!! Where do u live? I can promise you one thing, if you stay it will only get worse. If you leave I can't promise things will be great or easy but at least you are taking steps in the right direction. Have you ever called the police on him? The place where u live... is it both of yours or in one or the others name? I'm really sorry that you are going through this and have had to endour the abuse. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 4

I recently got out of a 6yr relationship that was similar to yours. The big difference is that we have children together. The only thing I can really tell you is that when you leave to just stick with your decision and don't go back. You are staying due to the fact that this is what you know. That is the wrong reason to stay. Just pack your bags and go. You don't even have to say anything to him. I wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk you can email me.

Answer 5

Girl you need to get out with what ever you can carry with you. Do not tell him you are leaving as that just gives him the opportunity to talk you out of it. If you need someplace to go call the Police and ask if there is a women's shelter in your area. They will put you up in a safe house and help you get up on your feet but you must be prepared to close all ties with this man what ever you leave behind will be gone. This may sound sever but from what you have said if you do not handle this right you may end up dead. I was in a similar situation and got out after he broke my shoulder from body slamming me to the floor. You can not fix him he will not change its a way of life that only they can change once they admit they are abusive. They play on your emotions and making you dependent on them but you be free if you are committed to getting that way. There are people who will help. You can even keep your friends outta the loop until you get settled. Good luck with it all.

Answer 6

Go to your local police station and speak with someone. Explain the situation and let them know that you are afraid for your life. You could have a police escort to be with you while you collect your things or he is asked to vacate. Either way you need some type of mediator there to make sure nothing happens. Do this as soon as possible before worse comes to worse. It won't be easy but at least you'll live to see another day.

Answer 7

Sweetheart...if anyone understands your situation more than anything its me. I use to be in a 3 year relationship out of convenience. The day I left him my life from that point on change in every aspect you could imagine. There is a sense of self empowerment when you love yourself so much to just say enough is enough. You have to find it within yourself to let it go and move forward in your life. Once you do you will realize how much better off you are. No woman should stay in a messed up relationship like that. Do what you have to do and get up and go!!

Answer 8

it took me 10 years to realize that I do not have to live every moment of my life, unhappy and miserable. I left when, it just came to me. I knew for a while, I was unhappy, but it took me until a friends wedding to realize that I could and should leave. You know in your heart that you need to leave, you just need to find the strenght to be able to do it. i had two kids and i didn't want my children to grow up thinking that this is the way life should be. I wanted better for them and me. It was rough, and I was scared, but I am a better mother, wife(new hubby) and woman than I ever was during that relationship. It truly is worth the fear and uncertainty of leaving. Just pull yourself up and walk on, walk out and walk proud, and do not look back.

Answer 9

So why wait pack your bags while hes at at work and just leave, i hate to see any kind of abuse when it comes to a woman, get a restraining order if you think hes gonna be violent, just leave he doesnt deserve you and your better off without him, there are plenty of good men out there, who would love a chance, Good luck and leave like now if you can,

Answer 10

Pack you stuff and move out! It is that simple! You should have done this a long time ago.

You are the one who is facilitating his control over you. You are the only one who can break the cycle. Do not perpetuate his attitude and your suffering any longer!