My MIL comes over and needs her 30 year old nephew and girlfriend to drive her to our house because she doesn't drive on highways. She always makes plans to come over around dinnertime and never asks me if I need anything or even discusses if it would be okay to come around dinner time. I wound up cooking and serving everyone. I hardly got to eat myself as well as my husband and had to sit on the floor of my dining room (we just moved in and only have a kitchen table) while everyone ate like there was no tomorrow. Afterwards I cleaned up and my mil's nephew starts grabbing more food (chips, cookies) without asking like this is his own house!
I am beyond p!ssed off and need to tell people our house rules. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. My husband says that they come over so infrequently that he's not going to say something. I disagree...but how do you tell someone how to behave?
2007-02-12 07:18:39 · 20 answers · asked by qtpie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Let me just add...that if they come over and I don't cook...they want take out and my husband winds up paying...
2007-02-12 07:23:20 · update #1
Another detail...they always call around 3 or 4 and then come over when my husband comes home from work which is close to dinnertime. If they know we're eating then...then they should either eat before or at least bring something.
I didn't leave food out...he WENT INTO MY CABINETS!! How frustrating is that???
2007-02-12 07:27:32 · update #2
You and your husband both need to stand up to them. They are not only taking advantage of you, they are disrespecting you as well. Once or twice, or a hundred times, there is no need for this type of behavior. You have the right to be comfortable in your own home.
Next time they come over, do not cook for them. Tell them the rules and after an hour, thank them for coming over and let them know they need to head out because you have things to do.
Keep the doors locked and close the curtains if you see them coming. Also encourage them to call before showing up. If they don't, just do not answer the door.
2007-02-12 07:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone in their thirties should have a little more tact and better behavior, especially at someone else's home. I'd guess manners was never implemented when he grew up. No worry this is your home and you can do as you please and bad manners should never be acceptable behavior or tolerated.
When your MIL requests to stop by just tell her that anytime after dinner is okay (if you want her to). If they just show up you can go either way. You can cook (and just tolerate them) , you can just say we just ate (or not hungry) or tell your husband make the meal for his family. The odd time shouldn't be a big deal if your expecting them and are willing to make the meal, the other times I'd just ignore their expectations (sounds like users/ abusers)
If at any point the nephew decides to help himself, just say something like..... I'm sure your mother taught you some manners and to always ask before helping yourself in others people' s homes. Say tactful things but get your point across. It could go either way but don't be afraid to set some rules after all it is your home. If your husband disagrees with it then tell him you'll be visiting elsewhere when they come to visit. He should be supportive and shouldn't allow them to use your place to fill their bellies and do whatever they want. If they want to act rude they can do that at a local restaurant and see what kind of service they get.
2007-02-12 15:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by trojan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your husband's family, so you really must make an effort to handle this the best way possible. You are only setting yourself up for trouble if you start fussing to your husband about his mom and his cousin. Don't put that strain on your marriage. Since they don't come over all that often, how about calling the MIL and telling her that every second Tuesday of the month is a good time to come and that you'll be glad to fix dinner for them then (or whatever day you decide). That way you'll be hospitable on YOUR terms and not theirs. I'm sure your husband will appreciate your effort to work things out. Husbands and their moms can be a tricky thing, and wise is the woman who can manage both. Good luck.
2007-02-12 15:39:34 · answer #3 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you are kind of rigid.
If you wanted a dinner hour for you and hubby alone, without drop in relatives then what did you think you were doing marrying into this family.
This wasn't a habit that developed overnight. This is a family who feel welcome enough in eachother's homes to drop in at mealtime and expect to be welcome.
You should re think your stand. You married the family not just the man, and if you think you can do anything to stop the drop in from happening, at mealtime or not, you are facing an uphill battle.
If I were you I would stock up on the groceries, learn how to cook for a crowd and enjoy the time with your family.
Or, try calling your mother in law up on a Saturday and inviting her for dinner on Tuesday. This will give her something to look forward to and she won't come before then.
On Tuesday, after dinner, when she and her drivers are on the way out your front door, give her a hug, tell her how much spending time with her means to you and ask her to come back the following Tuesday. She will look forward to it all week and maybe you will be able to control the situation.
Do you really want to control a situation that brings family who love you into your life every day?
Be careful what you wish for.
2007-02-12 15:27:18 · answer #4 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately....this is a situation where you gonna have to piss some people off and put your foot down. That is your house. Your rules. They won't be happy with you. They probably won't talk to you for a while after that. But you have to let them know who's house it is. I bet you $50 if you did that at there place. They would go CRAZY.. Don't take it. Family is one thing. But taking advantage of you is another. But I know it's easier said then done. Or you can take them on Jerry Springer and beat there A$$3$ legally!! :)
2007-02-12 15:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar incident happen when we were newlyweds and it ticked me off as well, but like your husband, mine also said to let it ride. It wasn't long before we were able to host a dinner party for his family and I was able to sweetly set the ground rules of our home while everyone was seated around the table. My in-laws still adore me, so I must have done a good job! My advice to you is just to wait for an opportune moment, when you're NOT upset, and tell them how you feel.
I wish you well!
2007-02-12 15:24:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband thinks it isn't a problem, then inform him that from now on, when they show up, HE is to do all the cooking, and cleaning up afterwards. (As well as sitting on the dining room floor instead of in a chair.) Maybe after a few times, he'll change his mind about saying something.
2007-02-12 15:23:07 · answer #7 · answered by Jess H 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
how often does this happen? once a year? every couple of months? weekly? well in any case it is rude of them and i would suggest that you tell your mil to let you know in advanced when she is going to come over so that you can cook enough for a nice dinner for all. if it is not often that this happens i would not ask her to bring anything but if it is a weekly thing then let them know you love having them and can they please bring the rolls and dessert. the dessert ought to top off the meal so noone will be scrounging thru your cupboards. and knowing in advanced that they will be there you can have enough food to fill them up and leave your cupboards alone. good luck
2007-02-12 15:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to step up to the plate and deal with his family. It is unfair for him to expect you to deal with this impostion in your own home, no matter how infrequent it is. Maybe you could plan a family dinner once a month and then your husband could let them know that if they want to visit at other times they need to call and see if it's convenient first.
2007-02-12 15:23:20 · answer #9 · answered by sczingal 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
1. MIL. I would appreciate if you call before coming over.
2. Nephew: Do you normally take things without asking because in this house you don't.
Being assertive will not make you popular. It will make you respected. Choose.
2007-02-12 15:22:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋