im giving up, do i stay keep trying or just let him go?

Question

hi everyone, ok me and my b/f have been togther for 2 and a half years, he currently has no job and hasnt had one for about 4 months now, we are both 19...it drives me crazy that i work full time and he does nothing all day, i feel like i have to hold his hand so he will get a job. he is thinking about becoming a police officer so at least now i have him going somwere...we fight everyday...and im tired of it, i love him so much i do want to marry him but im getting to the point were im tired of working on things and tired of trying, i know relationships take work but it's a lot of work latly...everytime i mention a guy he has stupied comments to make about how i like them or somthing...im tired of it i have given him no reason not to trust me, he is insecure jelouse and has no drive..i love him though for many reasons but im trying to keep it short...the good and the bad dont outwieght eachother anymore.

let me say some good qualites,


he is funny
great with kids
active
i still miss him when he is gone
good listener
caring
understand me
watches any movie i want to watch...

Answer 1

Try and focus on why you love him, why you've been together so long, focus on the positive things about him, it might seem like it never happened, about the job; support him, reassure him that you will have his back with whatever he chooses, maybe things will straighten themselves out. Together, watch The Secret, some people uploaded it on youtube.com, it teaches about the law of attraction and how to resolve problems, practically everything you said has to do with the law of attraction, it is a long video, but it is worth it, it teaches and enlightens you on how you can change your surroundings and such.

Answer 2

He is feeling insecure about not having a job and he feels less than a man. Encourage him to get into police school or find a job that he will enjoy, if he doesn't enjoy anything right now it could be because the money he gets on unemployment is more that he will make at a new job. If this isn't the case he needs to make a decision to go back to school and do something he really wants to do. If all else fails you have to tell him to do something because its driving you nuts and if he can't get his act together even though you love him to death you will have to end the relationship. Either way if you love him then he will be happy you stuck with him through this so maybe you should get into couselling. Take care Heather

Answer 3

As with any relationship you and your boyfriend need to have open communication. First find out why he hasn't tried to at least find part time work while researching what he whats to do as a career (security officer, police officer, fire fighter). Local colleges actually have advisers who would talk with him, tell him what it to do to begin working toward any type of career. Sometimes your local library has civil service notices and/or job fairs. He needs to get a move on. You also need to discuss his lack of trust and how it bothers you that he makes disparaging comments when you mention another male, who is an acquaintance, co-worker, or just some guy you met that day who was interesting. Insecurity at 19 does not just go away, it usually deepens as a person gets older (and less attractive into their 30s, 40s, etc) so you need to look deeper into this. Seek a good counsellor who will help your boyfriend with his distrust issues and his lack of initiative and with you on your issues. You are probably feeling extra impatient and tired because you are feeling a lot of the stress being put on your shoulders since he isn't employed, etc. You could look into free/reduced counselling at your local health department (mental health counselling - marriage/relationship counselling falls under that). Your local parish/church also usually offers counselling. It sounds like you need a day to relax, take a hot bath and drink a relaxing cup of tea and think of nothing and no one. Good luck to you both and God Bless.

Answer 4

I was in such a similar situation. I was 19, 20. 21, 22....he would get a low-paying job, get fired..then not work for months on end. no amount of fighting, screaming, crying, not fighting, ignoring it, being nice, threats or anything else made a difference.

You NEED to leave. He has shown you his true colors- actions speak louder than words. would he still be with you if you didn't have a job?

Are you paying all the bills? then why should he get a job? you take care of it.. he doesn't suffer any consequences. And even if he did get a job one day, you will always know that he was able to just sit around and let you work your *** off...unable to empathize with you, able to let you feel unsupported...he is not a good boyfriend. he may be a nice guy and have talents, but he is NOT a good boyfriend.
When I finally left the guy who was doing the same thing, all of a sudden my bank account grew....bc I wasn't spending all my money on him anymore!

Answer 5

I hate to tell you what I feel when I read your details because you don't sound like you can do it. He is becoming a mooch. It doesn't matter to me why his ego is down. His excuses just aren't good enough and what if we ALL just sat around talking about we MIGHT BECOME?? Nothing, right?

Of course you love him and if you let him go on mooching or gold-bricking while you pay the bills and listen to him and sleep with him, he is never going to have the guts to get up and support himself. You need to move out or move him out. Tell him when he has a good job, or better yet, a police career started, then you will consider living with him again.

You can't go by what you hear. That's where we women go wrong and get weak. We are suckers for listening to big plans or ANY plans.You have to go by what you see. And you don't SEE him paying his way!!

I sure wouldn't make the mistake of letting this boyfriend ever becoming a husband, Honey. The truth hurts. But I think you know it already. You just need someone with you because you are afraid of missing him or losing him. He's not all that much to lose!! And you know that. Sorry. You're not his mother nor do you ever want to be!! That is the path to Marriage Hell. @8-) Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Ha...This is like my brother and his girlfriends situation but she doesn't care if he works or not. Makes me wonder, I'd be in your same shoes if I were her. Anyways you have to figure out what you want out of a man. I'm not saying he's going to be a bum all his life but you have to figure out if your willing to wait until 2020 when he decides that he likes money and wants to work and finally gets his own job. You can't change a man, you can try and hold his hand to get the job but only he can put forth the actual effort and get the job. If your willing to wait maybe something just might happen. Then again something may not. Are you willing to wait for nothing or for something to happen? No one can really answer that for you. I wouldn't wait because what if your waiting for nothing? There's tooo many fish out in the sea to wait and wait and wait when your already out there doing and doing and doing. Good luck !!!

Answer 7

Look my momma always told me when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired than youll have your answer but really if your that sick of him you need to let him go because another will come just as quick and this will be something you look back on later in life and laugh because ..... you made some mistakes .... when you let him go if you choose to stay single for a while because then youll be able to find out who you are and what you can take and what you cant so youll set your standards higher next time you get yourself in a relationship ...... OKAY...... so please use my advise it will really help you in the long run .... Belive me because ive been there and now im in a good relationship right now.

Answer 8

Is this really the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? Is this the guy who will make an awesome dad for your kids? It doesn't sound like it to me. Move on - find a mature man who will take care of you and care enough about your relationship to work on it WITH you. Something is really wrong if you fight so much. A squabble now and then is normal, but come on Sweetie - you dn't need this.

Answer 9

With intercourse, that is quite plenty something is going except this is (a) unlawful, despite meaning and (b) starts hurting somebody. extremely some men savour women persons's undies. it is so ordinary as that. this is frequently simply by fact they're appealing, comfortable, worn via you and subsequently some thing very intimate that they'd "posses" for a couple of minutes throughout foreplay. i do no longer prefer to get into the whole pheromone (ferro-moan) element right here however the organic odour that pulls us to a minimum of one yet another - no longer physique odour - many times provides women and men persons, extremely some exhilaration. So have somewhat exciting with it, except you're completely freaked out wherein case; you will desire to draw the line. all people has a line they won't go while it is composed of intercourse and this is crucial to be genuine to your self with out being too uptight and perilous the relationship.

Answer 10

It seems like you already know what to do with him. All you have to do is find the strength to do it. We've all been through a broke a'ss man who doesn't want to do anything or at least even try. I feel ya' girl, but do what you gotta do to keep some sanity. No man is worth an argument every night and it's good that you realize that there is a problem. Love or no love, if he isn't helping then he is hindering and who needs that in their lives??? All women have that inner strength to deal with things that seem beyond our control, but we do them....do you know where yours is? If not, it's time for some serious soul searching....cuz you got it. Good luck with that, tho...I hope you find that strength soon...no better time than the present...