A 17 year old member of your household gets his girlfriend pregnant for the 2nd time, they are insisting that you take them in. Neither has a steady job and has run away numerous times, they insist on having and keeping their baby although they've had one previous abortion, do they have the right to impose themselves on you?
2007-02-12 06:28:20 · 27 answers · asked by Amy V 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
At first I was going to take the hard line approach because I absolutely agree with the folks who are saying "your house, your rules." But what makes this a gray area is that fact that a little innocent life is involved here.
They are obviously irresponsible young kids...but you may be in a position to help make this better for the baby who didn't ask to be born or to be put in this situation.
You have a lot of control here if they want to live in your house. If it was me I would take them in under several very tough conditions. First, I would insist that I be made legal guardian of the child so that you are able to legally have some say in this kid's future. So 17 year old member of household signs over his rights--any lawyer can draw up the papers, I believe. Doesn't mean he cant stick around to parent the kid--in fact i would encourage it. But with a track record like he has in combination with his age I don't hold out much hope.
Secondly you have to deal with said girlfriend. Where is her mom? Obviously she has nowhere to go. She's housing this little innocent creature, so do what you have to do to be sure she is safe and taking care of herself.
Ultimately, the best thing is that this little one gets put up for adoption. That's the happy ending for all involved. You can help to make that happen. It might take a lot of effort to get her on board, but if you can provide some kind of love and stabilitly for her while this is going on, she might trust you enough to take advice from you.
After baby is born (if they give the child up for adoption) you have no future obligation (morally) in my opinion. However, if they choose to keep the baby it's up to you how much involvement you have. Again, you might be the one stable force in this kid's life, and you have to decide if that's something that matters to you.
This is a really difficult question and a tough situation. Again, it's not about these irresponsible children--this question is about the unborn child.
Good luck with your decision.
2007-02-12 08:25:17 · answer #1 · answered by Pamela P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody had the right to impose on you, or "insist" that you take them in. I wouldn't even consider helping someone who was taking on this attitude. However, I would consider helping someone in that situation if they did come to me humbly with a better attitude.
If that were the case, I would first have a long talk and find out what their plans are, schooling, job, housing, how long they were planning on staying with you, etc. If they don't seem to have any plans for much of this, send them off to come up with some before you take them in or agree to help them. The first thing they need to do is to learn to consider the consequences of their actions and make plans and set goals for themselves. Of course, their plans may be unrealistic and will undoubtedly change over the time they are with you, but they at least need to be thinking about the future.
Next, if I am going to help someone out like this, there are going to be provisions, I don't care if they are 10 years old, 17 and "almost and adult", or 50 years old. I would draw up a contract for them to sign. It may include that they must both find and maintain full time jobs. It may include that they agree to take parenting classes. It may include that they agree to perform chores around the house to contribute to the household. I would also have them pay at least a small amount of rent to you every month, even if you don't need it. You could put the money away for them to use as moving-in fees when they do finally move out of your house. They need to get used to budgeting and planning for bills every month, etc. The consequences of them breaking the various portions of the contract should also be clear so there are no surprises.
Good luck to you, I hope this works out well
2007-02-12 14:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by tatertotsmommie2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can insist all he wants, but it's ultimately your decision... and no, they don't have any right to do it. However, rather than thinking about how irresponsible and arrogant this member of the household is being, consider the poor child that's caught in the middle of this situation and could no doubt use the intervention of a more caring and responsible adult in his/her life.
I would say sit them down for a long, hard talk before agreeing to anything. If this insistence is born out of fear and desperation, then they should be more than grateful to you for any help you'll provide. I'd say tell them to find jobs immediately, and if they do, then they can stay with you and pay rent, just like in the real world. Otherwise, they can not stay with you because you won't be saddled with providing for the 2 of them PLUS their child -- they're both more than capable of working and in fact, NEED to work if they're going to provide for this child.
Good luck.
2007-02-12 14:41:33 · answer #3 · answered by Tina K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. The parents are in charge of the house NOT the children. That teenager needs to be told he is the child. He also needs to be reminded that staying in the house is a privelige and he should treat it as such. This means if he wants to stay he must abide by the rules. Then, hand him a copy of the rules all nicely printed on a piece of paper. Make a clause that says "can and will be amended at any time at the discretion of the parent and/or parents".
I'd print another sheet of consequences for 1st offense and 2nd offense. I'd make the third offense the "three strikes and your out" as in you must vacate the premises.
If he wants to keep this child he better start acting like a father and a grown up for that matter. He needs to stop imposing himself on his parents. He needs to be humble when asking for help - he is asking for help. He needs to find a job and keep it. And, find stable housing.
Otherwise, the child will eventually end up in the foster care system.
2007-02-12 14:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are "insisting" that you take them in? I don't THINK so!!! It IS still YOUR house, isn't it? And neither of these youngsters are contributing to any of the bills, are they? NO, they don't have the "right" to impose themselves on you. They have the right to keep their baby, but just not in your house. Underage, non-bill-paying members of any household have no "rights" until they decide to move out and get a job.
2007-02-12 14:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer is HELL NO!! I'm 20 years old and i'm about to have my first child. No matter what people say, everybody can make something out of themselves no matter where they come from or what hey have been through. Tough Love is whats need in this situation. Let them know you will be there to help out but that they need to start taking responsibilty now because that baby is who its about. Talk the guy about the military. he might think its a crazy idea but they will have a house, benefits, and be on his way to a career to help support his family. The military is not a bad choice if you know what its really about instead of what you see on t.v. It won't hurt to research it.
2007-02-14 17:55:32 · answer #6 · answered by $Bl@Ck BuTtAfLy$ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like they have some issues, they did not learn their lesson the first time? The way i see it, its your house they have no right to impose on you unless you let them. If they felt grown enough to bring a child into this world they should be grown enough to get a job get they're own place to raise their child. You say they have run away before well tell them to go back to where they ran away to obviously they have other places to stay if the can run away. In any case you're the boss here put your foot down and let them know whats up. And dont let them make you feel guilty for your decision.
2007-02-12 15:23:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mrspaul 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like this decision is entirely up to the head of the household. They obviously aren't very responsible kids..but the decision to try and raise the child shows responsibility. If you feel as if they can actually succeed with this task, then sheltering them for now while they get things situated would seem viable to me. Once again, the decision would be based entirely up to you..since you know them best.
2007-02-12 15:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way! Its your house so you're the boss. You have no legal obligation to support your family member and his soon to be dependents. Once he got that girl pregnant everything is now on him. If they were to split up he would be responsible for paying child support, even as a minor.
Growing up my dad always told me that if I got pregnant as a teenager and the father didn't have any decent job prospects, I was out of the house immediately!
2007-02-12 15:01:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
House owner gets to say who stays there or not.
It would be nice to think that you would want to take them in but life isn't always ideal and if the girl is a complete nightmare and you can't be going through having a new born in the house again then fair play to you.
Time for them to get a job me thinks.
Best of luck.
2007-02-12 14:37:40 · answer #10 · answered by Icarus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋