What do you think? funny? Yes its long!!! No grief guys.?

Question

Telemarketers suck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of these assclowns for good...


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Answer 1

ROFLMFAO. Girl your a legend. You have me in stitches all the time. Please keep them coming. You have put me in the best mood of all times. cheers...

Answer 2

Brilliant! I love 4, 14 and 20. My dad has an effective one - he asks them their name and the purpose of their call, then goes on to ask them how long they have known the person residing at this address, have they ever made contact with them before and would they be prepared to come into the the police station to give a statement? He then explains that he is Detective Chief Superintendent X and that a murder investigation is being carried out at that moment in the house. They never call back!

Answer 3

My usual responses;

Windows - Oh wow! I've been waiting for your call, do you do those, like, rainbow tinted windows with windscreen wipers that open with a remote control and have automatic insect repellent dispensers. No? Oh, well that's what I'm after, byeee!

Loans - Yeh, like, when I killed my wife/husband last month, I had no idea what the solicitors would cost, how much can you lend me?

Mortgages - What's a mortgage? ...... Can I have one of those for a caravan (trailer)

Insurance - start singing your favourite shower song! Or even better, hold a rag over your mouth screaming 'help, help me - they're in the house'

Anything else - Mum! Hi, I've not heard from you in ages, Martha called and she was telling m,e about the girls colds and then about the dog down the road - did you know our Peter got a dog...... etc etc.


Great fun....

Answer 4

I love these - and I love marketing calls.

I once had a Double glazing salesman on the phone for 15 minutes telling me all about the great deal on replacement windows he could do my - I was very keen 'Oh that sounds great' etc. etc.

Finally, whan I'd had enough I told him I lived in a basement apartment with no windows but I'd be sure to pass the info on to my landlord!!!

Oh the silence!! The confusion!!! The annoyance - and he has to stay polite!!!!

I love 'em.

Answer 5

I live in London and we get many such calls. I usually just ask them to hang on the line for a few minutes whilst I speak to a caller at the front door. Almost always they hang up but in future I will try out some of your suggestions. Thanks.

Answer 6

Thank God I'm not a Telemarketer.

Answer 7

yo where do i start, i was so depressed today but now i'm laughing like a lion. ill print these n put them around the phone. these *** clowns dont know when to quit.
heres one
hello i'm john doe from blaf blue. is fck at home?.
how do u know fck, he died yesterday n this is a crime scene. proceed to act like ur a detective, try to take his information. no fck just died n u seem to know him well, nobody else does. describe a gruesome mutilated body. make it real disgusting.

Answer 8

i work in telecommunications and if we have to call people up we too play daft games at the customers expense, i like the bleep machine though if i'm at home and call customer services try interupting a heated billing debate by holding the number keys down briefly rather than swearing. its annoying as hell.

Answer 9

That is a good list, will try them out especially number 4.

Answer 10

LOL I HAVE A CALLER ID it is so great i know them be for

and i use to TM and it sucked but i like people that did funny stuff made my day go by

Answer 11

i let them blab on for a while then tell them the house doesnt belong to me i can hear the phone being banged down but willtry these 10/10