I'm in the same class with a guy that I love more than anything in the world. We hooked up when I met him 1,5 years ago,we had sex,and then he dumped me,he told me he had a girlfriend. Then we became good friends,partied together,had lots of fun. Now, 1,5 years after,I still madly love him. I see him every day,he is being very sweet and nice to me.The problem is,he is a player.He has so many girls,I dont even get jealous anymore cuz I know they dont mean anything to him. I know he thinks I am a nice person and he cares a lot about me. He doesn't make any moves on me cuz he knows he hurt me so much 1st time and I expect something serious which he is not ready to give...I just can't get him out of my mind. I can't eat, I can't sleep because of him...I am dying here.What should I do??I have tried to date others,not speak to him,ignore him,nothing helps. It's sooo hard being in this situation!!please help,i'm on verge of committing suicide...
2007-02-12 05:06:36 · 20 answers · asked by sandra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, don't try to take your own life over a guy. I did that 3 years ago & it was the biggest mistake I ever made. It's totally not worth it to put all of the people who actually care about you through such a horribly stressful & painful ordeal. You will regret attempting suicide. Not only that, but you probably won't even succeed. The majority of females who attempt suicide are simply doing it as a cry for help & not as an actual suicide attempt. It's a proven study. So save yourself the heartache of having to deal with the aftermath of having everyone treat you like a piece of glass for the rest of your natural life. It's really not worth it.
Secondly, you cannot make someone love you, to answer your question. If he's a player, then he's probably happy being one & won't ever want an actual relationship with anyone, at least not until he gets older & more mature. But don't hold your breath on that one. Some people never grow up.
Also...many people want what they can't have. It's part of human nature. Perfect example: Adam & Eve. Eve HAD to have the forbidden fruit even though there was TONS of other perfectly good fruit lying around. But she chose THAT piece of fruit because someone told her that she COULDN'T have it.
So part of the reason you are probably so infatuated with this guy is because you know you can't have him & because he is desired by many other women. Did you ever think of that? Well, now you can. Maybe you just THINK you're "in love" with him because he is appearing before you as this perfectly amazing guy who everyone wants & who YOU can't have. Players tend to give off that vibe...you know, that whole Casanova thing...because they have so many women who worship the ground they walk on. Don't buy into it. Chances are, he's probably not as great as everyone makes him out to be.
Basically, you need to cut off contact with this guy. It's the only way. You say you've already tried it before, but I highly doubt you tried with all of your might, because you're still talking to him & seeing him everyday. If you REALLY & truely want to get over this guy (which you probably don't, but it's obviously what's best for you), then you have to COMMITT to the part. Take his number out of your phone, delete his screen name from your buddy list, don't see him, don't call him, don't IM him, don't do "drive-bys" (you know what I'm talking about...don't stake out his house or job), just completely cut him out of your life. It will be hard at first to not think about him, but I PROMISE you that with time, you will eventually start thinking about him less & less if you have not spoken to or seen him in a while. Cutting people off DOES work when you're trying to get over them. Trust me. Just try it.
2007-02-12 05:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get some serious counseling and help for the suicidal thoughts deal with that first. Then get over the guy for your own sake. He's a player and he's not changing for you or for anyone. You've been hurt once what makes you think he wouldn't hurt you a second time. Move on girl if you can move on. Your dream guy is probably right around the corner and could be some one you'd least expect. Try it. Please tho get some help for the suicidal thoughts. It's not worth dying over some random guy you know you'd be better off without.
2007-02-12 05:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by dave_83501 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, talk to a professional (psychologist, counselor) about those suicidal thoughts first and foremost. This could be a psych/chemical problem.
With that out of the way, you need to take a deep breath, relax your nerves, and spend some time with yourself. Even the nicest guy in the world isn't worth losing your mind over. Get to know who you are, and what you want out of life.
When that's done, then try VERY casually dating, but do NOT date this guy. Not now, anyway. And when I say very casually date, I mean date not expecting a relationship, not expecting sex, not even expecting him to pay for you. Just go out and have some good clean fun. Figure out the kind of guy that makes you feel better about yourself.
But seriously. Talk to somebody about those suicidal thoughts, first and foremost.
2007-02-12 05:23:22 · answer #3 · answered by Ree 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A lot of women will tell you that you can't make someone love you, but those women are quitters.
Keep calling him: 15-20 times a day. Email pictures of yourself in varying states of undress. cc his girlfriend if he has one.
Chain yourself to his car, then paint your name on his hood so that he can read it while he's driving.
Tap dance naked in front of his window at night. Throw rocks at the window to get his attention. When he comes to the window and asks if you threw something, deny it, but don't stop dancing.
Cover yourself in peanut butter and have dogs lick it off while he watches. Tell him that even though he's a dog, you don't really mind.
Tattoo his name on your forehead. tell him he doesn't have a choice anymore.
Join him in the shower. But keep your clothes on. tell him you didn't want to appear 'easy'. Also, don't tell him how you got it.
Buy him an expensive watch. Then return it without telling him you bought it.
Walk 5 feet behind him as much as possible. When he turns around and asks, explain that it's an amazing coincidence.
If you can keep all of this up for at least 6 months, he'll be forced to love you.
2007-02-12 05:16:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
FIrst off...to answer your first question: NO YOU CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU. Then since it is so clear he is a player and he is into his feelings more than yours....love yourself. Once you have that self love you will come to realize that you deserve to be loved like to are giving love and you won't allow him to mess over you. There is no easy way to stop your feelings but coming to realize that simply....you deserve more than yoou are getting. So just thank about that. Another thing....there is no man, or person @ all that is that important that you should even think about taking your own life. You are special enough to find someone else that you will have those feelings about and will give you love in return. Hope this helps.
2007-02-12 05:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by femmefatale_2804 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cannot make anyone love you. If you have suicidal thoughts you should talk to a councellor about this. No one is worth ending your life over.... because the man of your dreams may be just around the corner. You said yourself this one is a player, he will always be a player. Wait for the right one who you won't have to make love you... they will do that all on their own. Tomorrow will be a better day :-)
2007-02-12 05:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's possible for you to make him act like he loves you...until he tires of you. I'm sorry, but your use of the word "suicide" over a piece of trash like that makes me wonder what your motives are.
You gave yourself freely to a guy without a commitment and now you're trying to make him commit to you after the fact. Put yourself in his shoes and tell me what you'd do? Does this even sound right to you? How can your life be about someone who used you and threw you away?
I'm sorry but your question about him brings up more questions about you.
2007-02-12 05:09:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to get in a situtation where you aren't seeing him as much. If he is a player, then he is probably always going to be a player, and you shouldn't waste your time with him. You will meet a guy someday who will love you, and only you, and then you will be grateful that this player guy didn't love you. Just try to concentrate on that, and it really isn't worth committing suicide, I mean I know what heartbreak feels like, but eventually you will get over him, and be grateful that you didn't committ suicide. Just try to look at the future, and you will meet a guy who is sweet and loves only you.
2007-02-12 05:12:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well i think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel and see if he'll want you back then if not you'll have to move on and find someone new remember that there is someone better than someone good luck !!!
2007-02-12 05:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by jasmine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a man and I have the same problem with women. I think that its going to get worse and worse if you don't tell him you like him. if he likes you back than you won't have to worry about it but even if he doesn't like you at least you can stop stop worring about him after 15 years
2007-02-12 05:18:49 · answer #10 · answered by Trey O 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋