Spanking, discipline, and control?

Question

I am not a parent myself but coming from the last generation to get spanked. As an observation a couple gernerations down from me are millions of kids who do not obey their parents and get everything they want. I see tantrums in Wal-Mart, I have watched my peers attack eachother in schools, I have even been present at school when one pulled a gun. My girlfriend babysits for the child of some rich parents that never discipline their child and she always aims for what she wants, which causes problems since my girlfriend won't put up with it.

Anyway, to the point. Now no one is allowed to spank their kids and Dr. Spock sais it will destroy their fragile personalities... Dr. Spocks son committed suicide. Their is no form of logical discipline and touching your kid in public will get them taken away.

Personally I think that this generation is out of control. I'm not saying we should rule them since "Autocracy breeds rebellion".

But what should we do in an age where we have no control? Our kids have no moral conscience and can't discern right from wrong. It seems that most are even intentionally seeking negative lifestyles without regard to consequence...

In regards to my comment about Dr. Spock, that was to be taken from the fact that he is supposed to be a leading authority and the behavior of children and dealing with that.

Another personal detail on the question is that since I'm no on the outside looking in on the situation and being around kids of many ages, I believe that those who had strict parents that frowned upon and spanked for the really bad were less likely to engage in bad or damaging behavior. My wealthier more spoiled friends were more inclined to talk about suicide and engage in self-destructive behaviors than say my friends among the lower class with strict parents who strongly frowned upon such behaviors.

I stand corrected, enough on Dr. Spock, neither of his children commited suicide but his grandson Peter did jump off the roof a mental hospital, the common misconception.

Answer 1

OK, I wasn't going to comment on this, however after I read about how great the anti spanker's kids were turning out (ya supporting a nation ran by terrorists is turning out great, NOT!) Ya and spanked children are "stupider", sure these are some of the biggest idiots on the planet, lol.
http://www.usatoday.com/money/companies/management/2006-10-08-spanking-ceos-usat_x.htm

I have 3 wonderfully behaved daughters, sure they make mistakes, and misbehave. That's where we as parents make corrections. I believe very much so in consequences for misbehavior. That includes spanking. I agree completely with Mrs. Wizard, Thank goodness younger parents seem to be going back to old fashion consequences.

I consider myself to be somewhere in the middle when it comes to politics. However, the FAR LEFT, has NO BUSINESS in child rearing.
Just my opinion.

Answer 2

All those situations you mentioned do not warrant a spanking. If a child has a tantrum - take him to the car - take him home. Spanking during a tantrum would do more harm than good... because when they are throwing a tantrum, they really don't hear anything you are saying anyway.

Kids attacking others in school.... - those kids are old enough to have things taken away from them - things that make their little lives miserable so that they WANT to behave to get back their ipods, phones, nice clothes, etc.

I think this generation has learned more and has more information available than our previous generation and that's why we should spank less often than before. The problem comes from not DISCIPLINING children... and discipline does not have to mean spanking.

Too many parents are too busy, too active, to effectively discipline and there lies the problem. It's not even about spanking or not spanking. I know TOO many parents who put kids on restriction for a MONTH for something silly, so the kid forgets about the reasoning and never learns anything... or tells the kid they can't use the phone, but they can still play outside, play video games, or do something else.... so the kid basically gets away with whatever.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that spanking should be illegal or anything, I just think that there are other things we can do as parents besides spank.... and like Mommyof4, I most certainly would give my son a spank if he ran out in traffic too!

Answer 3

I spank my child when he is deserving. Never read Dr. Spock's book, but have heard many others have. However, not all wrong-doing's of children warrant spankings (The punishment should fit the wrong-doing). And sometimes the best punishment is love. When I find my son and niece arguing/fighting with each other, I make them stand in the living room and hug each other for about 3 - 5 minutes.

But, no matter what discipline tactics one uses, the parent or authoritative figure must let the child(ren) know
1. What they did was wrong
2. Why they are being punished (whatever punishment that is decided upon, not just spanking).
3. The wrong doing is not acceptable behaviour.
4. Even though the parent or authoritative figure (grandparents, aunts, uncles...etc...) does not approve of the wrongdoing, they still love the child.
5. I always end with a hug.

I do know that for my discipline actions/style, I have one of the best behaved children I know. He is respectful of others and honest.

Answer 4

I am a parent of 6 beautiful children, and it may be I have been blessed with good children, but I will (and they all know it) spank their behind when it calls for corporal punishment, like setting the house on fire. Not all unruly behavior requires a spanking. Some things can be told to the child not to do, and when explained properly, the child will not do it again. Sometimes taking the favorite toy away will work wonders, sometimes a time-out, somtimes grounding, though in all my years of rearing children the best discipline is giving the child respect and love. Most children behave in a manner unbecoming because they lack the attention and love they so richly deserve. When they feel unwanted, lonely, and hurt because a parent is "just too busy" the child will act out. When the parent fails to respect their child and expects them to perform duties beyond their ability, like having a five year old do their own laundry, the pressure this causes on the child is tremendous and can be detremental on their psyche, basically, they feel as a failure and live by the hurt and pain, which in the parents eyes are misbehavior. For MOST unruliness a child excerts it is ultimitely the parents fault it came about. I know there is not a manual for raising children and all parents will make mistakes, this is human. I as well made many mistakes with my first child that were caught and corrected. We live and grow and learn each day, and with parents the only advice I can give is pay close attention, let the child know many times a day they are loved, give lots of hugs and kisses and ALWAYS give compliments when the child does behave in a civilzed manner, remembers their manners and does their chores without a fight. Losing ones temper and allowing oneself to hurt a child out of anger just tells the child that it is OK to do such things to other, especially to those smaller than them.

I agree that their must be some form of discipline, but ALL discipline must be performed with love and never anger.

The friend you have who babysits a child that is wanting to get their way is obviously spoiled, but the worst part is that the child is severely lonely and lost, because it seems to me the parents are more interested in buying the childs love than to love their child. This child needs to know that she is loved. Your friend needs to find a way to become the childs friend through respect and love to the child, not what she can give her.

Remember the greatest treasures in the world cannot be seen or held, but they surely can be felt in ones heart.

Answer 5

These days most parents consider themselves to be too busy to handle all the daily tasks set before them. That eventually leads to parents who would rather give the child what they want thereby avoiding the whole tantrum.

When children disobey there should be a consequence. Personally, my two kids respond differently to different types of punishment. My oldest never needed to be spanked because she hated standing in the corner. My youngest doesn't respond to anything other than a spanking. So I think it really depends on the child but, I agree that most children these days are out of control. On the plus side more and more younger parents are starting to realize the value of good old fashioned discipline.

Answer 6

It is a misconception that we CANT spank our children. While anyone standing next to you at WalMart can call Child Services if you smack their butt in public, it takes a LOT more evidence of abuse to have your child removed.

I believe spanking should be a last resort. A child should respect its parents enough to mind without threat of physical violence...but I spank my 6 year old the same way whether we are playing or really disciplining... so I know the tears arent pain, but shame.

It should never be about ruling your kids through fear. AND I agree, more than one spanking and things can get out of control... and never hit in anger. Teach self-control above all else.

Answer 7

I can't say what we should do since it seems when I open my mouth about spanking achild i get ridiculed. But coming from a family of spankers I will spank. there was an abusive person in my life not my mother or father who hurt us. I know the differnce I will never abuse my child but when it deserves a spanking because it will not listen and nothing else works I will give it a spanking. I feel that people expect the government to raise there children now a days and that will not be the case in my household.

Answer 8

I don't know this for sure but I suspect that you will find the same thing of children who are spanked but not disciplined. I think the real problem in this question is that we have parents that are too tired, too worn out, too centered on themselves to see to it that their children are disciplined. As any parent knows you have to have an arsenal of defenses against your child's reactions to not getting what they want. And in case you didn't know children can wear you down so fast that really you find yourself saying yes b/c you really just want them to be quiet. It is so hard. If you start early and always mean no when you say it then you will have less of a problem but that requires thoughtfulness on the parents part and a lot of fore planning. So wait, do I think time out works? Sure in the right situation with the right child but I also believe in spanking and letting the crime fit the punishment and of being receptive to what my kids are feeling. If they are tired then grumpiness is understood but still not tolerated.

Answer 9

I got spanked when I was growing up. I believe the problem with the children now is that they have no discipline, therefore have no control, as shown in the many tantrums we observe throughout our busy days. Unfortunately, in the end, its the parents who seem to have lost control--of their children. I am a firm believer of giving spankings. However, I do think that some people CAN take this out of context and go over the line from a spanking, to child abuse. And nowadays, it is too easy for any child to yell "abuse" and have the parents punished for it. There is a flaw in our system, and it seems like any time they try to make it work better, it only makes it worse. Anywho, I say spank those naughty children!!!

Answer 10

Its true about the kids nowadays. They have gotten to a point that its sad to think about. Many times I have heard a teen say that everything around them is making them stress out to the max. And that we have no idea what a teen goes through everyday. Well things might be stressful for them butt, its how we have let things progress around us.

The thing that I believe is crazy is how you discipline your child is governed by laws, from people that we have elected to office , make these laws.

Growing up I saw many children recieve a spanking. From what I can recall, those spanked as a child turned ourt pretty good. There are a few that I remember , who never were disciplined, becoming people who commited several acts of violence. I say spank them when needed, just dont cripple them.