I went to my parents house friday night and stayed the night, intending to go up to their cabin with them all weekend & snowmobile. But, it didnt happen because I developed stomach problems and the ride is 2 1/2 hours. So I came home saturday morning and my boyfriend was already at work and he left his aim and yahoo messenger up. And this girl popped up on aim and it let me see the whole conversation. He called her sexy, said she had a nice *** & flirted a little. I told her who I really was and she told me that about a month ago he asked her to have sex. I confronted him later and he said he never asked that and the flirting was his way of complimenting her. Then yesterday I snooped through his old phone & two days after we started dating (going on 6 months) he was talking to an ex saying how he wanted her & her great bjs. I didnt confront him with this cuz it was so long ago. Does anyone have any advice/opinions or experience with this. He also said he would work on this&he loves
2007-02-12 04:40:40 · 14 answers · asked by michakitty87 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like he is a player to me. Can you trust him after this? If yes, forgive and move on. But if you cant, its over. dump him.
2007-02-12 04:44:26 · answer #1 · answered by cici 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not worry at all about the ex-girlfriend he contacted 6 months ago two days after you started dating as he could have genuinely been torn about whether or not to get back together with her, even if he was really attracted to you, as new relationships are scary and many people gravitate back to dyfunctional relationships because if if they don't work, there is a "comfort zone" of knowing to some degree what to expect, even if it is bad.
There is the possibly he may have just been that and he was just "testing the waters" to keep his "game" up and many guys feel they can talk as sexy and dirty as they want to any strange woman they come across on the internet with because they don't consider it cheating because they never intend to follow through with actually meeting the woman in real life.
Was he angry about you spending the weekend with your family? Was he invited or not (maybe was but had to work?). If so it could be he was hurt or his ego bruised and the IMs were in his mind just harmless boost of his self-esteem.
However, as now it is 6 months down the road and you are both in a committed relationship, you have already caught him "flirting" with one girl on the internet on a weekend you are suppossed to be away, this could be a huge red warning flag.
He now knows it bothers you, it is not "harmless" and is recommitting himself to you and you should have enough of a feel for the situation as to whether or not you think this is the case, or are there other red flags along the way that you overlooked in the past .
Have you met his friends and family? If so, what is his relationship with them? If you haven't met them, why not? Does he have a past reputation for being a player?
Is he overly obsessed with what you do, where you go and who you go with in general (if so it is not that he is so in love with you he cannot stand to be away from you; he just thinks that you are like he is and thinks you are out cheating on him).
Trust your instincts, but if you feel the need to snoop or spy all the time you are better off ending it as you will not like the person it will turn you into in the long run to deal and live with always being on edge and even if he isn't cheating drive him to it because he thinks if he is going to be accused of it anyway, he might as well do it.
2007-02-12 05:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those [women] weren't "black" women of which you are talking about. I will tell you who those women were--human trash. "Black" women love an educated man who speaks proper English. It looks like you can't phrase a proper English question yourself. Maybe you are not one to talk? Instead of: "Cultures and groups: Why do black women call any black man who speaks proper english lame or gay?" You should have asked, "Culturally-speaking, why does it seem like some African-American women label some African-American men in particular, who don't speak the proper English language, as offensive words such as 'gay' or 'lame'?" That, my friend, would have seemed to be a more innocent, inquisitive question, if you stated from experience that you seen some African-American women call some African-American men these names instead of stating generalizations. You rightly earned some insults since you didn't put more thought and consideration in a topic in a race-sensitive section. That's on you.
2016-05-24 01:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship takes 2 people working for the same goal. It appears you two have different goals. He has needs that are not met somehow and has never communicated these needs to you. Meanwhile you are lost in love with him. He chose to live 2 sexual lives; one with you and one with other women fulfilling his fantasies or past experiences.
The future of your relationship vastly depends on how willing both of you are to change to meet the other's needs. You need his open communication and faithfulness, he needs sexual fulfillment. For example, you should ask what made the ex's bjs so great and try to improve your technique. It is a long road to travel but if you both want to continue then you must work together to overcome these bombs.
IF he does not want to work on change then dump him fast and save yourself from more pain. It will always be hard to trust him from now on since he has such history. One tip: give each other your passwords to your IM and email accounts and delete any "iffy" contacts. No flirting should be going on with other women or men.
2007-02-12 04:55:42 · answer #4 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
UGH, Boys will be Boys. This is not right though from your perspective and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. The good news is that it's still fairly early in the relationship and you didn't waste 2 years of your life on this boy who can't seem to stay committed to you.
What you'll have to find out is if he's just flirting because it makes him feel more manly or if his intentions are to hook up with these women? Or does it really matter at this point?
I know that if I found this information, I would be out the door. I don't tollerate that kind of nonsense. I'm worth more than that, and I don't like sharing my man with anyone else. I also know there is someone else out there that will want to be with me and only me so why sell myself short by staying with someone who can't seem to be faithful in mind and body?
2007-02-12 04:52:42 · answer #5 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so he said he would work on this just because you confronted him? what if you didn't know anything, would this have continued...?? I think it would have. This guy seems to have a problem. You don't compliment someone by flirting, and why was he talking to this girl anyways?? He asked her for sex a month ago, (knowing your relationship started 6 months ago), he tried to cheat. I don't think he's trustworthy, and I think that he will continue doing this. How will you continue to trust him after all this?? I don't think you can. You know what to do..
2007-02-12 04:46:58 · answer #6 · answered by B2B2008 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your boyfriend. There are some serious trust issues you both need to work out for your relationship to progress. It sounds kind of strange to have to snoop around his belongings to try and piece together your own version of the truth. Having said that, it doesn't sound like he's giving you the whole truth.
2007-02-12 04:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by mcpouches 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds immature and unready to commit to a monogomous relationship. I would find someone who will treat you better becuase a real man doesnt cheat on his significatn other. And if he really loved you he would feel the ned to flirt with other people or hook up with exes. you could do much better
2007-02-12 04:47:13 · answer #8 · answered by Courtney C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he is very mature or ready for a real relationship. Since you have only been dating for six months I would cut your losses and find someone else. Someone who will treat you like a queen....not just something he has for the moment. Good luck.
2007-02-12 04:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by babyj248 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a fool for staying with this man. Is that plain enough English for you ?
2007-02-12 04:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋