What do you do when you ask a friend to be a bridesmaid and they turn you down?? I haven't known her THAT long of a time but I felt that we were getting pretty good friends and basically she is my only friend out here in L.A. other than my fiances family and cousins.. I only have my fiances sister and 2 friends from my home state that may or may not be able to make it. So I could end up with only 2 bridesmaids while my fiance has like 5 groomsmen.. I feel like such a loser!! What can I say to her to get her to possibly reconsider without pushing her into something she totally doesn't want to do ??
She said - "I meant to say that probably i wont have enough time to be a bridesmaid but I will still be there in your wedding, and other things if you need me before the wedding."
2007-02-12 04:33:37 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To clarify - I am not expecting alot of my bridesmaids at all - no hosting showers or parties - and I would even pay for their dresses (and air fare for my 2 friends from home town). I would basically only need her presence for my bachlerette party (which is basically just a sleepover that I would mostly be paying for b/c I don't have anyone else to do it for me!) and rehearsal and wedding day.. I wouldn't need a whole lot from her.. should I clarify that somehow polietly in case she thinks I am expecting her to run around town with me every weekend for the next 4 months searching for dyeable shoes and favors and cakes? Because I don't expect that at all.. It would be nice to have my mom or my best friend from home to do that with but since I dont i either go alone or with my fiance or his family.
2007-02-12 04:35:51 · update #1
I would never ask my fiance to cut out some of his groomsmen !!
2007-02-12 05:24:34 · update #2
You should be glad that she told you now, rather than 6 weeks before the wedding, like mine did. And the other one that simply stopped returning my calls.
So, you'll have uneven sides. Really, it's no big deal. We ended up with uneven sides and no one really noticed. The easiest solution is to send the men down the aisle before the groom and to send the women down the aisle before the bride. This way they won't be 'matched' or 'paired' and it won't seem as awkward.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-12 04:47:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well don't force her into it. You wouldn't want a bridesmaid that didn't want to be there or be a part of it. She could have her own reasons for not doing it, not comfortable in a dress, doesn't want to stand in front of people, who knows. I think too many people feel obligated to say yes when asked. I am in an upcoming wedding and I have doubts about being in the wedding party and though the wedding is 8 months away I know there is NO WAY I could tell the bride now that I am not comfortable being a bridesmaid. Ask your fiance to cut back on his groomsmen, maybe making some of them ushers or giving them other jobs. There is no law that says you have to have a certain number of people in your wedding party. The most important part of that day is that you guys will be married at the end of it!!! Good luck!
2007-02-12 07:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that was difficult to hear, but I have to commend her for her honesty. Maybe the money is the reason, but I think that, if you go back to her after she already said "no", you could end up making the situation even worse, and if money is the reason, she could end up feeling pretty embarassed since she gave a different excuse. When my best friend got married, I was the only bridesmaid, and her husband had a bunch of groomsmen. To balance it out, only she, her husband, his best man, and I stood at the alter. The other groomsmen sat in the front row, behind the groom, next to the family. Try letting her know that you would like for her to be a special part of your wedding in whatever capacity works, because she is your closest friend in LA, and then ask her if maybe she would help with your bachelorette party.
Don't feel like a loser - she obviously respects you enough to not take on a responsibility she can't fulfill, no matter what the reason. Good luck, and congratulations!
2007-02-12 04:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by emtesla 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you are stressing out for little reason. It may seem like she's being mean, but some girls are just not into it. It is worse to have someone there who really couldn't care less that you are making this leap of faith and getting married. Some people feel too much pressure to be in a wedding and it is expensive when you add up all of the gifts and nights out, etc... Just have some of your fiance's groomsmen become ushers so you don't have to look uneven
- it's really a blessing. You don't have time to be unhappy- you're planning a weeding, lady. Live in the moment because it will be over in a blink.
Then the real stress starts!!
HA HA!!! sorry. Just kidding.
2007-02-12 05:44:43 · answer #4 · answered by Snarf 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the truth is that for whatever reason that you don't really know, she turned you down. It's probably got a lot more to do with her than it does you, so don't take it personally. You could tell her one last time how great you think it would be, and that you only have x, y, z expectations of her, and could help her out with expenses if she's worried about time committment or cost. Let her know the offer still stands if she's interested, and then leave it at that. Chances are that her 'excuse' was exactly that, and if you argue away rationally at all her 'excuses' she will be left with no polite way to turn you down, and then you will be faced with a resentful bridesmaid, or a budding friendship gone sour. What's more important to you, that you have a third body as a bridesmaid, or that you have a decent friend their in your new town?
2007-02-12 04:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had 3 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen, if you don't want to tell him to cut out people then deal with two people. You can't have someone change their mind, maybe she just doesn't want to be, There are a lot of reasons. Respect her decision and move on. It is okay. Sidenote you shouldn't be paying for everything, I paid for the hotel room the night before the wedding, the girls bought their own dresses and you as a bride shouldn't be forced to unless you want to and have the money for that.
2007-02-12 06:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people are not into the whole 'bridesmaids' idea. It takes a lot of time and money. When my best friend asked me, the only reason I did it was because she is jsut that, my BEST friend. If not, I would have said no.
Maybe she does not feel as close to you as you feel to her. Or maybe she just doesn't want that responsibility.
You can always ask your fiance to have only 2 grooms to match with yours.
Don't continue to egg her on about it. She has said no already and at least she did ti politely.
Don't feel bad, but not everyone is dying to be in a bridal party. I myself am only having my sister, niece, and cousin. 3. that's it.
2007-02-12 05:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't feel like a loser............she may be embarassed about money. perhaps she can not afford it at all? take her out for dinner somewhere quiet where the two of you can talk, and ask her what the problem is. assure her that you wouldn't dream of making her pay for her gown or whatever.
it may be she doesn't know what is expected and how to do what is expected. you need to have a frank discussion with her and assure her that she won't be overwhelmed with duties.
and it may be that she has been burned in the past by a friend who all of a sudden turned into bridezilla and was far too demanding.
the last time my husband and i were in a wedding party it ended up costing us close to a thousand dollars. gown, shoes, hair dresser, makeup, for me. suit and gear for him. then the cost of the wedding gift, and factor in babysitting........it was awful.
just talk to her and i am sure you will sort it out in no time.
congratulations and have a great marriage.
2007-02-15 18:07:59 · answer #8 · answered by tess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't try to convince her to change her mind. For whatever reason she does not want to be a BM and at least she was up front and told you. It could be monetary reasons or the fact you aren't great, super close friends. Different numbers of attendants is not a problem either. Happens alot. Make this friend your personal attendant and let her help that way. You keep looking and you will find the right people to be in your wedding and if not, use the girls you already have.
2007-02-13 12:20:45 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does NOT have to be in your wedding to attend your bachlorette party! If she doesnt want to do it then dont ask again or push it. I had a good friend say no too because they felt like they would be uncomfortable being in front of all my friends and family. So just get over it. They can still attend everything, they just wont be up at the alter with you, thats all.
2007-02-12 05:19:50 · answer #10 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋