I am a 23 y/o female who comes from an extreamly religious family. My parents never allowed me to wear pants or make-up, or associate with people who were not with our church. They did not want me to go to college because they believed it would cause me to focus on "earthly things" I finally persuaded them that I could serve God with a degree in Nursing, and they reluctently allowed me to leave home. Our church does not condone "dating," and in my house it is strictly forbidden, (we aren't alowed to kiss or hold hands with opposite sex until marriage sex is completely forbidden .) Recently I have fell in love with a very great man but because he's not of our church, i know my parents will never apporove of our relationship. He is becomeing frustrated with my distant ways, and would like to do "more" than just talk, I fear I may lose the love of my life if I dont give into his pressures to finally let go of my virginity. What can I do? This is really painful
2007-02-12 04:32:41 · 63 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off- If this man REALLY, TRUELY loves you, he will respect you and your values, NEVER let any man pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. I agree with the no Sex until marriage thing. That really is the best way. If you find someone who loves and respects you, they will respect the choice you have made to remain a virgin.
Second- you need to figure out who YOU are and what YOU believe. Leave your parents out of this. You are an adult now. You can no longer keep going on their faith, you need to rely on your own faith. Don't do anything drastic. Just make it a matter of prayer and study and deep reflection. Here is a question to ask yourself- are your parents overly strict about your religion, or is that typical of most members of your faith. I am sure that you have friends that are of the same faith who are very committed to it. Talk to them, see how their parents handeled these situations. Your parents, maybe taking things a little to far. I say that because, I belong to a religion with high moral standards. I have seen some parents who are crazy fanatical about everything and don't let their children associate with ppl not of their faith. I have also seen ppl who have pretty lax rules- and everyscenario in between. Most are like the home I grew up in. We follow the teachings of the church, but we are allowed to go to school and associate with non-members. They were strict about us staying within the teachings of the church and dressing modestly, but we had a life and dated. We hung out with friends of all faiths. If your parents are on the fanatical end of the spectrum, you may be able to find a happy medium that works for you. But you need to do this for YOU. Decide what you want out of life. You are an adult now and can do what ever you want. Your parents can't control your life.
If you believe that this religion is the right path for you, you need to know that you have done that for the right reasons. I don't believe that GOD wants any of us to believe grudgingnly. I believe that He wants us all to decide for ourselves. He gave us agency- the right to choose for ourselves. Sure he wants us to follow him, but he wants us to do that because it is what we know is right and what we want to do. You really need to come to this understanding yourself.
Don't do anything with your boyfirend until you have figured it out. He may leave, he may wait. If he loves you, he will respect you and your search for what you want in your life. You don't want to do something that you may regret later in life. If you decide to wait to have sex until you figure all of this out, then you will have fewer regrets. Once you have lost your virginity, you can NEVER get it back, and temptation is harder to resist.
It is time for you to become a woman. Your question makes you sound like a confused little girl. You are making decsions based on what other people want, that is what children do. Adults mae decisions based on what they want out of life and based on what they feel is right. Any men you date will also see you as a little girl and they will treat you that way. You want a man who will treat you like a Woman and an equal. But in order to get there, you have to see your self as a WOMAN and you have to present that attitude. As long as you are a little girl, that is how you will be treated. You become a Woman by deciding what direction YOU want your life to go, by saying and doing things because that is what you believe, not what your parents believe.
I think that this is the wrong time for you to take this step. Figure out what you wnat out of life, then go from there. I really would not even get married until you have all of this sorted out.
Take some time, pray about this, ponder on it. You will make the right decision in the end, if you stop worrying about what your parents will think.
Good Luck.
2007-02-12 05:14:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
U have to do what is right for u.. This is a feeling u cant loose. The way u are talking sounds like u really love this man.. U are an adult now. Its your decision on how u want to live now. I understand the religion and everything, but god isnt going to hate u cause the way u feel..
good luck and god bless u
2007-02-12 04:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by blue eyes 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you think this person is someone who you will marry in the future, or would your parents' beliefs make this an impossibility? You are 23 years old and have been saving yourself for marriage, so I'd say don't give in now. Stay a virgin until you are married. If this guy is pressuring you that much then he really doesn't care.
2007-02-12 04:37:01 · answer #3 · answered by true blue 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If he is truly the love of your life, he will patiently wait to take your virginity as a wife's gift to her husband AFTER marriage. There's LOTS to do besides intercourse, and kissing and holding hands is just the tip of the foreplay iceberg.
Your marriage is YOUR decision, not that of your parents. If he is your true love, and you guys plan on getting married, set a date, buy a dress, and between now and when you walk down the aisle, make out a TON!
Good luck.
2007-02-12 04:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by Marvelissa 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
hey, you only get one chance in life... why not have fun. do it for yourself, and hopefully when your older you can look back on your life and say wow i had a good life im glad with the way things turned out. if this man is the one you love then you can put religion aside for a moment and focus on your own goals. nobody has the right to tell you who you can or cannot be. be who you wanna be and do what you wanna do.
good luck!
2007-02-12 04:38:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How do they expect you to find someone to marry if you aren't allowed to date for one thing. Another thing, if he pressures you to have sex and you are not ready and have told him this...then he is not the right guy for you. If he really loved you he would wait for you until marriage, even if your parents don't approve.
2007-02-12 04:37:08 · answer #6 · answered by Gina 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No one should TAKE your virginity. Your life should be about more than just your virginity or satisfying his need to have sex with you. This decision should be totally up to you. If you want to live with people who have completely and totally different views on life and religion from your's, you'll have to realize that someone will or may get their feelings hurt. Stay with people you know and trust if you're not open to change or you'll be on track for a miserable life.
2007-02-12 04:36:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Do you believe in your religion? If this person loves you, he should respect your valve system. No I do not think that you should lose your virginity to him. If he is so desperate, then why doesn't he ask you to marry him. Just explain to him what you are comfortable doing & that should be okay. If he's just there for sex, then I guess you have your answer.
2007-02-12 04:38:33 · answer #8 · answered by TOWERTAZ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are 23. Time to make you own decisions. Don't let your parents influence your choice. Do what YOU think is the right thing to do.
2007-02-12 04:37:41 · answer #9 · answered by John G 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Do not give in! There will be other loves,WHO WILL respect your wish to remain virginal until marriage.You ought to try going to the church you were raised up in,or another similiar church,to seek out like minded males.
2007-02-12 04:37:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
First of all you have the power over your own body, your own sexuality. No man can ever take your virginity. It is a gift to be presented to the man you love.
You, and only you, can make such a deeply personal decision. You must listen to your heart. If this man loves you, as you say, he will respect your wishes. Love is acceptance, not demands.
2007-02-12 04:39:49 · answer #11 · answered by mediahoney 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋