please help me... I'm very confused about my relationship?

Question

Lately my boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch. In the beginning I never doubted that he cared about me. He would call me several times a day, spend as much time with me as he could, take me out to nice places, and just overall I got the vibe that he really loved being with me. I never even asked him to do these things for me he just did them. After several months passed though, this feeling began to die down. He didn’t call me very much anymore, he never took me out to places like he did in the beginning and he didn’t want to spend so much time with me anymore. I feel crushed, I miss the old him, the guy that I fell in love with. All we’ve been doing know for the past month is fight over almost everything. For example whenever I talk to my guy friends he always freaks out. He doesn’t understand that I don’t want anyone else and that I love him. Yet last night we went to a party together and he spent more time taking pictures with his arm around this other girl, then he did with me. Honestly it made me really jealous; I wouldn’t do that to him, so I don’t understand why he had to do it to me. Also one night he and I had plans to spend the night at my house, yet he completely bailed on me. I went over to his house to find him calling up all his friends trying to find a good party to go to for the night. He never even bothered to tell me we were no longer hanging out. When he saw I was upset he told, me to stop pouting. He said, Saturday nights were the one nights that he had to go out late because he didn’t have work the next day. He told me that if I kept pouting then he was just going to bring me home because he didn’t want me ruining his night. In the beginning of the relationship he would never have said this. Whenever it is just the two of us, all he wants is sex and then it’s like the rest doesn’t matter to him. It really annoys me I don’t even know what to do anymore. But the thing is the guy that I fell in love with; I just can’t get myself to forget about. I really do love him just not the person he sometimes is. What do you think I should do about everything? And thank you so much for reading this

Answer 1

He's just not that into you.
You don't love him at all if you claim to love him and not the person he sometimes is-- that's saying you only love the "nice" part of him. You can't love pieces- people are whole people, take it or leave it.

Answer 2

Some people thrive when a relationship is new and exicting - when there are a lot of firsts to be discovered together. But as things settle down, a routine is formed, they grow bored because they crave the excitment they thought they once had.

In reality - a relationship is at its best when the two of you thrive together after being close after several months. This is when you really begin to know each other and grow in love.

Your boyfriend is instead using this vital and exciting time for new growth and a firm relationship to hunt for other excting possiblites. He craves the excitment. He wants sex because it's a high for him - but he doesn't seem to even care whether or not you even enjoy the experience. When you make love to someone it should be about mutual love and enjoyment. Not that there isn't anything better to do so we might as well just sleep with each other.

He's also got a jealous streak - baring your activities and friends while he keeps his own open. He still talks and even has physical contact with other girls but doesn't want to allow you to keep your male friends. This is not a good sign. Not only is he not really focused on your feelings but he is contolling you in a subtle way. You are becoming his only and when he gets tired of having you his way he may just leave and you'll have less then when you started.

Personally, I would take a step back. Tell him that you want to put the relationship on hold for a month. That it feels like you're losing yourself and you just want to hang out with yourself. If he's confident in his love and in you this shouldn't be much of a problem, especially if you're honest about how much you love him. If not - he may respond in a controlling and angry way, demanding to know why you want to hurt him etc, etc.

See how life is without him - and determine if you really want to keep him around or if there's someone better out there for you.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, he appears to be too immature for you. You want a serious relationship and he wants a toy to satisfy his needs. Everyone needs some time with friends or alone. A couple should not smother each other. At the same time, each half of a true couple should complement and support the other. The fact that he wants to exclude you or claims that you ruin his fun suggests he does not care about being supportive.

Perhaps you should consider a break for a while. You may find that your life is better without his childish behavior and he may find that his life is empty without you. You have nothing to lose. If you continue to let him use you as a doormat you will never be able to get back to an equal and loving relationship.

Answer 4

Wow, that is tough. You know, the one thing that ALWAYS sucks about a relationship (from a chick's standpoint typically) is that the honeymoon phase in the beginning never lasts much longer than a couple months or so. I'll be honest and say that I REALLY miss the days before my boyfriend and I started having sex when we would just kiss and make out (for hours sometimes). And I do wish I could get those days back every now and then. But you know what, at the same time, once the honeymoon phase is over, you get to know each other REALLY well - for the good and the bad.

Now, about your boyfriend - I don't know if that guy you fell in love with will come back. I do know that in relationships, things start to slow down a bit (in the sense that you don't go out as often to dinners, brings you flowers less, etc) but is effort being put in on both sides still? Are you calling as much as he does, and vice versa? As for his uncaring manner of taking photos of himself with the other girls, try speaking to him about it. Tell him you wish he would be fine with you hanging out with your guy friends and he would know that you don't cheat on him and you love only him and that he would start trusting you. Also tell him that on the same token, you've never flaunted yourself with another guy in front of him like he did with the girls and that he really hurt you by doing so.

But before you start talking to him, you need to come to grips with the fact that that same guy you fell in love with may NOT ever come back. You need to be strong enough and have enough respect for yourself and your feelings to walk away from him if he doesn't want to respect you. Remember to respect him and his feelings, but above all, respect and love youself. I hope that makes sense, and good luck. It sounds like you're a sweet person, and if this one goes down the drain, just focus on yourself and have fun - love always happens when you least expect it.

Answer 5

It means the honeymoon phase in your relationship is over and you are left with his true self. We all put up a facade when we are first dating someone new until,l that is, a few months pass by and our true selves sneak out. It is a common thing and nothing you did. It seems like he may be trying to find little ways to blame you and pretend you are causing his behavior. Don't buy into this or you will spend months wondering what you could have done differently to make him stay. Don't bother. The bottom line is he is not him men enough to tell you he is over the relationship and wants to hang out with his friends and date other women. I know you may not believe this but it is the ultimate truth...he just don't know how to tell you. It is up to you if you want to hang around and figure this out on your own...but know it may be months before you realize what I've been telling you is the truth.

Answer 6

Most importantly, you sound young.

It sounds as though this guy got as much as he wanted out of the relationship as quickly as he thought he could and now either got bored or he doesn't see you as a challenge any more. Guys do like the thrill of the chase (as do a lot of females) and once their objective is achieved, they become complacent.

We have little information to go on here (i.e. length of relationship, age of people involved, etc), but not important; talk to him. Sit him down. Tell him your feelings and how you were affected by his actions/inactions.

If he's into the relationship, he'll realize the error of his ways and things will turn around. If he is not, just count your blessings that you found out now and move on...as hard as that may seem.

Answer 7

Okay here we go I believe that your boyfriend treated you will
all respect in the beginning,yet it did'nt last and the deal with
him having his pictures taken with the other girl at the party well
that is a very painful thing for someone who is in a relationship
to experience! And pouting if you don't stop he is going to take
you home so you don't ruin his night! Oh boy you know what I
think he is trying to blame you for your behavior so you will break
up with him or he with you , yet it will be your fault to him.
Prepare your self to cut him loose you deserve a good man
love get's better not worse, break up with him or it will only get
a lot worse for you and your mental health please take care go
slow and think of you. Jenny

Answer 8

Sounds like I how used to be to my boo lol ... well to be quite honest, he's just going through a phase, it'll stop soon I promise. He's obviously just becoming more and more comfortable with you, maybe a bit too much, that's why he's argueing so much. You should just tell him, sit him down, face to face one night, whilst having dinner ... tell him honestly, what you think, tell him that you think he has changed a lot and what you want him to do about it. Tell him after all of this, that if he carries on like this that you don't know what you're going to do, tell him that you will leave him for good and not return if it carries on again! Be serious, if he asks "seriously?" Tell him, try me then ... I know what you mean about you don't wnt to leave him, but if it comes to that stage, then you have to !

About the sex, he sounds like just any other guy lol, tell him if you really want it then tell him you must treat me with respect first then you'll see.

Be careful when you're with or talking to other guys, we do get very jealous, it's in our nature. Just calm it down a bit ... but tell your man that it does also count for him too, it's not a one way street ! Or maybe compromise, that you can both just talk to only your closest male/female friends but no one else! The incident at the party seems it was just him trying to make you jealous, tell him that you think that it was very, very shallow. It was really low for him to do such a thing.

In conclusion, you must tell him how you truly feel about everything, about the whole relationship. Sit him down, face to face, one on one, after dinner or something. Tell him what you think, tell him what you want him to do and tell him you want the old him back and threaten him, tell him if all of this carries on, you don't know what you're going to do, you'll leave him and be serious when you say this to him so he believes it. It worked on me when my gf said it, I got so scared lol !!!


Good luck anyway !!! Be open and honest !

Answer 9

What you are experiencing is his real personality, you now have to ask yourself ''is this man what I want in a husband?
Welcome to reality, you let him get to home-base to soon...if you know what I mean..hence the reason why saving yourself for marriage is best.
You feel you have gone from his everything, to just being there, when he just wants sex.
Have a talk with him, meet him for lunch and tell him how he makes you feel.

Answer 10

I guess in your description, you've talked about all the sweet things he's done for you-things that make you feel happy and loved. But you haven't told us about anything that you have done for him. Is there anything in your description that describes how you have loved him? Maybe he's just tired of caring. How about letting him know that you really care about him. Show him that he's more to you than just a boyfriend.