How can i help give my 12 year old son more confidence?

Question

My son has just started high school and im slightly concerned that if he does not get a bit more confident he may be bullied.
He is a very kind child and excells in school and has a few close friends.
Any ideas to make him a bit more outgoing and more confident would really be apreciated.

Answer 1

If he is excelling at school and has close friends why should you want more? Try asking him if he wants to take up other activities that he has an aptitude for or really wishes to do. What ever you do don’t suggest he takes up things that you liked or did without ensuring he wants to do so, especially martial arts. Find out what his school offers by way of sports and clubs or other local venues, make him aware of them and ask if he would like to take up any of the pursuits on offer. If he is uncertain ask if he would like to try it out. If he is academically gifted he may not want a sporty lifestyle, look at what he excels at and find an appropriate activity for him to pursue. The major problem with our culture is that we often try to cultivate a brussel sprout when we have the seed of an Orchid.

Answer 2

Encourage him to do sports and public speaking. I was always very shy at school. Sports helped a bit, being made captain even more so. It helps with integration and creating friendships.

However the biggest benefit for my confidence was standing and speaking in front of the class, whether it be presentations, plays or speeches. I'll admit its terryfying at first, but well worth the fear in the long run. The change in my confidence by the time I was 15 was astonishing.

Give him more responsibilities at home too such as handling cash, answerng important phone calls and allowing him to be present with important meetings e.g. with banks, doctors etc. Encourage him to ask questions and be asked questions.

Also he must understand that he has room to have fun at school, potentially it could be the time of his life. He can't afford to take life too seriously, otherwise he copme across as cold and could be marginalised. At the same time he must realise his studies are his priority. It's a difficult and delicate balance.

On a final note, don't ever get in his way if he starts hanging out with girls. Theres nothing that boosts a guys confidence or cred than being able to talk to and even date girls at school. If anything you should encourage it, BUT never question his lack of girls if he doesn't bring any home.

Its all easier said than done, and the adventure is different for everyone, but there are some universal truths.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

I know this has already ben suggested but honestly concider sending him to some sort of martial arts class. It will do wonders for him. He'll not only learn to stand up for himself but he will gain confidence and learn how to work as a team.
My little brother is the same age and has been picked on since he started nursery. Going to secondary school improved things a little but attending kickboxing lessons has changed his outlook and attitude. He has more confidence and even tho he is still singled out now and then he can stick up for himself a little bit more now. Don't worry i'm sure martial arts won't suddenly turn your little boy into a deadly trained killer but it will make him more outgoing and confident.

Answer 4

I know it sounds like a 'hard mans' solution, but sending him to martial arts (only if he likes the idea though), could actually be a good idea. I have a 13 year old son who up to the age of around 10 was painfully shy and lacking in self confidence despite having several good friends. He started attending Karate classes and progressed through his gradings to red/white/blue belt (he decided to stop then and start to play football (soccer)) the confidence it gave him was immense, he is now a happy, confident, outgoing young man with many, many friends.

Answer 5

Being as I was the same way until I was almost 21, I will say that the best way to build him up is to talk to him about what makes him "tick".

We all look for the "good job" or some other form of uplifting. When beginning high school, we need that one person we can turn to when we feel down or confused. He's in a position where he probably wants to know that he is desired by all the good looking and popular girls. Boost him up by making him feel handsome. He is already ahead of many (being in high school at 12), so use that to build him up.

Answer 6

We had the same problem with my 12 year old son it sounds a very similar story to my son he is also very clever and lacks confidence, we also thought he was being bullied which did turn out to be the case(in our case this does not mean that your son is being bullied) anyhow what i was going to say is that the school particularly his form tutor have been fantastic he goes to see him when things get on top of him and he can't cope, he happens to be a chemistry teacher and he does experiments with my son and is always willing to help Ben whenever he needs someone to talk to. Don't know about your son but we found the transition from one school to another hard enough without all this anyhow what i am trying to say is maybe your son could find a teacher to talk to when things get on top of him... I hope it all works out for him and just know that you are not alone.... hope that helps..

Answer 7

It's really hard to change someone's personality to be outgoing. From childhood, most people have a very distinctive personality. I was always outgoing from day 1 (almost). I wouldn't worry about him as long as he has a couple of good friends. To boost his confidence is another matter. The best thing you can do is reienforce the good things he does and show interests and try to help him pursue those friends.

Answer 8

let him experience independence, on small things. accomplishing things on your own is a huge confidence builder. if he is a small guy martial arts wouldn't hurt, everyone one should learn how to protect themselves in case of an emergency. As far as being bullied you can't actually stop that from happening you can however teach him the correct way to respond and handle the situations. I'm sure your son will do fine, besides high school at 12? everyone is going to be asking for his help on the hard questions, or the more complicated homework, you should be very proud of your son =)

Answer 9

Find out what he is good at and support him in doing that. My son was bad at sports, and got picked on because of it, but in the 5th grade, he took up band, and enjoys playing the trumpet, and he's good at it. He just had high school tryouts and he made honor band, so it's something I can pat him on the back about. You just need to find the thing that they're good at to build the confidence in that area. That confidence should spread to other areas once it starts.

Answer 10

1...


Please explain why he has not been doing martial arts like


www.kravmaga.co.uk or nijitsu since age 4 in prep for this...


2 get him into adventure sports like skydiving, surfing, (wetsuits keep you nice and warm even in winter) snowboarding, skateboarding, kitesurfing or kite boarding (good one), etc


greatvalues, will help with science subjects and top for confidence.



Also less likely to take drugs as better natural high and cant be called chicken if week involved

Scuba diving with a shark, jumping out of a plane and surfing...

(all good for the kid who gets picked last in football)


3. Give him all the help he needs to get girlfriends (top thing that... even if just kissing). Also see he knows all about sex ie what a bj is so he can say its this what r u stupid?

4. Electric guitar lessons (girls like musos)

5. Gt him to do naughty stuff to deliberately get into trouble...


ie go in with punky bright green hair and refuse to walk out of the room if the teacher has a problem with it... (1.not good goody, 2 look cool, 3 has not really done anything to hurt others, 4 get girls)


6. Help him get good at jokes


7. this is going to sound weird but... serious...


Rent out the movie 'cool runnings' about the first jamacan Bobsled team and you wan t the mirror on the bath room scene.


8.) make sure he knows all about drugs ... does not make him take it... but means he can say


look fk head I dont want o fking headaches from popper u got a problem with that...


beats I dont know mumsey wumsey say dont do drugs


9) Hes a boy... he WILL develop an interest in porn, he will start tossing off if not know in 11 year or tweoo... have dad or better still older bro wtc let him know thats cool just not infront of others bar girlfriend...



or you kill his confidence with girls and mess him up.


10) Get him fit... martial arts helps also things like break dance lessons at the likes of pinapple dance studio in covent garden.



make sure he is not goody goody squeeky clearn, can socialise well... magic tricks, card tricks and good with jokes helps, a bit rebelleous but lookjs after others and the adventure sports and most importnant gets good with girls