My fiancee has a 3 year old daughter, which he and I care for. For a while I have always felt that she may not be his daughter, and for a moment he thought the same thing too. But he says, he doesnt want to take one b/c he doesnt want to know. Recently, I have been wanting him to take one. I know if she turns out not to be his, he will be devastated. He loves her a lot. Am I being selfish for wanting to pursue the paternity testing? Or should I just leave it alone and be satisified with him wanting to be her father?
2007-02-12 04:03:46 · 19 answers · asked by Linda J 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My friend was in the same situation. She was married and her husband had supposedly fathered another child before they met. Things were fine until they had two children of their own. Then expenses became tight and she began wondering if they were taking care of a child that wasn't even his. He had expressed concerns about it as well, but the line had finally been crossed when they had no money for rent because the other child's mother kept asking them for money and to help watch the other toddler. They ordered a paternity test and the other woman confessed that my friend's husband wasn't the father. Paternity tests are expensive, and in a situation like my friend's, where their own children were being deprived of basic needs and they were being taken advanatage of, I think you are right in wanting a paternity test.
2007-02-12 07:05:40 · answer #1 · answered by keonli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being selfish. If he doesn't want to know, then don't force the issue on him. He loves her and wants to be the father. I applaud him for stepping up to care for this little girl. My brother-in-law went through this a few years ago. He found out that he WAS NOT the father to his WIFE'S child... yes they were married and she screwed around. It was awful for all involved. He did however remain the child's father. He now has full custody and loves the boy with all of his heart, but it took a long time to get over the bitterness of this not being his son. The only negative thing about not knowing is if the child needs medical info in the future, his may not be accurate since he may not be the father. My bro-in-law knows who the father is now, so if it ever became a problem, he could go to the man that fathered his son. But for the most part, other than that, he is this little girl's daddy! You should accept her with open arms if you love this man and treat her as if she is yours.
2007-02-12 04:27:28 · answer #2 · answered by surelycoolgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Intresting that was the same situation my twin brother was in. After takeing a paternity test and finding out he was not the father of 5 year old daughter, he had cared for and brought up as his own, the mother denied him all rights to see his daughter, or so he thought, this was the most damageing thing in his life and still to this day 12 years later he can't give him self to anyone,, can't fall in love and has never ever stoped thinking about his daughter. If you care anything for this man and his daughter you will back off and let him enjoy being a father regardless if it's his or not. please save him from a life of distrust and disapointment.
2007-02-12 04:18:56 · answer #3 · answered by Hassan E 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You do comprehend that if he's not the father, one 2 states enable adult adult males to stop new child help in accordance with non-paternity. I comprehend what you mentioned, yet understanding the paternity of the new child is basically needed if he plans to decide for custody. purely Pennsylvania helps none bio-dads to income custody. however he won't be able to quit paying new child help, she will use the certainty to steer away from him from having custody. of path, if she does that, and isn't any longer on welfare, than she loses any declare for new child help. considered one of those case got here approximately in Michigan, so the lady went after 15 years retroactive new child help on the 27-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous father. The state suited courtroom upheld the judgment, without remark on the certainty that the lady have been given pregnant via an 11-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous boy, while she replace into 28. so some distance as problems along with her, he desires to be conserving a on a regular basis magazine. he will detect a handbook on the 2nd link under, interior the report section. the 1st one is the place you may circulate to be sure if he can tape his conversations along with her, legally.
2016-11-03 06:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by arrocha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better for the daughter to grow up knowing your fiancee may not be her father than to find out when she's 18 that the man she thought was her daddy isn't really her daddy. But it's your kid so do what you want. Personally if I was in your situation I'd feel guilty lying to my daughter about who her real father was for 18 years and have her hate me later on in life for not telling her so I'd make the fiancee take a paternity test.
2007-02-12 04:32:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just pretend that paternity is not a question at all and just go with the whole "She's his daughter" thing...if he does take a paternity test and that little girl is not his...he will lose everything because he will have no parental rights to her...because even though his paternity is unsure, he has legal rights to her because to whom all are concerned, that is HIS daughter. Just let this one go, you don't want it to put a strain on your relationship...regardless of what the test shows, in his heart, that is his baby, and that can't change because of a peice of paper, only he'll lose her and he will never be the same.
2007-02-12 04:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This child is his child if the DNA matches up or not do you really want to see him crushed if it turns out biologically the child isn't his or would you rather be happy that you have a man who will stand up and be responsible for a child and love a child with the possibility that it is not his. You fiance is a great man and I commend him for that.
My father raised my brother his whole life as his own and all along knew my brother wasn't his, but in his heart my brother was as much his as I was.
Don't be selfish and take that happiness from that man.
2007-02-12 05:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by neicee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave it alone because he obviously loves her and wants to be her father. You need to do whats best for the child, and having a loving father is what's best...don't take that away from her. Even if he's not the biological father, he's always going to want to be part of her life... so why not just leave things the way they are?
2007-02-12 04:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Situations like these are really hard. Dont pressure him if he is happy with the way things are then just support him and be glad that you are with a man who would take care of a child who might not be his. Even if she wasnt his he is doing a wonderful thing by being a father for this little girl who otherwise might not have a good father.
2007-02-12 04:09:22 · answer #9 · answered by Sherrie D 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would feel the same way. if there are any reasons to believe he is not the father, then he should be tested, why should you guys have to pay his baby's mama child support for the next 15+ years if she isn't biologically his. This doesn't mean he still can't have a relationship with her. Good Luck
2007-02-12 04:54:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋