I have some grwon daughter and 1 grown son. And i am moving to down size. And my grown kids has had enough time to find somewhere to leave and they haven't done that yet , so they are thinking that they are going with me. And how do I tell them that cant move with me and that they need to find there own way without hurting there feelings.
2007-02-12 03:59:56 · 7 answers · asked by thenottee1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
At this point, with all being adults, this is what to do:
Up to this point in time, I have raised you, ALONE .. and you have had everything that I can provide -- are comfortable, were able to obtain your basic education, have had food, clothing, shelter, and even some luxuries.
As you are well aware, I am not a young person anymore. As such, I am downsizing, and by doing so, know up front that there is NO ROOM in where I intend to live at this time for others in the home. I will be moving to this new location in ______ months/days ... and by that time, you need to have found alternative living arrangements for yourselves.
YOU ARE adults .. and yes, it is time for YOU to spread your wings and FLY -- into full adulthood. It is also time for this Elder to FLY too -- and to begin to ENJOY LIFE as an Elder ... and yes, that means having a separate life with NEW challenges and experiences, and to be able to ENJOY these years.
SO, children, know that I will be there for moral/emotional support ... I will listen, we can meet for some lunch out a couple of times a month, but at this stage of my life, I've dreamed so long of being ALONE and being able to see you in independent lives/places .. that this is the TIME to move. (And if you are retiring at the same time .. then by ALL Means tell them you are Retiring .. and yes, you can NOT support financially others in the home too. It is NOT possible).
2007-02-12 05:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to be honest with them. Tell them you are assuming that they are going to find some place to live and you hope this is enough time. If they ask to move with you, or say they will then use my always say YES policy. I have been saying YES since my kids were 12. It works like this. YES indeed you can move with me. But the new place has some new rules: I am moving to a quiet neighborhood, so lights out at 9. I am cutting expenses so $80 per week rent. I am too old (I say this and laugh) to cook I want to be pampered like the princess I am so I plan to eat out a lot. You can cook anything you buy and also clean up. Then you don't feel like you are throwing them to the wolves---and they have a reasonable amount of time to get their act together. How old are these kids???? I noticed you didn't mention and wondered if its because maybe it really is too soon......just a thought.
2007-02-12 04:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt they will be hurt, they are going to be angry because they obviously haven't learned how to take care of themselves up to this point in their lives. You are going to just have to tell them the truth and that is they cannot move with you and they are going to have to find their own place to live. Be firm and let them know you mean business. If you give in now it will be your own fault as it has in the past for letting them live with you until they have become adults in the first place. It is up to you now, not them. Your in control or are you?
2007-02-12 04:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by devilgal031948 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you have spent their entire lives preparing them for this moment. It's time to leave the nest and be out on their own. You will be there for MORAL support but you have done all that you can do for them. Wish them well and move on.
2007-02-12 04:11:43 · answer #4 · answered by Monty L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's way past time to worry about hurting their feelings. Just be totally honest and say that you need to downsize and that it is time for them to be on their own. You are enabling them to sponge off you unless you put them out.
2007-02-12 04:10:36 · answer #5 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I'm downsizing so you know there won't be room in my new place for you, right? I'll be moving in __ days, so you should move out a little sooner."
Don't keep the truth from them to spare their feelings-- they need to know clearly and firmly so they can find a place to live. It's not really fair for you to avoid the topic to save yourself from having to deal with their tantrums.
2007-02-12 04:07:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you are all adults - tell them...it's your house. You are all grown-ups now - communicate. They might be mad for a while, but they wil get over it.
2007-02-12 04:06:46 · answer #7 · answered by Amy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋