Instead of commuting an 80 mile round trip per day my boyfriend is talking about me living with me Monday-Friday (I live within a mile of his work) and in his own place with his flatmate at weekends.
Everything is great between us and he will obviously contribute financially but is this a fair arrangement? We've been together nearly a year.
2007-02-12 03:54:25 · 24 answers · asked by star 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Why would you ask if it is fair? What do you think is not fair?
What do you want to do?
2007-02-12 03:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from with asking if this is fair. Is he only going to live with you during the week for ease of his work etc which will suit him, and then go back to his mates at the weekend for fun and laughs. Or are you at a stage where you want to try living togther, but want that bit of space at weekends so you don't feel as if you are rushing things? Do you not want your guy with you at weekends so that you can have some of the fun of weekends together rather than just the working week? Maybe have a think, then a good chat to make sure you are doing this arrangement for the right reasons, not because it's convenient for your bloke.
2007-02-12 12:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by TulaBox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contributing financially isn't such a problem- who's going to cook, clean, shop, do the laundry, pay the bills, clean the toilet on the weekends while he's out with his flatmates?
If he's going to be sleeping in your bed and you're not engaged or planning a wedding, it sounds like just a convenience to him.
He should get his own apartment closer to his work, not use your home as a commuter hotel.
2007-02-12 12:01:08 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you're a little dubious - if he really wanted to live with you, then wouldn't he want to be there at weekends as well as week nights? It does rather sound like he's using your house as a convenient sleeping place during the week. I would suggest that you talk it through with him and work out what his motivations are... it may be that he just hasn't really thought it all through, or he may want to 'try out' living with you without making an real commitment. That may be fine with you, but if you want to live together full-time and he's not ready to commit to that, then you need to think long and hard about whether the part-time option he's suggesting is really a good idea.
2007-02-12 12:07:39 · answer #4 · answered by Toptack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, to answer your question, moving in together for mere convience, can put a damper on your relationship. You need to know how things are going to be when you live with someone. Some people feel comfortable with living together with one another, others feel as though their privacy will be out the window. Make sure this is what you want, not for distance reasons, but for reasons that you are both ready to make that kind of commitment and that you both are sure of your decision. Its always best to live with someone first before deciding on marriage, but this isn't the case. If he really truly loves you, then you two can withstand anything. Just make sure hes not doing it because its easier for him... Its a big step and it can either make or break your relationship... Good luck with this...
Love AUrora
2007-02-12 12:02:22 · answer #5 · answered by aurorathegoddess 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that he wants the best of both worlds! A convenient place to stay only a mile from his work during the week with your company, sex, meals and goodness knows what thrown in...... and then freedom and back to his own flat at weekends.
I wouldnt consent to it unless it totally suited me. How will you feel at weekends? lonely maybe.
You need to discuss all this with him, but if you REALLY thought it was a great idea, you wouldnt have asked on here cos you wouldnt have needed to!
I suspect you are not really happy with it.
2007-02-12 12:03:14 · answer #6 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Star
I don't really think you know what you want yourself but I guess everyone will tell you what you must be already thinking ...that he got a bit of a nerve
He wants the convenience of getting to work easy & you doing for him thro the week, but does not want to share any of his free weekend time with you.... no-one would blame you, if you feel like saying ..buga that!
100% or nothing I would say .... but it's up to you ... so ask yourself is that what you honestly want?
trust yourself to give yourself the right answer & go with that!
goodluck!
2007-02-16 11:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by healer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you thinking he should live with you all the time, I don't think it's fair for him to live with you during the week then go back to his friends at weekend when you could spend the free time doing things together, rather than just during the week when your both tired after work good luck
2007-02-12 12:00:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things do change after you live together, and living arrangements just for a week and I go back to my house on the weekends just doesn't seem right. You should have been the one to ask him not him to volunteer.
2007-02-12 12:01:12 · answer #9 · answered by stefanibrown74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you want out of the relationship, he obviously doesn't feel ready to commit 100% to living together if he wants to stay in his own place at weekends, but its a good way of seeing if you will last in a relationship living together, because at least if you think bloody hell i cant live with him a few months down the line at least he has somewhere closeby he can go to lol. good luck mate
2007-02-12 12:02:58 · answer #10 · answered by Charlotte S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally i think he should either live in one place or another, I f you love each other it shouldn't be a problem.
But...
I know from my own life you never actually know if you can get on all the time til you move in together
2007-02-13 04:30:14 · answer #11 · answered by Soul Reason 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋