My fiancee and I are to be wed in a couple of months and we are finalizing out guest list. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and it is quite an expensive ordeal. My question is regarding single people invites. My future mother in law believes that all single people should be invited "and guest". I'm looking at this from a cost perspective and she believes that it is rude if you invite a single person and don't include the guest on their invitation. Being that I know all the single people from both sides of the family and they don't have significant others. What should I do?
2007-02-12 03:38:39 · 28 answers · asked by Snuggles123 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
According to etiquette books, you do not have to invite "guests" for your single invitees. However, you need to take the time to ensure that you find out whether or not each and every "single" is involved with someone. If they are, that other person's name needs to be included on the invite (not just "And Guest"). If they aren't, then you need not include a "guest" addition.
However, to guard against write-in guests, you may want to pre-fill in the RSVP cards. Write in your guest's name in the name slot and fill in "One" in the "number attending" area.
If she still doesn't believe you, take her to the wedding planning section at any bookstore. Pull out a book and search for the applicable section. I can also tell you that this is specifically addressed in one of the recent Miss Manners books as well.
Good luck to you! : )
ps - "Crusader's" answer is right, but oh so wrong. If someone is "seriously" dating someone, "& Guest" is HORRIBLY offensive. I can't stress that enough. They should have taken the time to find out the other person's name. HOW RUDE!!!
2007-02-12 04:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps in the old days it may have been rude. However, today with SO many single people its not considered to be such a social faux pas.
So you have only a few options:
1. You can do the "and guest" thing....and tell your bossy soon-to-be MIL to cough up the extra bucks to pay for their meals;
2. You can omit those people and pare down your guest list that much more. If you're inviting these singletons because you REALLY like them than this may not be the best option;
3. You can go with what YOU want to do since it is YOUR wedding and YOU are paying 100% of the necessities.
I wish you luck.... And congrats!
2007-02-12 11:45:17 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you are paying, you can decide.
As far as etiquette, this is a gray area...if you have the budget, you are supposed to invite a guest. If you don't have the funds, there's nothing you can do.
If the "single person" has been dating someone for a year or more, then you should invite the guest. If they are engaged, (regardless of time together) invite them both.
If you are inviting single people without guests (totally understandable and okay as far as etiquette/budget) make sure you make all the tables with single people even numbers...six, eight, or ten people to a table. If you do an uneven number there is more of a chance of someone being left out.
If your MIL is totally put off by this, tell her you would be more than happy to give all single friends guests....if she pays for them. (And all of them; it WOULD be rude to invite only her side as couples, while your side and your friends are all still left without guests.)
Congrats and good luck
2007-02-12 11:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not doing the whole and guest thing. If I know that one of my guest has a significant guest, then I'll invite them. Other than that my numbers will skyrocket. Were also paying for our wedding, a reason we did that is because we want to make all the decisions.
2007-02-12 11:45:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No wedding etiquette prevents you from inviting single people alone, specially when you know they have no significant others. Weddings are very expensive ordeals indeed and since you and your fiancee are paying for the whole affair do not feel any remorse in inviting precisely who you want. Besides, what a better place than a wedding reception for your single friends to meet their futures!
2007-02-12 11:50:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
"...it's YOUR wedding, so YOU'RE IN CHARGE...
what you really need to do is think about the long term consequences of your actions....
...think of this as the FIRST BIG TESTof your marriage...
...discuss it thoroughly with your fiancé...
...then make a decision, stick with it, and deal with the consequences...
...people will respect you for it..."
http://www.thebridalcafe.com/NewsArticles/AmIBeingTacky.htm
"...if an invited guest is married, engaged or living with a significant other, that partner must be included in the invitation....
"...inviting single guests with a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required. if you are inviting a single guest with a date, try to find out the name of your friend's intended date and include that person's name on the invitation. otherwise, inner envelopes may include 'and guest',indicating that he or she may bring any chosen escort or friend....
"...guests who ask to bring a guest...
your guests should know better! it is never appropriate for a guest to ask to bring a date, and you have every right to politely say no. ..."
http://www.elegala.com/etiquette.html
best wishes....
2007-02-12 11:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In ours we only put "& Guest" down if we knew the person was seriously dating someone. Your mother in-law is not paying for the wedding, you guys are, so you and your fiance should make the decision. I had a similar problem. Let your budget be your voice of reason. The wedding will quickly come and go but the bills will still be there. Try not to discuss it around her and if she brings it up again try to change the subject to something nice that she's is doing for the wedding. Don't worry, your new mother in-law will forget about it after the wedding.
If she persists you could always mention that it is customary for the brides family to pay for the wedding. I know you can't do this but it helps to think it to vent frustration.
2007-02-12 11:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by sader 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Weddings are probably the only situation in which "old school" rules apply these days. Technically you should include the "and guest". If you know these people are single most likely they won't bring anyone with them anyway.
You could always leave the "and guest" off, but some of these people may call to ask if they can bring a date. In which case, you will be in the hot seat.
Btw, since the IL's aren't paying for anything you can write "guy, son of ___" and "gal, daughter of ___" in the invites. However, you don't have to include their names if they aren't paying for a thing.
2007-02-12 11:53:56 · answer #8 · answered by Amber Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Etiquette says that you don't add "and guest". You would find out the name of their significant other and invite that person separately if the single person is in a serious relationship; you're not required to include casual dates.
It's actually very rude of the invited person to assume they can bring a tag-along. I think the worst offenders are single girls who don't have a man, so they expect to bring another girl friend.
2007-02-12 11:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line: You pay, your rules. Your FMIL has no say in the matter.
It is totally appropriate for you to only invite the friend and not include a guest. They are single, that means one.
Be warned however, they may choose to bring a guest although you didn't specify one was invited. That's just the way of the world....
2007-02-12 11:45:41 · answer #10 · answered by Nichole D 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋