How to motivate smart but lazy child?

Question

My 12 yo six grader is happy with his unearned B's. By that I mean, he doesn't try and gets B's. He is so resistant and I am so frustrated. I tell him that if he got a B after trying, I wouldn't have a problem with it; but when he's letting himself perform below his level, it's unacceptable. I want it to be unacceptable to him too. he says, "a B is better than average-it's still good."

He is picked on at school because he's more of a "book" kid than an atheletic. I keep trying to make him understand that his brain is what will triumph over these punks. And that by not trying and getting B's when he's capable of all A's, he letting people like that win. Also, I worry that when the material is more challenging to him as he gets older, because he has not honed his study skills, he will crumble. Okay, enough venting. I'd appreciate any input. Thanks

Answer 1

Does your school have a special program for gifted students? Is there a school for the gifted in your community? Would it be possible to promote him one grade? The best answer would be for him to get into a group of students that are like him and to make friends with them, so they could provide a positive influence and also relate to his situation. It's going to be very difficult to motivate him otherwise because he's young and he simply won't be able to see how his lackadaisical attitude could affect his future. If all else fails, you may have to take a hard-nosed attitude with him and tell him that he will have privileges taken away if he doesn't perform to his full potential. I really hope it doesn't come to that though. Maybe you could try selling it to him by discussing it with him on a more adult level and explaining to him that there are certain things in life you HAVE to do in order to get the opportunity to do what you WANT to do. If he had a better understanding of what it's like to be an adult and have to work to make money to pay bills and how much harder it is when you don't earn a good living, maybe he'll see that he needs to do his best so he doesn't end up flipping burgers at McDonald's or something like that.

Answer 2

Ok. First you are fighting an attitude that araises from school. Getting by and not requiring extra attention from the teacher is what the teacher wants. Not too smart.... not too dumb. Your little fella is a teacher dream.

So now, what to do.. require better and reward for the better. Does he have a passion for a subject or field of learning. Then let him excell in it... but that won't happen in school. That will happen with you.

As far as cruising with Bs that does not happen for long. Once he gets into the more involved studies he will have to buckle down a little bit more to maintain his crusing status. Some times we have to let it happen and help him once he has asked for help. So pick your course of action. Motivate him and his passion or wait to see the chips fall and help him when they do.

But the worry and stress that you are putting on yourself is making your life miserable. Stop it. This is all a process of growing and learning to grow up. Good luck.

Answer 3

I agree with momm2min, he may be so intelligent that the material isn't challenging enough. My thirteen year old brother-in-law was making C's and D's even though he's very smart. His mom talked to the teachers and got him placed on trial in advanced classes and now he makes straight A's even though the material is much harder or perhaps I should say he makes A's because it is much harder. :) You might also consider home school if that is something that could be a possibility for your family. The one on one attention might be just what he needs and you could customize his education to his needs. Instead of being picked on by jocks, he could find friends who share his bookish interests in a home school group. Of course I'm not prejudiced or anything since I was home schooled from kindergarten through high school. :) Whatever you decide to do, good luck and I hope it works out for him.

Answer 4

I, like you am a parent so I understand your frustration. First, congrats on raising such a smart kid. Second, I suggest you find a slightly older child, someone who your son and you would both respect, to hammer home your point. Perhaps the local high school has a mentoring program. Kids always listen to someone older but not "old", ie; teens. I suggest this because my 9yr old son was terrible in math and neither my husband nor I could teach him. We asked our 13 yr old nephew (a straight A student on the honor roll) to informally tutor him and now my son is doing much better. Kids just see us parents as "old know-it-alls" but if you find the right older kid, you could be motivating two positive growth experiences.

Answer 5

I really wouldn't push him, he is doing great already and here in the next few years thing will get much harder, let him have it easy while he can. If he doesn't apply himself when things do get harder, push him then. Get him a tutor or bring him to a learning center where they teach study skills and stuff. He will see that he doesn't need all of that a choose to do it on his own.

Answer 6

Maybe he is under acheiving because the material that he is presented with now is too easy so it is boring?

Talk to his teacher and see if there is a way to differentiate the curriculum to challenge him more. Or see if he can get into a gifted program.

Answer 7

you pick her to be autonomous, then commence now. both she is going to a CC or she works finished time. and be particular she is conscious what charges she has to pay- cellular telephone, automobile-coverage-gas, employ? CC have some tremendous 2 year career courses- perchance after operating at an area like target for awhile she will understand why some variety of education is significant

Answer 8

Pay him for A's and nothing for any other grade.