My 5 year old girl and her step father (who is her brothers biological dad) fight all the time. It's ripping the household apart. It's like having two kids its gotten so bad.
What can I do to mend this.
2007-02-12 02:39:37 · 11 answers · asked by Java Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is the odd one out. You, your new hubby and your new kid are a family, she sees she is the odd one. She has a different name from everyone else. Your wonderful second husband is acting like a child if he is actually fighting with a 5 year old. Your daughter is 5 and is surviving the only way she knows how. That is one brave little girl.
2007-02-12 03:40:12 · answer #1 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first off, any adult who's arguing with a 5 year old needs to have his or her head knocked silly. An adult absolutely should not be drawn into an arguement with a child. He needs to recognize when this is happening and stop it immediately. He can simply say, "I'm not arguing with you." or "Stop arguing with me." and then he stops talking about what ever it was that was causing the disagreement.
Secondly, do the two of you see eye-to-eye, you and your hubby? Get on the same page where the parenting is concerned, if you share a child together, or there is another child in the picture, then all rules should apply to all kids, period)
Maybe the two of you need to sit down and write a list of all the issues that seem to cause conflict, and come up with solutions that you both agree on.
Thirdly, be united, don't one of you go against the other, support one another. If you catch your 5 year old arguing with your husband, tell HER to stop arguing. Don't take her side infront of him, ever. You will undermine his authority. Solve your disagreements away from the kids. If you think he's being unreasonable, then tell him so, but not at that moment infront of your child. WAIT till everyone has calmed down and point out to him how you would have wanted him to handle the situation.
Fourth, you don't always have to be right.
Fifth, encourage them to do things together, maybe something special that just the two of them do, like bed time stories or watching a cooking show together.
,
2007-02-12 03:01:14 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adults need to take the initative of things, you will end up a mess if you don't do something NOW. you daughter is just that, a child, but also need to be reminded to stay in a childs place. You didn't mention any of this in your question, so I am gonna go from experence here (been there) At some point both of them are right, and you seem torn between the wife and mother position. Get your child/as well as yourself into couslin, ask your husband to join you, if he doesn't want too, you and your children go, there needs to be an intervention, I prayed a lot myself, but I don't know if you do that or not, I don't know you personally, so I have no way of telling. My kids were older than yours when I married my second husband (I didn't have any children with him) and I remember when I use to tell them, " you guys are going to let that little word STEP, ruin our whole family, and they did, my husband could have done better because he was the adult, but he chose to argue,fight right alone with the KIDS, which showed me, he needed working on himself, no one in my family would except couslin, but to make a long story short, my oldest was killed (car accident) before I could get anything work on or worked out, I had planning on leaving my husband anyways, because he chocked my oldest son, and before anything could happen, I got that hurtful news that night, my son had left home, wasn't staying with us any more. I didn't mean to make this so long, but if I can say one word from what I have been through, to help someone else, then I will, Good Luck, and please think of your children, we are responesable for them, until they are grown
2007-02-12 03:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by Ann J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any advice on how to help, but I do want to let you know I can identify. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and the main reason we're not married yet is because he and my 7-year-old daughter are contantly at odds.
I can tell you this, though...I was a step-daughter myself and for a very long time, I thought I hated my step-father. We fought constantly as I was growing up. But now, I'm 28, and when I have any problem that comes up in my life, he's the first person I call. I know that may not help much now, but I think of it sometimes and it gives me a little hope for the future.
Good luck to you!
2007-02-12 02:57:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was the redheaded step child, and I was also 5 when my mum remarried.
I hated him.
The best way to try to keep things calm, is for you to get him involved in her life.
Have him spend time with her so that is just the two of them. He's the adult so have him start a conversation that you know she'll respond positive to.
She is going to be angry and feel resentment for a while. She feels like her dad has been replaced and maybe a little left out.
Talk to her and let her know that you love her, her brother and the new dad, and that when they fight they hurt your feelings and make you sad, becuz all you love them all and want everyone to be happy and love one another. You could also try family counceling to see if there is more to it than just anger.
It took me several years to understand my stepdad isn't the jerk I always knew he was, afterall he was always there for me, and still is today. Good luck, and hang inhere.
2007-02-12 02:52:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask him who is the Adult here? Why would he continually fight with a 5 yr old? He is going to have to start showing the kid that she is respected and in turn he will be respected as well. Children are very lovable, tell him to let his guard down and really get to know the child. If he makes an effort to get to know her better and laugh and play with her, she will start to trust him more and enjoy her time with him. You have to remember that children are just being honest because they don't know how else to be. He has to learn to overlook her age and just love the kid. Take care Heather
2007-02-12 02:47:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a little girl. You need to step up and be the parent. No kid runs the parents, the parents need to put the boundaries and disipline in the household.
2007-02-12 02:44:48 · answer #7 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all prayer is the first method of solving this problem
second you need to sit the two of them down and get some questions going on why they dislike each other. you need to let you daughter know that you love her and that she needs to show some more respect to her step father. your husband just has to be more patient with her and try to understand that she may be venting on him because of other family problems not properly discussed
2007-02-12 02:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by melongene_choka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick that man out, no decent man fights with a 5 year old.
2007-02-12 02:46:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok let me see if i understand this, your husband is in conflict with a 5 year old? lady please do you know how rediculous that sounds? for one you obviously haven't taught your kid manors and respect and second you have married a very immature guy. I say you need to take a close look at how you are raising your child and your selection of men.
2007-02-12 02:51:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋