My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs & lived together 1.5 yrs. I moved across the country w/him for his job which is now sending us back to where we are from(unexpectedly). We have been talking about marriage for a long time now, he just has seemed to be in no rush for it. I told him recently that I really want a commitment- he said that he didn't think there was any reason to rush it. I decided that I was going to move home a little early so that we(HE) could have a little time and space to figure out what we wanted before we move back to our hometown and move in w/each other again. That basically got his butt in action and he decided that he did NOT want me to move back before him and that we could get engaged/married. So, his mother and i went ring shopping the other day and I found a ring that I love& him&I went and looked at it last night. The thing is, now I am feeling like I gave him an ultimatum and forced him into this. What would you do?
2007-02-12 02:35:31 · 7 answers · asked by hc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's ok with committing enough for you two to live together, and anytime I hear that I wonder "what are you really waiting for?" He may not want to 'rush it', but your feelings of wanting to get married are JUST AS valid as his of 'why rush?"
Quite frankly it sounds like he was dragging his feet pretty hardcore - and sometimes an ultimateum is the way to resolve it. Sounds like he just realized "Hey, I really want to be with her - and if I don't make that commitment I won't be." You were honest with him, if he didn't want to marry you or was REALLY unsure for another reason, I don't think he would have decided to marry you.
However, the key to good relationships is communication. Ask him if he feels like he's being forced into this. If he is, ask him why - and if now isn't the time, then when is? Why is he willing to move in with you (and across the country and back) - yet not make the most permanent commitment. Be prepared to express your own feelings on this "I really want to get married, this is how I feel, etc. etc." I think it would do you both well to have an honest discussion on this. I personally believe in marriage, it sounds like you do too. If you believe marriage can be optional, then that's a different discussion with him. Good luck!
2007-02-12 02:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by country_girl_in_a_city 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did force him into this. while this might have been something on his mind, his initial reaction was that there was no need to rush it. so what is your reason for rushing it? this is the problem with marriage today... there are no solid foundations behind it. it's all about hurry up. can't you be together and cherish each other and be committed without this "official" ceremony? can't you see the love in his eyes? what is the rush? what is the rush? what IS the rush? insecurity? is that a good reason to get married? impatience? is that a good reason to get married? even pregnancy isn't a good reason to get married. so what is a good reason to get married? is there a specific time period of being together, living together before you can run off and tie the knot? NO there isn't. it's a decision you two should make TOGETHER and not under any kind of ultimatum OR pressure. this is part of the reason for the high divorce rate.
good luck.
2007-02-12 02:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds pretty tricky love. Society expects us to wed and most faiths advocate marriage but it is becoming increasingly obvious that marriage does not equal commitment in this day and age. It is so easily annulled! If you have chosen to be together a signed piece of paper makes no difference; on the other hand, if anything should happen to either one of you in future (God forbid!) it might make all the difference that you signed that piece of paper. It has become unimportant (commitment-wise) and yet remains vital and necessary as proof to a third party especially where you have joint investments. If you view it as future security and not a sign of commitment it helps put things into perspective. Hope this helps ease your conscience. All the best.
2007-02-12 02:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by kahahius 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice that I can offer is to talk to him.... Tell him that you love him and want to spend the rest of your live with him, but you don't want him to marry you out of fear of losing you. Ask him if he thinks it is too soon, and if he does ask him when he thinks would be a good time, and go ahead and set a date. Just let him know that after you told him that, you felt like you were being too pushy, and you want him to be your husband, but only when it is right for you both. If he really wants to marry you, then he will want to make it right for both of you as well. Good luck girl.
2007-02-12 02:41:59 · answer #4 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would consider it a form of emotional blackmail IF you knew that he would react that way. Still, after 2 years he has had plenty of time to get things figured out.
2007-02-12 02:46:19 · answer #5 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you need to get married
there is no need for it
i have been happily unmarried for yrs and yrs and we have a joint account mortgage and on each others ins
we wear rings and even said vows
i have even took his name legally
you dont need a piece of paper for him to tell you he want to care for you forever and want to spend the rest of his life with you
the only thing its good for is spending tons of money getting in and out of it
2007-02-12 02:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
short answer-- when he's ready, he'll ask YOU to get married. I think he just bought you a "shut-the-hell-up" ring.
2007-02-12 02:45:49 · answer #7 · answered by JENE T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋