My girlfriend went to Shanghai for 6 months for work attachment. She started liking her classmate who was roomies with her. When she came back, she told me honestly and I respect her for that. However she couldn't decide between me and the other guy, so I initiated the breakup and I told her to get it out of her system. If she feels she made a mistake, I told her I'd be willing to let her come back. But yet I'm a little disappointed about everything. Will I be doing the right thing if she really wants to come back?
2007-02-12 02:17:47 · 7 answers · asked by OrdiNance 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You already know the answer to this.
If she had something she needed to get out of her system, she isn't sufficiently interested in you. If you take her back, you will be setting yourself up for a repeat of this same scene the next time she finds someone she'll have to get out of her system.
Don't do it. Move on and find somebody who puts you first.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-12 02:26:59 · answer #1 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough decision. I agree with how you've handled it so far. You really have to follow your heart though. You will be miserable if you don't. There is a fine line between protecting yourself from hurt, and keeping yourself from having a relationship that could last a lifetime.
You know her, we don't. Her track record may tell you a thing or two about what is to come. Being honest with you about it is a positive, however, it did happen, which is a negative. If she has any history of this type of behavior, taking her back would be a giant risk. If she is indecisive now, what is to keep her from the same in the future. Working with someone closely doesn't make it ok to allow things to happen.
If she does come back, maybe you should "date". If you let her back into a full blown relationship right away, you have let her know that she can do what she wants and you will still take her back. She needs to understand that type of behavior is not acceptable to you and won't be tolerated again.
I don't know how strongly you feel about her, but I suggest you start dating. Maybe not "dating", but go out with a group of friends, especially females. She needs to know that you are considering other options as well. You never know you may find the one you are really looking for.
Sorry that had to happen though. I understand your pain.
Hope this helps.
2007-02-12 02:49:28 · answer #2 · answered by travis r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime emotions are involved, there is almost always going to be feelings of disappointment when your feelings aren't returned 100% all of the time.
It's cool that she's being completely open and honest with you - and let's face it, you're not married. Dating is the time to figure out exactly what you want and need in a relationship, and while it can hurt some that doesn't make that any less true.
I think you're really taking the high and healthy road here - giving her time to figure it out. Heck, while you're at it, make certain that you're sure as well! The old cliche is true - if it is meant to be, most likely it will be. If 'seeing' another guy for awhile makes your qualities all the more attractive to her, she'll come back to you sure as ever that you're the one she wants.
The disappointment is understandable - it hurts to have someone tell you that. But if she really wants to come back, and you let her 'come back', then you're definitely doing the right thing. I'd look at it as a compliment in the highest regard, actually. "Yea - I tried something else, I found out, but in the end I wanted you!".
2007-02-12 02:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by country_girl_in_a_city 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. I admire you for being the bigger man and letting her go without a scene. But...two things:
First, if she went off with someone else when you said she could...that means that maybe she was just being polite when she said that she couldn't' decide. Maybe deep down she didn't want to hurt you and is relieved you let her go.
Secondly, if she does come back and you two get together again, you are going to have to work through what is different and YOU need to be sure you feel secure that she won't go running after whatever piece of a** suits her.
Best of luck, and sorry things worked out that way for ya.
2007-02-12 02:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by arwens_curse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would question the strength of her love for you. What made it so easy for her to have feelings for someone else and then to have her undecided on who she wants? All of this would make it clear to me that something is wrong within the relationship. The bond of love and friendship appears not to be there. This would be my main concern. If you want a relationship with her then these issues would have to be explored and worked or if left avoided, then the situation just might repeat itself. You two would have to really talk and get down to the issues of what caused her to so easily transfer her affections to someone else. Maybe couples counselling can be benefited to you both. See if she is willing to do this and hopefully you two will find a way to a more committed love.
2007-02-12 02:28:38 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she comes back then she made a choice that she loved you more so if you feel the sameway then I say sure..why not? Maybe you towo will have fun in the long run^^..Ya never know what you got til its gone.
Hope I helped^^
Nikki
2007-02-12 02:22:43 · answer #6 · answered by You've Already Won Me Over 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you want to do that.. why go back when you could go forward.. find someone that will respect you and want only you..
2007-02-12 02:22:13 · answer #7 · answered by bajajunglemama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋