Are there any specific problems to look out for in a very bright child?

Question

My daughter is 12, she is exceptionally bright, and will be starting 8th grade in the fall instead of 7th. Even though she appears to be a happy child, she still enjoys playing with dolls and so on, she is not very sociable and finds group activities that involve other girls difficult. The only activity she enjoys is Girl Scouts but does not actually appear to have any friends. Her school teacher does not think there is anything wrong, but I find it a bit strange that a 12 year old girl does not openly want to have friends and will actually avoid group activities (band, sports). Any advice?

Answer 1

I've done quite a bit of studying up on particularly bright children over several years.

There are two kinds of very bright kids - kids with a very well rounded type of intelligence (kids who are across-the-board very capable, which includes natural ability to excel in "verbal thinking" (which includes having good "human intelligence") and kids who lack "human intelligence" (which involves social skills) and excel only in very focused subjects like math and science.

"Verbal skills" kids do better at making friends because they tend to "know enough" to tone done their intelligence. They also just have better social skills and want to be part of "the social scene". They're more tuned in to "saving the world", though, so these kids can sometimes underachieve in school because they see what goes on in a classroom (usually aimed at average and just above average students) as "make-believe".

"Math/science" kids often seem happy enough but if they lack the other type of intellilgence (which often happens with students who are extremely, extremely, advanced in math/science subjects) they can have difficulty with social situations.

"Across-the-board" bright kids do have certain challenges when it comes to maintaining motivation in school, and they do need to find the things they have in common with other kids; but when kids have the "human intelligence" to be able to know how to do that and the intelligence to know how to put their own "brightness" into perspective they don't have problems making and keeping friends. Kids with this type of across-the-board superior intelligence, though, can tend to be shy (I once read it described as a "look before you leap" approach) and may not necessarily enjoy group activities.

Kids with across-the-board thinking also may stay away from something like band (if in their school that is seen as not cool).

How athletic a kid is is probably a separate issue, but if a kid is not the athletic type (which requires a certain amount of physicial energy and even a little bit of aggressiveness) he/she won't like sports.

If she's 12 and still enjoys playing with dolls it sounds like she may actually be a little on the "younger side" when it comes to emotional/social maturity, so maybe the other girls in her class act more mature than she does (sometimes in ways she may know aren't positive).

Having said all that, though, I think the answer to your question is that a child who is very bright academically but who lacks equal superiority when it comes to the type of thinking that is associated with "human skills" can have difficulties socially. Also, the child who has come to build an identity on how bright she is can sometimes come to value it a little more than is compatible with seeing herself as just one of many students. In other words, while that type of child can sometimes measure all people by academic abilities the rest of the world uses a more well-rounded "measurement of a person system". As a result, some children who lack social skills but have high academic performance can come to see themselves as superior while "the rest of the world" may think, "Ok, you do well in school but what kind of PERSON are you?" The student who lags in social abilities tends to think, "The kind of person I am IS that I do so well academically."

Kids who excel across-the-board, though, may prefer one close friend to several friends that operate in a group; and kids who do have across-the-board "brightness" may generally fit in with all the other kids in school but not yet have met that one, close, friend. This is where this type of kid would rather have no close friend than have to find a way to relate to someone who seems as if she's "on another wavelength"; and kids with "human intellligence" tend to believe that close friendship requires a certain set of similarities in values and personality.

I have a feeling that because your child may be in a school that isn't as big as secondary schools are she just may not have yet found a close friend. If she will be attending a larger school in the next couple of years she'll probably meet a close friend or two then. She may bring out the dolls because she doesn't have much else to do right now, and she sees no harm in hanging onto playing with them for another little while. She is obviously not so socially mature she finds the idea of playing with dolls as objectionable, but what that can also mean is that she is confident enough in her own maturity that she is not above doing something she still enjoys regardless of what other kids her age do.

I tend to suspect that when two things happen (1. She inevitably begins to want to do more grown-up things and 2. She attends a school with a larger pool of potential friends and other students who are similiar to her) that she'll find a couple of close, high-quality, friendships that will see her through secondary school and beyond.

If she has the opportunity to be a year ahead in school that's good because it can help meet her need for academic challenge. That's a big thing. She'll probably never be a real big fan of group activities because very bright people usually operate in a mode that is different from the "very average" mode groups operate in. I don't think, though, that a preference to stay out of group activities is a bad thing. Its just a preference.

I'm not sure I'm qualified to offer advice (although I have experience with children who were always very bright), but my advice would be that you be careful not to be looking for things that might be wrong with her because she's very bright. There were studies done that indicated that children who are advanced grow up more well adjusted than children who aren't. These were the Terman Studies, and there are people who have argued that they were not correct. Studies or not, though, I know enough "advanced" people who are extremely well adjusted to know that a good part of the time a bright person is entirely able to find ways to deal with any issues associated with being very bright precisely because he/she IS bright enough to know how to do that.

Answer 2

This is a hard age. Many eighth grade girls are moving into adolescence at breakneck speed. Your daughter sounds as if she is enjoying her childhood and does not want to be rushed ahead. Many eighth grade girls are obsessed with friendship and form tight little cliques. It might be that your daughter feels that she cannot fit in with any cliques and would rather be off on her own instead. (I teach sixth graders, and few of them would admit to playing with dolls, even though it's perfectly age-appropriate for them to do so. Society is rushing our girls along so fast.)

It seems that she enjoys the activity of Girl Scouts, but is not especially close with any girls in the group? What if she volunteers to work with some younger girls? She could enjoy the responsibility of being in charge, but still get some social interaction. Some ideas: reading with kindergarteners at an after-school program, working with the nursery during church, helping at a library or daycare center, or so forth. This might give her some confidence and help her to gain the courage to initiate conversations with girls her own age.

Starting from scratch in a whole new peer group might also help. (I used to pray that my parents would move so I could go to a new school...alas!) But I did find a social group when I went away to camp for a week in the summer. Your daughter might enjoy something similar. If no one knows one another, she might find it easier to talk to people.

Answer 3

Girl Scouts is a group activity. Even if she's not found friends there yet she's still in a large social setting. Maybe she's being teased for being smart and feels inadequate that's why she doesn't have any friends. Maybe she feels different than the other girls and can't relate to their "play". It could be she's just not interested in what they have to offer in terms of friendship.

Also, she may not be good at music. You need to be able to hear and read music. That just may not interest her. The same goes for sports. You could ask if she'd like to be enrolled in a dance class. That would get her out of her usual school mates and let her meet other girls she doesn't go to school with.

Maybe get her invovled in a local church youth group.

I think she needs to make friends outside her school group. It will give her confidence to make the connections she needs to at school. Don't worry. The pre teen years are usually a little awkwards.

Let her decide what activities she wants to do. You pressuring her or signing her up for something dispite her feelings will only create rebellion and retallation. She needs to know she's in control of her destiny...not mom.

Answer 4

Has she always been like this? or is this something new. Maybe she is just a little shy or You may want to check out Aspergers syndrome. It is a high functioning autism , where the child can be exceptionally bright but has problems socially. There are many different levels of severity. My son has a mild form, and is also very bright , but doesnt have friends, etc....This is just an idea Im giving you. You can google aspergers and read about it. Remember there are different levels of it and not all children will have the same problems and will not have every symptom you read about.

Answer 5

If you're pretty sure there's nothing wrong and she seems happy & healthy other than being shy i don't think you need to worry too much.

The only thing i would worry about is her maybe becoming overworked. You mentioned that she was skipping a grade, which is wonderful!, but you should talk to her and make sure it's not all too much for her. You won't be happy if she gets burnt out on school before she's even made it to high school.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes very intelligent children have a hard time in social situations. Maybe she feels bored by children her age because she is much more mature. The fact that she plays with dolls is indication that she is caught between childhood and adolescence. I think you may want to take her to a therapist and see what suggestions he or she would have for you especially since she is skipping a grade and this could present some other problems.

Answer 7

Maybe she gets picked on by other kids...that would definitely cause her to avoid group activities...nobody likes to be laughed at. Talk to her about it....at 12 she is old enough to tell you.

Answer 8

Why are the different gods make have self belief yet yours isn't? i'd truthfully positioned that any different way around if the god you're speaking approximately is from the Christian faith, pondering the actuality that Christianity is barely approximately 2,000 years previous and there are religions that have been around way longer. If something, your God is a stupid fantasy provided that he took see you later to return around. you're quite gullible to have self belief that your God is greater actual than the 1st gods to ever be comprehend in background. and you're exceedingly gullible for believing that a God that's barely 2,000 years previous is definitely actual.

Answer 9

You be her friend, you'll be a better influence on her than anyone else she might pick. She's probably just shy, I'm like that. It might also have to do with the fact kids her age are immature compared to her.

Answer 10

Maybe she's not a big "people" person. encourage her to start hobbies like scrappbooking ect, and it's possible that she might need to be in an advanced school not just a higher grade.

Answer 11

some smarter kids get bored...

and putting her in a higher grade will make it worse since all her classmates are older and more mature.

I think you should try a higher class, not a higher grade. do they offers honors 7th grade classes?