I dated this guy and I got preganant and he doesnt have a clue that I actually have his son. I told him that I had a abortion but that was simply a lie. I dont know why I havent told him the truth and now my son is 3yrs old. What should I do ?
2007-02-12 00:07:19 · 22 answers · asked by PatelJ 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
it is hard because now your son is three years old and if you tell this guy he is the father your child is going to have to go through (as will the father) the akward stages of getting to know each other, if you had told him from the start, they would have already got to bond with each other, it was very selfish of you and not fair to your son who doesnt have a father figure and not fair to his father. i would hate for your son to grow up resenting you for never telling his father about him.
you need to tell him although after three years he may not believe you. better be prepared for all the complications it could cause if you do. wont add up to the pain you have caused though. there is nothing more sad than a father who knows nothing about his child.
2007-02-12 01:25:07 · answer #1 · answered by puppy love 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one has pointed this out so I will...
YOU had a baby, he got laid. YOU have been raising the child, even if it's your fault he wasn't around. Are you ready to hand your child over for visitation or whatever else when the father wants? Because once you tell him (and he will probably want a DNA test) he will have rights to your child, and once that happens you can't undo it.
I am not saying what you did is right, I don't know whether or not you should tell him, I just felt this was a side of it no-one had brought up.
I am sure plenty of people are going to call me a horrible person now but it is something you need to think about now, because you will feel stupid if you open up this can of worms and then wish you hadn't, and you might not regret it I am just saying think about it NOW before it's too late.
2007-02-12 09:23:15 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Klara♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're wrong on so many levels and I think you know that.
It's not too late to tell him the truth. :)
At the time, I'm sure you felt you were doing him a favor by keeping him out of it but now, you can understand that it's not right.
Don't be too hurt if he doesn't believe you without a paternity test because you did lie to him. Once you show him that he's your son's father, it'll be up to him to get involved but it's the fair thing to do for your son and his father and also for you. You deserve to have the support of your son's father.
Good luck with this. :)
2007-02-12 00:13:55 · answer #3 · answered by Canadian_mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put the shoe on the other foot... let's say men were the ones who got pregnant and had babies. Let's say you dated this guy... he got pregnant and then told you he had an abortion -- you went your separate ways, not realizing he actually had YOUR child.
Would you want to know that you had a son or daughter? He would too.
Aside from this poor guy who has no idea that he's a father, your son deserves to know who his father is. I grew up without one and it's haunted me my entire life. Your son WILL start asking questions, and the older he gets, the harder they will be to answer. You can't cover up the lie to you told to his guy with a thousand lies to your son... it's not fair to either of them, and it's only going to cause all 3 of you a lot of heartache and pain.
It's best to fix the situation now, while he's still young than to let it go on any longer.
2007-02-12 00:37:15 · answer #4 · answered by Tina K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the truth. I had a child after breaking up with a guy. I told him while I was pregnant that he was to be a father and that he would never see the baby. After baby was born, he called my parents and I was there. I told him she was a girl and that he would never see her. For her protection and mine, I put her up for adoption. I had a private adoption and I am still in contact with the family. He has never seen her and her parents know that it would be wise to not help her find her even discourage her until she is much older. She has pictures of him and as much information as I can remember about him. That satisfied her need to know who she looked like and where she came from. She turned 17 last month. If your ex isn't dangerous, he has the right to know AND a right to visitation.
2007-02-12 00:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day your kids will want to know who his father is. So it would be in the best interest to tell the man. It would be quite the blow that someday your child would look him up and tell him. Did you ever see the movie the Natural? Same kind of thing happened there.
You need to tell the dude, but make it clear you don't want anything at all, but that if the kid comes looking for him, he should know.
My ex didn't tell his parents that he had a son with me until the child was 4 years old. Imagine their shock. They were very disappointed that they weren't involved with the child from the very beginning.
2007-02-12 00:12:26 · answer #6 · answered by sagegranny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son's father has a right to know that he exist. Plus it's not fair to your son. One day he is going to ask you where his daddy is and what are you going to tell him? If I was you I'd call the guy up and let him know that he has a son then from there it's up to him if he wants to be in your son's life. But you differently need to check him out and make sure he's not a bad person before you allow him to see your son.
2007-02-12 00:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by jenpoesavon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is the dad a bad guy? Are you trying to protect your child or trying to be mean? Something made you lie about the abortion so stick with your story unless this was a revenge thing. Only tell him if you think that something positive will come out. Good luck.
2007-02-12 02:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by Erika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god, you have got to fix this. No matter how you may feel at the time, hiding a child from their father is the wrong thing to do. I don't know what your reasons were, but your son and his father have missed out on three years, my daughter's father and I did not get along, but we put aside our differences for the sake of our child. You need to get in contact with his father ASAP!!!
2007-02-12 01:23:07 · answer #9 · answered by Cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You possibly have a great guy out there that might want to love his son..that he dosnt even know about.. You are pathetic. My ex, We were MARRIED for almost 3 years..He hasnt SEEN his son or spoke to him in 4 weeks. And My child is 3 ...DO you have any idea how much it hurts a child to see another with a daddy and wonder where his daddy is?
Tell him
2007-02-12 03:38:52 · answer #10 · answered by dana_king01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋