i had a fairly unhappy time growing up.my father drank a fair bit but i adored him still do.he,d come in drunk and id still jump on himfor a cuddle even though my mother told me "not to talk to him when he came in " it resulted in her not speaking to me for days on end.she constantly put him down .she was also a total clean freak if i left a toy lying out it was snatched up and put in a cupboard as i had been told not to leave things lying around.the house had to be like a show house all the time friends werent allowed over the door for fear of messing up my room.now married with my own family i feel like im turning into her and it terrifies me,my husband is a gem but i always find fault somewhere.i find myself tidying up constantly and getting annoyed if my sons room is a mess.i know this isnt normal behaviour and it,s starting to really bother me im aware of doing it but cant seem to help myself.
2007-02-11 23:52:05 · 11 answers · asked by smiler 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You've got some good answers there, so I'll just add on a little thing you might do to unlearn your cleanliness problem.
Make a mess. Yes, that's right, find a place to have a mudfight with your kids, or hand them a bag full of confetti in the living room and throw some on them .... or have a food fight!
You need to let yourself know that your mother went overboard for reasons that probably had nothing at all to do with you, and that while it's good to keep a tidy house, it's okay to make a mess now and then.
A house should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
2007-02-12 00:19:07 · answer #1 · answered by arewethereyet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh no! It DOES sound like you are turning into your mother! But you know what? That seems to happen to all of us to a certain degree. At least you are aware of what you are doing. Now make a conscious effort to not take it as far as your mother did. Nothing wrong with being tidy, but don't be negative all the time and don't nag. Start making a habit by saying 3 nice things to your husband and son each day. Pretty soon, you might not be so bad to live with. :)
2007-02-12 03:28:05 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stop doing it. One thing you could do is pay all the attention that you want to an area of the house that is yours and yours only and give it all the detail and care it needs. And then give the other family members perhaps some degree of autonomy having their rooms how they like them. You can still have them clean up messes in their spaces and communal places but the main thing is surely to teach yourself how to be happier. And the control thing clearly isn't working, in fact it's destined not to work because other people are other people. In the end they won't submit to your control. I'm sure your problem is not at all unusual. As someone said "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy"?
2007-02-12 02:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by Yogini 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so first things first.. DON'T compare yourself to her at all. End that train of thought. YOU are a mother. All mothers get a little upset when their house is a mess and dishes are still in the sink and no laundry has been done.
About your husband, you love him, right?
Duh. you do and you need to remember why YOU are with him and that you love everything about him, right? Married women say they even love it when their husbands sweat. You love him that much, right?
YOU are NOT your mother and your husband is not your father.
Heres something that will help ease your mind: Make a list contrasting you and your mother and your husband and your father. Then look at the DIFFERENCES. This should help you see it clearly.
2007-02-12 00:10:00 · answer #4 · answered by Tylee Rocks! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When ever you see that your sons room is a mess just close the door. He is just a child and you can't expect for his room to be perfect all the time. You were abused as a child and if you don't want the cycle to continue (do you really want your son to grow up with the same worries?), get counseling. You have realized the flaws in everyone, now that you know them learn to love the flaws.
2007-02-12 02:01:38 · answer #5 · answered by lilbitt_637 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your insight of the situation is a strength. Most people go through life unhappy and blame it on others. Seek out therapy to help you change your behavior, even medication may be needed to help alleviate the anxiety you feel in keeping everything "perfect". Take this opportunity to break the cycle.Good for you and good luck
2007-02-12 00:12:20 · answer #6 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately
2016-05-24 00:29:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also a clean freak. When my company comes over, I just close the doors to the boys bedrooms. I would make sure bathroom is clean, then kitchen. It is normal to want your house to look good especially when company arrives.
2007-02-12 00:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by sue k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think we all do things that our mums do or did. Im the same. It scares the **** outta me too.I think the fact u r aware of it is really good. maybe try to explain to your husband why u r a pain sometimes and that it really isnt him.
2007-02-12 00:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by cat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think that this is such a problem, talk to someone and ask their opinion. Ask your father, or maybe your husband or Kids
2007-02-12 00:35:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋