I have known my fiance for about 4 years....we've been engaged for 1 month...I really dont see me getting along with his family.Ive never been close nor comfortable with them and I dont see how and why it would happen whe we get married.I just dont click with them.We argue constantly.He keeps reminding me of a MISTAKE I committed abot 3 months ago...which I could understand...but bringing it up constantly just makes everything worse.What should I do?
2007-02-11 23:47:39 · 10 answers · asked by Jessie006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
************BEST ANSWER HERE*******************
The answer is easy - painstakingly so.
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then it's time to move forward.
A relationship should never be about "trying to make it work" because when it gets to that phase, then you both have outgrown each other. Nothing wrong with that. In reality, it's not the role he/she is meant to play in your life.
If you don't "click" with his family, that usually means that they don't accept you, accept your relationship with this guy, and thus, won't respect you. It may take a long time, but do you have the time to invest in waiting for his family's approval?
As far as he's concerned, when the relationship hits a wall and there is constant arguing then that means that it is not growing. The ability to accept each other's opinions means that both are free to expand. The inability means that one party is not as open as the other, therefore begin taking inventory of the other person's faults - instead of appreciating their views.
** Also, reminding you of the mistake that happened 3 months ago, confirms that he has NOT forgiven you. This will undoubtedly continue to cause a divide AND means that he may not be mature enough to handle this relationship - failure to grow. **
My advice is to be strong and tell him how you feel, even if he may not agree with it.
The point is, you'll be honest enough to be fair to him and you all can make a decision and reflect if the relationship can foster positive communication or if it's not meant to be right now.
Good luck!
2007-02-11 23:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by HottNikkels 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah that's hard. I divorced my wife of eight years because we had serious problems with her parents. We couldn't get along no matter what, and it wrecked our marriage.
On the other hand, there is also a point where if the time you spend with the in-laws is short enough, it may not have that big of an impact on the relationship. There are a lot of factors, not the least of which is how important he thinks his family's opinion of you is, and how much you are willing to tolerate for the sake of the relationship.
Remember, BOTH people have to make the same amount of effort. If you're giving %51 percent and he's giving %49, the relationship will eventually unravel anyway. The bigger the difference in effort, the faster the relationship will fail. On the other hand, if effort remains constant, nothing will tear it apart, not even the "mistake" you made, and I know what you mean when you say "mistake"...
2007-02-12 07:54:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many others out there so why put up with the BS. Think of this and then you will know what to do. Are you the best of friends? Remember real friends do not bring up old crap to the other all the time.
If you get married it will get worse not better. Something about that little piece of paper that seems to turn nice people into monsters.
2007-02-12 07:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give up on it...It will never work out no matter what you do now..
Tough Love to me is:... In order to keep both parcels (you and your fiancee) firmly together, the wrapping, (true love) has to be strong enough to hold both of you...By what you are saying, neither yours or his, love is strong enough...You were not put on this earth to make people miserable nor he either, so just walk away and find a much stronger wrapping....Good luck in your journey.
2007-02-12 07:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by ozzy chik... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ever heard the expression - 'No point flogging a dead horse'
i think the point about his family is an excuse, yea its a pain if you dont get on with the inlaws but if you really love him that wouldnt matter.
If you do love him tell him how your feeling about everything, if you dont want to then pay attention to the quote above and sort it, the longer you leave things, the worse it'll be.
Good luck
2007-02-12 07:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by ollie101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, and I mean really love him, then make an effort to work through this.
If not, it's the decent thing to tell him now rather than letting it drag on any longer.
2007-02-12 07:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by marykin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. What you feel is important. Decide right.
2007-02-12 07:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by jew011_goody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the thrill is gone, it's time to move on.
2007-02-12 07:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by Studly Jim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when there is nothing going on when all of the spark its go
2007-02-12 07:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by T-Money 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have to ask it is probably already over.
2007-02-12 07:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by barb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋