ok ive been going out with my boyfriend for 11 months months now and i love him madly and he's the same, its kinda hard to explain he's very good and would do anything to help me out only im finding it hard to understand his way of thinking..he's 22 and was away in america since he was 17 for four years so he's very very independant and went with girls and all but never went steady cause it aint his thing. he's home now over a year adn i met him and ive been mad ever since although he's lovely in every possible way and i really could put my hand on my heart adn say that i know he'd never two time thats how great a guy he is, but he works like mad and be's busy all the time adn can only spend some time with me and i get annoyed cause as all girls would be they want to spend time with there boyfriend but to him that is just the way it is and if he goes out for a night he wouldnt text me at all he'd just wait till he see's me the next day, i no that might sound silly, what do you think?
2007-02-11 22:43:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you need to relax!
Men are different to women and therefore dont' crave constant communication in the same way we often do. Also, if he knows you are eager to hear from him, which I am guessing is the case, then he knows he has 'got' you and therefore his motivation to woo you isn't as strong as it would be if you were a bit more laid back.
If he knows that when he's not there, you're too busy to care or worry if you don't hear from him, he'll work harder to try and get on your mind a bit more.
There's a magnificent book that I love because it really sums up how I deal with men - and steer clear of broken hearts - and it's called Why Men Love Btches by Sherry Argov.
You can look inside the first few pages on Amazon here http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1580627560?ie=UTF8&tag=topofthehoffs-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=6738&creativeASIN=1580627560.
It basically details the age-old scenario of playing hard to get while making you wake-up and drop all those little habits that you don't think are too bad but that are giving him reason not to be pursuing and chasing you constantly.
Do read it - I think you'll find your whole mindset changes as should your relationship!
2007-02-11 23:58:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's busy and then there is too busy. A lot of people use their work lives as an excuse to allow their relationships to drift away. To not put a lot of effort into it.
It sounds like he already has his priorities - and you aren't topping the list. He's not always going to be able to spend time with you because he has to make a living - but this doesn't seem to be your main concern. Instead, he seems to be not spending any time with you at all. Plus, it also sounds like he goes out with friends, without even telling you - which is a little hinky for me.
When you become involved with someone - you should strive to make that person number one in your life. They should top the list of love, want and concern. Yes, work sometimes gets in the way - but it shouldn't be overwhelming to the point were you are wondering if he's alive.
If he can't make time for you - can't take some time out at least a couple of times a week to be with you - then I would personally walk. You need someone who values you enough to tell you what they're doing. You also deserve someone who isn't so over worked that nothing else is possible.
2007-02-12 06:55:45 · answer #2 · answered by noncrazed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like the sort of guy that just needs his space, if you are too clingy with him it may put him off you.
I used to want to be with my boyfriends 24/7 when I was younger but I've now realised that time apart is also essential in a relationship.
Try really hard to understand that although he loves you he is used to having freedom too. When he goes out just send him one text at the beginning of the night saying 'have a good night' then leave it, try going out yourself so you're not thinking of him all night.
He will respect you more if you display the Independence that is in his nature too.
Good luck.
2007-02-16 03:34:01 · answer #3 · answered by Poppy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,i am glad you are so madly in love,it sounds as he is so independent he likes to be on his own a lot,i think you should act the same start going out more too,let him do the chasing act as independently as he does as if you don't need him it will probably drive him mad and make him want you more,i used to be the same wiht my ex always wanted to be with him but he acted uninterested until i dumped him then he started doin the chasing,hope i helped in some way
2007-02-12 06:53:03 · answer #4 · answered by Dione 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is as madly in love with you as you are with him then he would commit to you by going steady with you. For all you know he could be out with another different chick every night, but you are non the wiser as he tells you he will see you tomorrow. You should make allowances for partners who work a lot as long as they are working and earning for the right reasons, not to squander their money on gambling or alcohol every night or weekend, if he were paying off a home for you I would be grateful for the hard work in his job, but other than that I would be a bit suspicious. Unless you have his child - that would be ok too.
2007-02-12 06:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When i first met my husband i was much the same and felt slightly rejected if i didn't get a drunken text or call when he'd been out without me.Now were married with kids i can't get rid of him and his calls annoy me,especially if i'm asleep or busy. Make the most of being how you are now,you'll soon miss your alone time and independance.
2007-02-12 06:52:29 · answer #6 · answered by heebygeeby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think either tis guy is not completely into u or you expect 2 much and aren't realizing it as yet. As much as he loves you he may also love his work or his space dat much, and he's only 22 so its just dat he doesn't wanna get 2 clingy, I'd say y dont u also get yr self busy wit stuff so yr not 2 free to wonder wat he is doin all the time. CHILL gurl
2007-02-12 06:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds normal and the more you presure him the more he'll back off go out with your girlfriends when he goes out and then arrange to meet him next day your'll have stuff to talk about and your'll find that if he truly wants you he'll want to be with you hope it helps
2007-02-12 06:50:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is only 22, and it doesn't sound like he is very committed to you. i would spend more time with your friends, maybe then he would appreciate that you have a life too and and you won't settle for a part time boyfriend.
2007-02-12 06:50:15 · answer #9 · answered by frost7216 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont let him think u are gettin obsessed like r you love him more than who loevs you. might scare him off! go out with your mates and dont live your life around him.
2007-02-12 06:54:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋