ok, my sister is 4 yrs younger than me with a 4yr old and a 2 yr old. they are great kids and i would do anything for them (and my sister) however i feel like my sister is taking people in her life for granted. she is 21 yrs old and doesn't work, has a council house and help with her bills etc, she is single however the father of the kids does help out a lot but sometimes he doesn't do what she demands, she then calls me and expects me to drop everything to do what she wants, yet when he is saying yes i don't get a phone call from her, and have to go out of my way to spend time with my neice and nephew (I do not get on with the father) and feel she is being unfair to both me and our parents. she only ever calls my parents when she wants something and he's not around, she has anger issues and whenever anyone tries to tell her something she doesn't like she goes mad............any suggestions??
2007-02-11 22:31:26 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes, she pretty much taking a few of you for granted I'd say!
2007-02-11 22:34:47 · answer #1 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
firs of all, how your sister conducts her life is really up to her. The issue is that she expects help from you and your parents and, being family, it is difficult refuse - if it was a stranger then probably you'd have no hesitation in telling her to make her own way in life. It's also that she is in control of the situation - it's your sister who decides when you see the kids, it's your sister who decides when you have contact with her ... so why not take a little control back?
You and your parents call her, offer to have the children on a specific night that suits you, and that night only. If she says that's not convenient and suggests another, then respond that the alternative night doesn't suit YOU, and leave it at that. Now she's probably keen for some babysitters like you, since she knows you are reliable (and probably free) so she is not going to abuse your services too much. Just quietly, and firmly, take control of this situation and make sure that all services offered and contact is dictated by you and your parents.
That will restore the balance between you. She may not like it but, heck, she made a choice to choose a life that is dependent on other people and so she will have to eat a little humble pie and conduct this on your terms.
Good luck, I know it's difficult. You can't choose your family but at least you can choose how you relate with them. Take control, you'll all feel a lot better and not so resentful.
2007-02-11 22:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she calls asking you to do this and that stop her and say look im very sorry but ive already made plans today and i cant just drop everything because you say so. If you had phoned and asked me sooner i may have been able to but you never ring me to say hi or see if im okay. Other than that i cant really suggest much when my sister was single she would be on the phone or texting me all the time to see if i was going out this weekend or if my son and i wanted to come here or there with her and her daughter and if i rang to see if she wanted to do anything she always wanted to but then she got a new boyfriend and i never hear from her she never phones me and i mean like never and i rarely see my niece partly because she has started school and so has my son but ive seen her about 2 maybe 3 times in the last 6 months and thats only because my dad brought her round to my house. So going of my own experience if she wont listen to you you can ignore her or put up with it.
2007-02-11 22:45:37 · answer #3 · answered by kazz06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like the exact sistuation that my family went through. I also have a younger sister (4 yrs also) and she used to do the same thing to myself and my parents and when ever we hesitated she used the kids as pawns. She took for granted what we did and behaved like the world owed her. We hated to answer the phone when she called because we knew it was because her and her boyfriend wanted something or they were fighting. As time went on it only became worse. After being treated like this for 15 years and tens of thoushands of dollars later we learned our lesson.
It was very difficult, but we realized that we were enabling this behavior and that until we did something drastic we were to blame for her taking advantage of us. We then tightend our purse strings and made her fend for herself. At first it was terrible, there were many teary nights, with threats of never seeing the children again. She would tell us they would be homeless or some other kind of threat and it was our fault. It was horrible, but we continued to say that she needed to do something for herself and if she needed to one of us would take the children until she got her stuff together. That never happened. She hit her rock bottom which was further below our rock bottom, but nonetheless, she did and when she realized that we would not bail her out she got her stuff together, got a job and now does what she has to do to do what is right by herself and her chilldren.
It was hell, but tough love works, there is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. Hold your ground, stick together and make her grow up. This is for her own good, as well as your own sanity. Don't wait to learn the hard way that this is the only thing that works, trust we tried everything.
2007-02-11 23:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actual have 2 little sisters, one is 3 years youthful and the different is 13 years youthful! and that i have continually concept that both one among my sisters were a discomfort and annoying, and that i used to yell at them and that i too would get introuble! I purely tried to no longer enable them hardship me too a lot! also, attempt to do issues inclusive of her it ought to enable her recognize that you recognize she's "there" and prefer with my sisters if I did some thing with them as little because it would nicely be, they'd go away me on my own for some hours even per chance some thing of the day. yet maximum heavily!! continually cherish the time you do have inclusive of her, b/c ultimately you'll pass out and u'll choose she become round to pester you, trust it or no longer... I omit my sisters a lot I provide to observe my 6 twelve months old sister for my mom each and every of the time even although she is a handful circumstances ten!! you're sisters, you want her, or perhaps although she's annoying or a discomfort get excitement from it!! i wish it helps!
2016-11-27 03:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a difficult one. I reckon when you have kids of your own you may have a different perspective. Until then, take a deep breath, count to 10 and do the best you can. Keep an eye out for your niece and nephew. Good luck.
2007-02-12 09:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by Haydn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have a suggestion, it sounds like she has the lingering effects of postpartum depression. She has no motivation, no drive to do anything at all, anger issues, etc. And if she has a two-year old that means she's still within range to get ppd.
Seriously, I'd talk to her about it and do one of those online tests with her to determine if she meets the criteria ... then get her some help.
2007-02-12 00:27:45 · answer #7 · answered by arewethereyet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister may be four years younger than you but she sounds more like 10 years younger. She sounds like a spoiled rotten brat who has to have her way. Sounds like she needs counseling in anger management. Maybe you and your family need to quit dropping everything to meet her demands. Have you ever talked to her and pointed out to her how she treats everyone? I would do what you can to help the kids but your sister needs to learn to stand on her own two feet. The father of the kids will grow tired of her to and if she isnt careful he may try to get custody of those kids. What is she teaching her kids, to throw temper tantrums anytime they dont get their way? Your sister needs help, I would suggest counseling for her. She also needs to grow up and take responsibitly of her kids. But I would point out to her how she treats people and if she gets mad then let her get mad. Sometimes the truth hurts and she needs to hear it.
2007-02-11 22:50:32 · answer #8 · answered by helen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she doesn't know how lucky she is. I'm a single mum, in a council house on benifits.Im lucky if my son's father has him at a weekend for longer than a couple of hours and i get no maintanance either. She should be thanking her family because i know how valuable family can be, i'd be lost without everything my family has done for me x
2007-02-15 21:10:20 · answer #9 · answered by dollydaydream22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to know her partner a little better- find out his recreational pattern and go with friends to the same places WATCH from a distance,take things slowly and then introduce yourself - chat and listen to another side of the story.
More information makes for better decisions!
Being bold & brash is not always the best way to win!
2007-02-12 01:07:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would only watch the kids for her and that would be for her to do something that is productive, like looking for work. I would give her nothing except maybe some food for the kids if needed.
A little tough love may help.
2007-02-11 22:41:43 · answer #11 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋