No matter what the predicament this relative spouts out her opinion of what I should do even though I haven't asked for her opinion. Then, if I don't take her advice she gets angry. She is always angry at some one because of an arguement but she never realizes it's her own fault. How should I respond to her?
2007-02-11 22:14:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ignore... or Kindly tell her that she wasn't asked for her Opinion. She'll prolly be offended no matter what you do........
2007-02-11 22:19:20 · answer #1 · answered by mdlbldrmatt135 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her thanks, I'll think about that and then change the subject. I'm sure in her mind she's just trying to help, but getting angry when someone doesn't follow your advise is just not right or realistic. Maybe when she's around don't bring up problems or things like that. Without a predicament she'll have nothing to try to "solve" for you.
2007-02-11 23:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, her giving unasked for advice habit is representative of having bad boundaries. Chances are that her mother was or is over-involved in her life, so her private life was shared with her mother, whether she liked it or not, and now she wants the powerful role of advice giver, like her mom was to her. And just like her Mom, when people don't follow the advice of the boundary breaking advice giver, they think the the unwittingly advised are ungrateful and disrespectful of her (self perceived) high status.
how to treat her:
The key with people like this is keep private information to yourself. If she asks for info about relationships or work or whatever, just use short answers about how it is going good and then switch the subject to tv shows and the weather.
If she tries to pry deeper by asking you outright if they are any, say, money problems btwn you and your partner, or whoever, stay on message by repeating that you have a really good relationship. No matter what she asks you just repeat that one thing. Like a broken record.
If you can avoid her finding out about her problems, you can avoid her giving you advice and then getting mad at you.
If she tries to give you advice, you can either make her talk about her relationships, and how her advice has worked for her in the past, or you can just say how you'll give it some thought.
If she gives you advice and then tries to check in with you for a situation report, just insist on maintaining that boundary by saying it's going good, it's going good, it's going good. If she tires of this and tries to counterattack, say 'I am keeping that private, but the relationship is going good.' If she's 'just tell me whether or not...' No, I'm keeping that private. Repeat.
In the end, she's a victim of her childhood, unaware of the way in which she is causing offense. I do not advise explaining her boundary problem to her, as I bet she's keeping a lid on childhood misfortune, and it would be bad to be the messenger that releases all of that.
I hope this helps.
Lastly, I should say that she sounds focused on presenting an image of specialness and wisdom, and as such, she should be easy to influence - all you have to do is make her feel like she is special and superior. If you tell her she is so smart and such a genius, and marvel at her life, like how did she do it? and tell how she was always such a hard worker, and how amazing her family is, she will do nearly anything for you, because without you doing that, she is walking around worried about being worthless, fighting for respect.
Go get em.
2007-02-11 22:54:12 · answer #3 · answered by G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her anger is her problem.
Why are you making it your problem?
She is what she is. She likes to exert her opinion. That is her nature. By wishing her nature were different (an impossibility) you are creating a problem for yourself. You are creating conflict for yourself. You are wishing things were different. But things can never be different.
If you see the truth of this then you are free of conflict. Let your relative give her advice. But do in each situation what you think best. If she gets angry then that is her anger and not yours. You should feel compassion for her and that is all. There is no need to create anger for yourself.
If you study this you will see it to be true.
2007-02-12 00:17:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A good friend told me long time ago the about, it's free and what you do with it is up to you.
So she tell you her opinion give you same advice, it makes her feel good, and you never know one day she might just open her mouth and have something good to say.
That’s family for you was there when you need them or not.
Good luck
2007-02-11 22:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by choiceav 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her.
still if she pesters u with her advices, then tell her in a very respectful way that u can make ur own decisions and dont need her advise.
2007-02-11 22:52:53 · answer #6 · answered by Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is pretty much the same. And it drives me insane...she has really made me insecure about everything in life becuase nothing I have done was ever right. I have decided if you keep being respectful to them and nodding they just keep on getting worse. So you and I will have to take the harder road becuase they have forced us to. From now on you tell her you don't agree...say thanks but I will be doing it our way. Tell her you are perfectly capable and it's your learning process. She can't live her life and yours. Then don't ask her anymore. Best of luck.
2007-02-11 22:28:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No need to respond. Ignore for a while ,she would understnad . If she still persists, she's a problem .Give her up as obviously u would not like to hang with her for a longer period.
2007-02-11 22:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by ramesh c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her unbeknown to her one time you took her advice and it was the worst thing you could of done. And after that you decided you will never take her advice again.
2007-02-12 02:12:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain that this is not OK and she should let other people make their own decisions and even mistakes. if she won't stop, then have less and less contact with her until she gets the hint.
2007-02-11 22:30:36 · answer #10 · answered by Mike H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋