We live together and have so for the past year. We both make good $, 110,000 plus combined. I'm 25. I'm 1/2 black, 1/2 mexican and She's chinese... (other note: if we have kids, they'lll be 1/2 chinese 1/4 black 1/4 mexican and his/her last name will be WHITE!...LOL)
When I first got with her 2 yrs ago her parents hated me and never would speak or look at me... Now they're ok with it and actually very nice to me... I am a very proud person... Should I just forgive them?... Or Ask them why they were so hateful in the beginning? I would always say that they would never be around my kids or even invitied to the wedding for the way they treated me... Is this wrong, they are very old school chinese so I think if I brought this up they would be offended, should I care and make them see that people are just people?
Also thinking of funny ways to Propose... any ideas?
2007-02-11 20:28:59 · 21 answers · asked by Coach White 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi, good on you for making it this far. I'm Chinese, and can fully understand what you are talking about, especially with regards to her parents being so rude in the beginning. This is simply the Chinese parents' way of trying to make sure their potential son-in-law is the best guy for their daughter. Chinese parents always want the best for their children, even if sometimes their views contradict majorly with the children's views. Also Chinese parents (old school ones) want to be able to communicate easily and get on well (i.e. same culture) with the parents-in-laws as well. For the Chinese, marriage is a very family matter (not just between the two people). In my experience, my parents also were not nice about me having gone out with a white guy (half Italian, quater German, quater English), but eventually they realised he really is a nice guy, but unfortunately he has passed away about a year ago. Anyway, after this experience, my parents now have a change in mind. They wouldn't mind if I go out with an Egyptian or Spanish or whatever nationality.
So anyway, my point is, Chinese parents do soften up after a while, especially after they realise you truly are a nice person and care and love their daughter very much. You should try to keep up that good image and make sure you invite them to your wedding. Otherwise it'd make your future relationship difficult, and also makes it hard on your g/f (caught between you and her parents).
2007-02-11 20:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by Lilliana 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally myself. I don't care if your a Smurf. As long as you two love each other. That's all that matters. I know plenty of people who's married other backgrounds and have had very fulfilling lives. Now what would of bothered me is if you said... I'm illegal. We get free money. My wife stupid. How many kids can we have without being deported? Other than that...I wish you two the best of luck on your journey. And on the matter of her parents. They probably grew up like so many people with prejudice in there hearts..and after seeing how you was. Realized you where actually a good person and can now look past it. I would forgive them, Not hold it against them. I've meet very many Chinese persons who have migrated here from there country. They are a VERY proud people and even more stubborn than most of us Americans are on there views of marriage and crossing backgrounds. If they are okay with you now. You've won most of the battle. Show that you are not angered by what they thought should be. Show them..and they'll see that you accepted them even though they are not of your background. This is your chance to be a bigger man and get MAD respect from her parents.
2007-02-11 20:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will NEVER solve anything by holding a grudge, the reason why they didn't approve in the begining is simple you weren't what they had expected but as you said they are ok with you don't rock the boat .
It is wrong to say that you don't want them at your wedding for how they treated you and yes it is wrong to say that you don't want them around your kids. Sometimes the best way to get a point across is by actions, take the lead here and show them that it doesn't matter what color skin you have what matters is who you are as a person.
As for ideas of proposal: go to the place where you went for your first date, go to a fancy restarunt, Disneyland, go to the beach at sunset, make a treasure hunt and when she "finds" the spot have it covered with flower petals and propose at that spot
May God bless you with all of your concerns and have fun with the proposal congradulations :)
2007-02-11 20:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by Jane_Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to say, I REALLY liked Mr. T's answer! But anyway, respect her by respecting her parents. I'm sure she would like them there for the wedding. And it only happens once, so don't use this happy time to try and get revenge. And please don't punish any future children by keeping them away from their grandparents. They need them, and plus it's just real hateful and you don't want to teach your kids that. You should rather teach them to forgive and forget. Your marriage might suffer later from all the pride you have, so let go. Show your soon-to-be wife what a REAL man is! (I mean with the forgiveness thing!)
2007-02-11 20:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by squirrely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're mixed, but you're half Hispanic (black and Mexican still makes a Hispanic) and half white... which still would make a Hispanic in a way. But the main thing is you're mixed.
2016-05-24 00:12:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What race and your income have anything to do with your proposal? Not a daymn thing. So do your thing!
Now whether she will say yes is all up to her and how much she loves and wants to be with you. It have nothing to do with her parents and their decision, unless it is extremely important for her to get their aproval. Now Of course people are people and race wise we all the same. As they say there is always an ugly person in a family so all races equaly have **** and good people, feel me? You dont have to persuade them or prove them ****. Just be a good man to her and as long as you make her happy they will get used to it and accept you.
FUNNY WAY TO PROPOSE.... ever seen cops show.....get her pulled over when you in a car with her and scam the whole arrest thing and then propose or something...lol **** was funny!!!
2007-02-11 20:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Far and away, you should totally let the past be the past.
It is typical of any parent not approving of thier kids dating outside of thier race. If you got over a giant barrier like that, you should be really happy!
Think about how your respective grandparents must have felt when they found out thier kids were also dating outside the race.
Rejoice, let the past be forgotten, only look forward.
2007-02-11 20:43:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think forgive the parents. Things are good now and if you plan on proposing you don't want to start any major fights. Invite them to the wedding because you gf/fiance would want that but yes go for it!
2007-02-11 20:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by sumthing_to_say_12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in love and you feel you're meant to be together, race shouldn't even be a consideration. If her parents have come around, why would you even think of holding on to a grudge. I would always keep the door open to them (unless they had tried to force you and your girlfriend apart) because the best way to battle bigotry and prejudice is with kindness, love, and compassion.
2007-02-11 20:35:24 · answer #9 · answered by Justin H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband's family are from Hungary. His mom and step dad have trouble with English and get everything messed up that you say. His mother has just stopped accusing my baby of having another father besides her son (Stupid). Anyway, its going to be very hard to please them. You need to keep your distance from people like that.Europeans and Asians are very judgmental and stern. They also don't take no for an answer on anything. Your gf will marry you no matter what they say, thats the beauty of it all. Just leave things alone and they will solve themselves.
2007-02-12 17:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by KelBean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋