He was so sincere to me about how much he loved me. I was 37 at the time i met him 5 years ago. i am so hurt and depressed and very bitter towards anyone who wants to get close to me for fear they are lying or just want something i am not going to give. what do i do now. I had so much trust and faith in him to find out alot of the important things he said to me were lies. I feel as if part of me died. I have tried so many things to get him off my mind and when I least expect it something i see or do just reminds me of him all over again.
2007-02-11 19:28:01 · 15 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
All I can tell you is that please don't think that all men are like the one you were unfortunate enough to have ended up with. The easiest way to forget a bad one is to go out and find a good one. Believe me we are out there. We want the same thing you do, honesty and trust, caring and sincerity. A part of you has not died my friend, a part of you has been born. The part that knows you can do better. The part that understands what you want and what you so deserve. Settle for no less....tvtop_toptv
2007-02-11 19:38:15 · answer #1 · answered by Marsh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, give yourself some time to get over this anger. It's natural to feel this way after someone you cared for betrayed you so don't think you shouldn't feel this way. You're going to go through that phase where things remind you of him. Again, totally natural. Let yourself have those feelings but don't dwell on them. When the time is right, you'll start dating again. It's ok to have a wall up to a point, just realize that not everyone is a big fat liar. Take this as a lesson and remind yourself that now you know the signs and you're less likely to get duped again. You're not the bad guy here, he is. Don't be bitter & cynical because of one stupid guy. Don't let him win. Take your time and deal with this and then move on to another guy. Keep in mind there is someone perfect out there just for you and this guy was just a creepy stepping stone leading to that other person.
2007-02-11 19:44:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame that you have to go through this .But do not let it lock yourself in.
It would be a mistake to put up a shield against men . Because then you would miss out on a lot. You do not have to trust them .
Heck your 37 . When you see, meet , chat with, or just run down in your car. The initial confrontation when greeted with a smile, pretty much speaks for itself . So the saying "just wants to get in my pants" is a given.
Not getting in your pants is also understandable.
When we were younger we were not as patient.So a man who doesn't give you that respect can be eliminated from your list.
Just don't lock everyone out . Trust me on this. I know it hurts and i know you feel you will never let that happen again.
Well it may or may not . But you will never know if you do not give it a shot.
You have also learned a lot . So you will naturally be a little more cautious . Just hold on to your heart a little tighter .
]Don't give it a death grip. It becomes a sad world if you do.......
As far as everything else. Just don't commit yourself too quickly
2007-02-11 19:49:36 · answer #3 · answered by grainy33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, all marriages go through that. There will be times (especially when the kids are young) that one or both of you will be too tired for sex, too stressed to communicate. Your guy is stressed and under a lot of pressure. Ideally both partners should give 50/50, but the reality of it is, many times its 60/40 or even 90/10. I do recommend that you make arrangements for one night a week of one-on-one time. Arrange for someone to take the kids (if you don't have family to do it, offer to trade for someone else's kids now and then). Have the house to yourself. Start to treat him extra well, bring him a drink, smile often, praise him. Kind of like a puppy, LOL! Sex won't come right away, you may just end up sitting there watching TV. But the intimacy will slowly return if you have that alone time together and you can get on track.
2016-03-29 03:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years is a long time, did you find out the truth from him? or why he lied? have you talked to him about everything? yes part of you does die, the trust and faith you have in someone you love. the good part of it is that you are aware of the things that he wasn't honest about. it's easy for people to say move on, forget him, but unless you know the reasons behind everything, then make a decision of forgiving and trying or moving on. does he want to work things out with you? asking a lot of questions because I too fell hard for someone at 36, been through hell and back, going on 6 yrs and things are better but it was hard work to get to this point. it's worth the fight if there is real love.
2007-02-11 19:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by fm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, does he love you sincerely or was that a lie too? Maybe why he lied about some of the things were because he didn't want to lose you. A woman I know (my mum's friend) found out after she had been married for a number of years, that her husband lied about him not having any health problems. This was an important matter to her, had she known, she would not have married him. Nevertheless, she stuck by him (since they were already married and had children too).
I guess in your case, it hasn't gone as far, but 5 years is still a long time. Consider the reasons why he lied, and whether there is the possibility in the future for you to have trust in him.
2007-02-11 19:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by Lilliana 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your right, their always has to be a creep in the crowd! But your making a big mistake taking out your hurt and anger on everyone else because of him! You need to give yourself a break and realize you did get a hold of a creep, and you have learned from it. AND move on!!!!! That will stop the dwelling, and prove to you not all men are bad. You sure don't want to meet someone and tell them your sad story. Everything happens for a reason, and apparently yours was a learning lesson. Take it for what it was, and take some of that dwelling energy your WASTING and put it to better use-something to benefit you-to a better happier life!
2007-02-11 19:41:16 · answer #7 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer sounds simple and it is but it is hard to do. You have to move on and remember that he is the one that lied to you not other people so just for you lost your trust in him do not lose your ability to trust others. You have to remember the past, live in the now and look towards the future. Right now you have so much going in your advantage. You learn a valuable lesson about trust, now you do not make the same mistake and blindly trust a person for you think they are the right one for you. Listen to ensure that they are consistent in what they reveal and in their actions. People actions tell you more about them then what they say.
Now next time you think about him think about also how he lost a great person in you. Think positive about yourself.
2007-02-11 19:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by pojediknight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I was married 26 years when I realized my husband lied and mislead me on just about everything.
I gave him the best years of my lfe.
But, I still believe in love. Next time around I will NOT make the same mistakes.
Don't give up.
2007-02-11 19:41:27 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that happened to you. In time you won't feel that pain anymore. In the mean time be around people, get a new hobby, work overtime, or better yet volunteer. It will keep you busy and make you feel better.
2007-02-11 19:57:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋