How to get over an on-going abusive relationship? Don't tell me - Move on!!!?

Question

Move on, thats the easiest thing to say to someone who's dealing with a break up. I feel I am dealing with something more complicated. Me and my boyfriend broke up 6 months ago. But never lost touch. I tried but could never shun him out of my life completely. He cheated on me thrice. He beat me once. He treats me like shyt. He tells me he doesnt love me and i know he doesnt. But i see nothing wrong with him. It feels like he is just being stupid. Even now we meet, we end up having sex and then he gets up and leaves telling me "I'm sorry". I know i've made myself too available and have compromised with my self respect completely.

I am a girl who's never had lack of attention. And have broken a few hearts myself. Is it because I like the chase and the humiliation? I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE, but i feel helpless when he calls/ IMs me :( I think i m demented!!!!

How can I get myself to love and respect myself some more and shun him out forever???

Answer 1

GOD bless you.
Try to do some thing which your heart says.

Answer 2

Actually the whole reason you still feel for him is because you see alot of your self in him. Like you said youve broken hearts and never had a lack of attention. The fact that he treats you like that drives you crazy because no has ever ignored you... you were the one doing the ignoring. And while you know its wrong that he did all that shyt to you ...you still know that deep down he wants to be scared for. He probably trys to push you away because you are the first person who actually cared about him and in a way it probably scares him that you want to be with him because you have been through so much before why would you want him out of all people (or at least thats what he thinks) now this may sound hard to do but when he calls don't answer just let the phone ring and ring the fact that you arent chasing him and giving in to him will drive him crazy and at the same time you get the satisfaction of being chased like you used to. Its making you happy while making him miserable which is more then what he deserves after the way he treated you. Well hope this helps good luck sister.

Answer 3

If you don't want us to tell you to move on, what do you want us to tell you? You probably want to at least find one of us telling you to stay on, that he will come around and love you; and you will be happy again. He's the one who has grieved you, so, if you stay on:

(i) you might be cheated again. That makes not only thrice but maybe, four, or five or more times.

(ii) he might beat you again, depending on the first reason he beats you.

(iii) the fact that you still sleep with him makes him feel that he can always go back to you ANY time.

(iv) you will forever be caught up in this vicious circle and emotional see-sawing.

(v) he will continue treating you like ****

(vi) you will hear him say he doesn't love you more times than you want to. A woman wants to feel appreciated.

(vii) he will be forgiven by you for being a complete idiot.

You are a girl who's never had lack of attention. So, the time to move on was yesterday. Get on with life because if you are hoping for some hope trickling out from here, the only way I know how is by moving on.

It's hard to break free when you are comfortable with the routine. But, this could perhaps herald a new beginning. And if you are young, life has so much more to offer you. Trust us.

Answer 4

Ok I won't tell you to move on.. because you are not ready to move on.. It would be pointless to tell you what you already know but can't do.. So I will instead tell you what you need to do to gain the ability to move on.. Grow the heck up!!! Something tells me that you think you will be able to cure this sick relationship but believe me if you were thinking like an adult, you'd know that you can't fix this and it seems he is enjoying the perks of a free bootie call when he thinks he needs it.. Is that all you want to be? just a bootie call for some jerk?? A real adult would not stand for this and would be bettering herself and looking for friends and things to fill her days and evenings in a manner that allows you to be with and enjoy your own company and new acquaintences that I'm sure you would like to meet at some craft class or college class. Make a vow to take step one.. and don't answer the calls and IMs that make you declare you are just an easy piece of meat. You can do that. Pick up a nice hobby or visit the library and read a book.. I love ethnic cookbooks myself and you can read, copy some recipes and plan a small meal so you can experience so many wonderful ethnic flavors. You might invite a nice friend .. lady or gent to taste something new after you learn to make something pleasing to your own taste. Round off the evening with a canned movie and some desert later. You are a better person than the drudge you are allowing yourself to be.. so pick yourself up by the boot straps and take a walk in the sun.. Keep the Faith and let me know how you are doing from time to time. ((hugs))

Answer 5

The first thing you can do is stop letting you self get used like a dog in the street. Put more energy into building your self-esteem! Ya know that old saying " YOU are who your friends are!" You hang with disrespectful people, you have yourself right down to their level! Tell me why your permitting this? What part do you dislike that much about yourself? What would you tell a friend if her man was treating her like this? What, that the dude really cares? Why would you honestly lie to her? Love isn't suppose to hurt!!! If you had a daughter, would you feel OK if someone was treating your kid this way? I don't think so, or you wouldn't be much of a parent. Sorry!! I think it's time you seek help if you can't do it yourself, or wake up real quick here before your so low- you can't help your self! You've got to be worth it!!!! DO IT!!

Answer 6

Listen sweety, I know is very difficult to say move on.

After listening to you, I feel you are just being used. Stop doing that.

Get your self out there, enjoy you life. Party hard.

There are more deserving people on this planet who need that kind of love. Give it to them. There are kids from Orphan age, who have never seen their parents, who don't know what love is. Or Home for elderly people. Who have been dumped.

Best way to get away from heart break is, just trying taking someone elses pain and helping them out.

We all looked at closed door so much that we don't realize the open door somewhere else. Life teaches your lot of things. Take this as a learning and find the person who is more hurt then you.

Don't allow the person who has dumped you to keep reusing you for his physical wants.

Answer 7

While it is true that some women and men do in fact enjoy the domination lifestyle I highly doubt that that is you. Like the other person that answered you, get away from this person as soon as possible. That type of personality thrives on finding women that will take the abuse and they search them out. They can make you feel like all the problems in the relationship are your fault and not theirs. Get away while you can, and in the future look for someone much less domineering.

Answer 8

People say "therapy" like it is a catch phrase. Relationships can be like a drug you get addicted too and need help in getting over. It is not a question of "moving on" but a question getting over the needs that your mind keeps telling you that you need. It is not a weakness. What you need is support from others. Check your phone book for support groups in your area. They know what you are going through.

Do not be embarrassed about it. Best of luck.

Answer 9

Well, you obviously know what's wrong and you also know how you can fix it but you don't want to hear those two words: MOVE ON. Do you not want to hear it because it's the truth or because you think you can't do it? Either way, you're control of your life. Someone will only treat you as badly as you allow them to. You can't very much complain about this guy when you're keeping him in your life. You know it's toxic but for some reason, you like it.

Just because you don't think you're desperate, it doesn't mean you're not. Desperate people aren't always loser who can't get anyone else. In this case, you're desperate for this man because on some level, you think you deserve to be treated this way. Are you that bad of a person? Do you honestly think you can't do better? I bet you can and you're just scared of cutting him out of your life because you just can't stand the thought of him moving on. Guess what? He already did when he cheated on you. That's the biggest form of disrespect and you're basically saying it's ok for him to walk all over you.

The bottom line is this, either get a backbone and tell your ex to beat it or continue going on like this and stop complaining. I've been in relationships like this and I did the same thing. I finally decided one day that yeah, I'm a flawed human being. I've hurt my fair share of people and I'm not always a great person but I don't deserve to be unhappy everyday. I chose myself and my wellbeing over people who treated me like crap.

No one can tell you how to love and respect yourself. Only you can figure that out. You're not perfect. None of us are but, you don't need someone who treats you badly for you to enjoy the good things in life. Life is way too short to keep on going the way you are. If you died tomorrow, you'd be mad as hell that you kept this up for so long.

If you don't see anything wrong with this guy, you're blinded by something. He's a loser. Unless you want to be a loser too, stop hanging out with him and giving him sex. Why would he actually change anything about his crappy ways if he can still get anything he wants from you? You can't change him. Your adoration isn't enough. He's just a creep. He's the loser here, you're not.

If you mature up a bit and leave this dude alone, I can promise you he'll be mad. He'll be hurt and it will affect him. Why would you want a cheater to prosper in life? Why not finally give him what he deserves and cut him out of your life? Stop all communciation with him. Moving on and being happy is the best revenge. It's hard but it can be done. You can live without anyone. You don't need him to breathe. You won't die without him.

Grow up and stop being a doormat. You're better than that. Do you really want to be an old lady doing this stuff? At the rate you're going, you will be. You're wasting your time with this loser when someone worthwhile is out there waiting for you. Begin your life today and stop staying in a no win situation. Stop sabotaging yourself. You do deserve to be happy.

Answer 10

You said you've done similar things so maybe its that fact that he is similar to you that makes you like him...who knows but you need to not contact him for a while don't drop him completely but don't talk to him too often and don't meet up with him so you can get used to life without him and eventually you will make yourself see that you dont need him and will feel better for it

Answer 11

You said you've done similar things so maybe its that fact that he is similar to you that makes you like him...who knows but you need to not contact him for a while don't drop him completely but don't talk to him too often and don't meet up with him so you can get used to life without him and eventually you will make yourself see that you dont need him and will feel better for it