Why do people always say there are lots of American children who need to be adopted?

Question

When I read posts about IVF or international adoption, many people say that these options are stupid, and why not adopt one of the many homelss American kids. Where exactly are these kids? All of the couples I know have been waiting years and going through hell to find an American child. The kids I have seen in foster care are usually older, or a different race than I am, or developmentally handicapped, and I wonder, would all of the people who so easily suggest American adoption choose to adopt a child of a different race, 14 years old, with a physical or mental handicap? Or do people who have not faced adoption just not realize that American babies are a very rare commodity that usually take lots of money and many years to find?

And yes, of course, older children need homes but does that mean a couple who has never had a child can never experience what is is like to care from a baby at a young age? Why is it that people think if you are infertile, you should have no desire like a normal person and be happy with whatever you can get?

I know there are good kids in foster care. It's just that when you get a 14 year old, you are skipping a lot of the parenting process. Is it so weird to want to experience the whole thing like most people do? And if a couple has the money to do IVF or adopt, why do other people care if they do? Why don't they just adopt a few of the needy kids themselves?

Answer 1

That is what angers me. There are so many children that need to be adopted but people just want babies. Children need homes no matter what the age I wish people couild see that.

Answer 2

Well if you are looking for a baby of course you are going to be on a waiting list. But babies grow up. They become big kids and then eventually adults. Now just because they are no longer babies does not mean they are not adoptable. There are many kids in the foster system that have been abandoned by their parents. These kids need parents whether they are 5 months, 1 year, 8 years, 18 years, or older. It is about the feeling of being loved. I mean If I was to make the decision to adopt I would not mind adopting a child of a different race or even if they were older. But if you want an easy adoption then you will find these kids in the foster care system.

Answer 3

A person who would be a good parent should be able to love and accept a child who is not their idea of perfect. What is going to happen afterall, when they adopt their "perfect" baby and it turns out to have flaws just like any other human being? The children that people are saying to adopt domestically are foster kids, to answer your question. And yes, I would be happy to adopt a child with any or all of the characteristics you mention as though they were undesirable, because I want that much to be a mom. If the people you talk about waiting for years and years really want to be parents, they will realize 1) it does not cost much to adopt from foster care and 2) those children are just as worthy of a home and a loving family as any baby they can adopt privately.

Answer 4

As an adoptive parent I do understand what you are saying, and am frustrated by comments like a few of the ones you have recieved.
My children were adopted internationally, and believe me, I did do my research, and found that for our family domestic adoption would not be a good choice.
As far as U.S. children being available, there are two options. There are children placed by birthmothers into private adoptions. With this the wait can be long, the process can be expensive (often $25,000- $50,000), and ofcorse the the birthmom may choose not to follow through with the adoption, even days or sometimes months after the child is home. I've known many families who've had failed adoptions, and it would be a terrible thing to experience.
The U.S. kids that most people are referring to are in foster care. Many of these children are not yet available for adoption, and may still be reunited with there b-families, even after months or more of parenting them sometimes.
While all children need homes, dealing with a child exposed to drugs, neglect, sexual molestation, physical and emotional abuse, abandonment and attachment issues is not an easy task, and the older a child is the longer they have probably been exposed to these awful things. (I would suggest researching "reactive attachment disorder" as well) Parents without experience and resources in these issues may not be the best match for these children. Unfortunetly it's often not as easy as just wanting to help an older child.
Also, children all over the world need homes, not just in the U.S. I find it sad that people who have and likely never will adopt, criticize those who don't adopt kids from foster care, but seem to think it's alright for children from other countries to grow up in orphanages, without parents, or a good future. My children deserve this as much as any other child, no matter where they were born.
Also, as far as adopting a child of another race, while we were open to it, it may not be right for every child or family, especially if you live in an all (or mostly) white area, and don't know if you could deal with the racism your child may face. Even in a diverse area, because it is obvious we've adopted, people come up to me and ask very inappropriate questions, infront of my child. Agian, while we were prepared for this, not every family is.

Good luck, and I would suggest finding an adoption forum to talk with other parents who understand the process.

Answer 5

There are a lot of american children that need to be adopted. Most couples do not want older children, or special needs children. They want healthy white newborns. The wait for newborns is long. The more "picky" you are about what you want, the more of a wait you usually end up with. Some couples are gender specific too (especially if they have a few of the opposite gender) which is why they go to foreign countries. The wait is not as long and you have a better chance of getting the gender you want.

My husband and I are hoping to adopt in a few years. We don't feel capable of caring for a special needs child but we are open to any race and up to the age of our oldest child.

I don't think American babies are rare really. Just that the demand is high. Especially for healthy caucasion babies. More and more birthmoms are seeking open adoptions too and sometimes adoptive parents do not want that. So that kind of limits the possibilities here for them.

Answer 6

If it's anything like England the reason is that the fostering to adoption process takes a long time and by that time the child is older, sometimes too old to be very attractive to a potential adopter. Normally there is a very lengthy court case before it is decided that a child should be adopted and then a long time looking for adoptive parents. By then the child is pretty messed up by the whole thing, has soetimes devoloped behavioural problems and is therefore less likely to be adoptable.

It is very sad.

Answer 7

In china, the one child rule prevents parents from having more than child per family. a parent can be sentenced to prison or fined for having another, so if a family does accidently pop out another child, they will leave it on the doorstep of an orphanage. in some cultures, parents value men more that women because they can work on the farm, so if their child is a girl the will get rid of her and try again. this is especially true in china, where parents may want their only child to be a useful one. becaus of this, there is overcrowding in orphanages and children are easier to obtain and there is possibly fewer "check-ups" by the adoption agency, which can be a hassle for even good honest parents. Also, there is alot more poverty in Asia, which is another factor in the adoption process.

Answer 8

I think people don't want a child, so much as they want a baby. Not all kids in the system are defective, have dealt with many who had emotional problems sure, but were bright and healthy and physically perfect. Having your own child is no guarentee of perfection, plenty of people had their own kid be born with physical and mental handicaps.

It takes a TON of money to do IVF, and overseas adoptions can easily run 20-30 grand. In my opinion, it just comes down to people being more interested in a cute baby, than actually raising a child.

Answer 9

Well I guess that 14 year olds, disabled children and, dare I say it, even kiddies from a different race, are still children! Don't you think they deserve a loving caring family too?

You don't actually get to pick and choose when you have your own baby, you get what you are given and love them anyway, even with disabllities and even when they become teenagers!

Answer 10

most couples want to adopt a baby! yes b/c its a baby..and also it would be alot easier to take care of a baby..that doesnt know whats going on..compared to lets say a 6 year old who knows whats going on! i also think parents want a baby b/c they cant have babies! and they want to experience what it was like to have a baby! and one of my parents good friend fostered a child i believe she was like 14...and gave them hell! she stole from them and broke alot of stuff in their house! and buy takin in a baby you can start to teach them right from wrong! compared to a older child that doesnt seem to have a care in the world! b/c no one cared for him!